Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 168

Chapter 168: The Moon in My Heart, The Person in My Heart

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Lying on the camping chair, Xia Ruoming’s heart remained restless, unable to find peace no matter what.

“Ruoming…” a cool voice came from behind Xia Ruoming. Without turning around, she knew who it was.

“Why are you here, Fengwu? It’s getting late, you should rest,” Xia Ruoming said softly, though she seemed to know these words were useless as the fragrant breeze behind her drew closer.

“Suhe was here earlier, so I couldn’t say some things. Actually, did something happen when you went to visit the temple? I’ve noticed you’ve been distracted,” Xu Fengwu stood behind Xia Ruoming, gently massaging her shoulders while asking softly.

“…I told you nothing happened, don’t overthink it, Fengwu.” Xia Ruoming closed her eyes and sighed. Though it was about Xu Fengwu, she had no intention of telling her everything.

“Ruoming, I know we can’t go back to how we were before, but I’ve seen all sides of you. If you didn’t have something on your mind, how could you become like this?” Xu Fengwu continued speaking behind Xia Ruoming.

Xia Ruoming was slightly surprised. She thought Xu Fengwu hadn’t cared about her at all, but it turned out Xu Fengwu knew quite a lot.

“Fengwu…” Xia Ruoming finally got up from the chair and turned to look at Xu Fengwu, those melancholic eyes still as bright as years ago.

“Ruoming, if you have something to say, just say it. No matter what it is, I’ll bear it with you. Trust me, okay?” Xu Fengwu took Xia Ruoming’s hand and spoke slowly.

Hearing Xu Fengwu’s words, Xia Ruoming gave a bitter laugh. This was already about her, and if they were to bear it together, wasn’t there only one way?

“That day when I bought you flowers, do you remember what flowers I gave you?”

“Sweet peas… their flower language means starting a new life, right?” Xu Fengwu had thought when these words were spoken, Xia Ruoming would completely push her away, but looking into Xia Ruoming’s eyes, there wasn’t any resolute emotion, but rather something like an unforgettable sentiment that was hard to let go.

“Then why did you still…” Xia Ruoming didn’t know why, but as she spoke these words, her eyes welled up with tears. She thought she had become strong enough, when Jiang Ruhua abandoned her, even when she was so down on her luck that she could only eat discounted meals, she hadn’t shed any tears. “Xu Fengwu, that night under the moonlight, I understood everything you said to me, and I promised you I wouldn’t disturb your life anymore.”

“We could have stayed far apart, so why did you come back?”

The moment Xia Ruoming’s tears fell, Xu Fengwu’s tears also broke free. Perhaps even Xu Fengwu herself didn’t understand why she felt so sad, but seeing Xia Ruoming “break down,” that painful feeling far surpassed the day when Xia Ruoming pushed her away in the rain.

“Ruoming, I’m really… sorry, I made you suffer for so many years.” Xu Fengwu leaned on Xia Ruoming’s shoulder and began crying uncontrollably. “I know I really hurt you before, but asking me to leave you, I really can’t do it.”

“You just… don’t want to lose…” Xia Ruoming’s somewhat bitter voice came through. She would rather believe that Xu Fengwu just had a mentality of not wanting to lose, burning with jealousy seeing others by her side. She didn’t want to believe that Xu Fengwu had actually fallen in love with her.

If she accepted this fact, believed An Jinrou’s prophecy about the sun and moon, she would truly break down.

She had just opened her heart to Ye Han not long ago, and An Jinrou told her an earth-shattering truth, the sun and moon were always meant to be together, but because Liu Qingyun’s daughter’s heavenly luck was too powerful, she could never have Xu Fengwu.

What a joke, if that was true, what had everything she’d done until now been for?

“Ruoming, even now, I could find many excuses. But one day I suddenly understood, what made me lose you wasn’t because Li Jing was causing trouble on the side, it wasn’t because you did anything wrong, it was because I took your love for granted. Everything, all of it, was me hurting you unknowingly.”

“At first, I really just didn’t want to lose. I saw you giving flowers to Xiao Qinghan, saw you rushing through the storm to save Chu Suhe, saw Luo Qingxuan bravely confessing to you, and I was really angry. I didn’t think I was any worse than them.”

“But as time passed, I realized I missed you more and more. My care for you wasn’t because I had a competitive spirit against them, nor because no one would unconditionally protect me anymore.”

“I found that without you by my side, I felt so lonely, so helpless…”

Xia Ruoming wanted to believe what Xu Fengwu said, because finding someone to be an ATM would be a simple matter for her, countless people would be happy to do so, but across two lifetimes, Xu Fengwu had never done anything like that.

But it was precisely because she believed Xu Fengwu was telling the truth that she felt more afraid, afraid that An Jinrou’s story was all real.

“Ruoming, when the fortune-telling shop owner told me that I could get you back with just one tarot card, I really considered it.”

“But in the end, I gave up. I wanted to move your heart once through my own sincerity, just like you did back then. I also wanted to give you purple baby’s breath flowers, to help you with my insignificant strength.”

“No matter what wounds you suffered back then, I want to be by your side to help you heal.”

“Fool! You could have met better people, you could have had better choices!” Xia Ruoming hugged the tearful Xu Fengwu in front of her, tears also falling down her cheeks.

You’ve already come so far, it’s okay to turn back now, An Jinrou’s words echoed in Xia Ruoming’s ears again.

At that moment, Xia Ruoming already knew what Xu Fengwu was talking about.

The Sun, that power in An Jinrou’s hands that far surpassed mortal bounds, with just one small wish, whatever Xu Fengwu wanted could become reality, but she still refused such power.

The most painful thing in the world isn’t when your white moonlight leaves you behind, but when you decide to let everything go, your white moonlight suddenly turns back.

“The moonlight is beautiful,” Xu Fengwu sobbed in Xia Ruoming’s embrace.

“…”

“Yes, and the wind is gentle too,” after a moment of silence, Xia Ruoming responded softly, her voice different from before after crying.

A light rain began to fall from the sky, wetting both their hair, mixing with their tears as it fell.

“So rainwater isn’t that salty…” Xu Fengwu smiled, though her tear-stained smile wasn’t much prettier than when she was crying.

Xia Ruoming gazed at the moon in the sky, though there were no dense clouds, the moon remained bright, yet the sky was raining, just like her heart.

“Is the moon now still the same moon as before? Even if it is, I’m not who I was before…” Xia Ruoming spoke slowly, those indescribable emotions mixed within, adding to her troubles.

“The moon in my heart is still the same moon, and the person in my heart is still the same person.”