Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 147

Chapter 147: Liu Ruoxue Side Story – Your Honey, Their Poison (Part 5)

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“Why… if I hadn’t interfered with my sister’s choice, wouldn’t she still be alive? I forced all of this on Qingyun, making her live such a painful life. If I hadn’t been so presumptuous, if I had discovered it earlier…” Liu Ruoxue closed her eyes again in pain, but tears kept falling down her face.

“It’s not like that, Ruoxue. Neither Ruoming nor Qingyun would have walked the path you thought was right. Perhaps back then you could forcibly suppress your feelings and resist that discomfort brought by traditional education all along.”

“But, Ruoxue, you need to understand, between Qingyun and Ruoming, you could only save one person…” When Xia Jingsong said this, his voice also became somewhat strange.

“Even if you hadn’t forced what you thought was the right path onto Liu Qingyun back then, would you have accepted Liu Qingyun?”

“I think I still wouldn’t have…” Liu Ruoxue shook her head.

“Yes, then you would still have chosen to be with me, and we would still have given birth to Ruoming. You would have imposed that path you couldn’t force onto Liu Qingyun even more severely onto Ruoming, and ultimately Ruoming, who was so much like your sister, would have chosen the same path as Qingyun. After all, this was destined. Since you couldn’t accept Qingyun’s feelings, it was fated that between your sister and daughter, you could only save one person…”

“No, that’s not right, if I could have been more…”

“Ruoxue, some things are beyond our control and inevitable because that’s what fate dictates. Even if you hadn’t done this back then, Qingyun, who couldn’t be with you, would still have lived in pain. Perhaps it would have been somewhat better than this outcome, but ultimately it would have been Qingyun alone silently bearing all these things. Compared to her being able to rest in peace now, would you want to see her carrying several times the pain and being punished in this world?” Xia Jingsong interrupted Liu Ruoxue’s words, “No matter how much you blame yourself, what has happened cannot be changed.”

“Qingyun placed all her hopes on this girl who was most like her, she wanted this girl who resembled her to protect you in her place, that’s why she told Ruoming to take good care of her mother in the future. She didn’t want you to torture yourself like she did, to live in pain like she did, and she didn’t want to trouble you, so she chose to silently bear these things, chose to silently leave this world. If even you get trapped in the same shadow as her, then her death would truly be meaningless.”

“What she hoped for was that Ruoming could replace her and gain the happiness she couldn’t have, and you should also follow her dying wish.”

“Is Ruoming really like her, only able to like women…” Liu Ruoxue asked softly.

“…Many things aren’t about making the wrong choice, but rather having no choice at all.” Xia Jingsong nodded and said, “Her liking women is innate, not something that can be changed just because you want it to, Ruoxue. Qingyun already told you, rather than having a normal marriage, they would rather never return to this world. Perhaps another world would be more accepting of their feelings.”

“Speaking of which, I was terribly wrong back then, wasn’t I?” As if having received a huge blow, Liu Ruoxue’s voice remained very low, so low that it was hard to hear what she was saying without listening carefully.

“Yes, but not entirely. Right and wrong don’t happen in an instant. There’s nothing wrong with rejecting Liu Qingyun, even if she loved you so much, no one ever said you must respond to someone else’s love, but when you rejected your sister while also forcing what you believed to be right, those outdated rules from the past era onto her, things had already spiraled out of control.” Xia Jingsong sat beside Liu Ruoxue, comforting her while talking about past events, “It was the same with Qingyun as it was with Ruoming, you can choose not to accept what they believe is right, you can even choose not to understand, but you can’t force what you believe is right onto them and make them believe it’s right too.”

Liu Ruoxue stared blankly out the window, remembering the times she had spent with Liu Qingyun.

Liu Qingyun would always follow her, no matter where she went, she would always find Liu Qingyun’s figure when she looked back, as if she could never shake her off. This usually well-mannered sister was always very possessive, if any man approached her, Liu Qingyun would always drive them away with a fierce look. On every birthday, Liu Qingyun would always prepare in advance for her, but wouldn’t allow anyone except her to attend.

She should have noticed it long ago that her sister liked her.

When did she start deceiving herself? She hypnotized herself into believing that her sister’s feelings for her were just abnormal feelings, that these feelings were just malformed products of sisterly love and long-term dependence. She couldn’t believe that a woman could like another woman, even now when she understands that her sister truly liked her, and her daughter truly likes other women, she still can’t understand it.

The education Liu Ruoxue had received all along was that she should be a good wife and mother, living peacefully through life.

She finally let out a long sigh on the sofa, then looked at Xia Jingsong.

“Forget it, forget it, perhaps this is fate.” Liu Ruoxue said weakly, “As long as she lives well, as long as she can be happy, let her be. She’s grown up now, I can’t control her anymore.”

She had tried to stop her sister, but her sister would rather take her own life than live a normal person’s life, and this boomerang had hit her own daughter. Now her daughter would do the same, choosing the same path as her sister.

Just as Xia Jingsong said, perhaps this was destiny, they were fated to live differently from her.

If someone is gone, what meaning do these so-called traditions, these so-called societal views have? She can try to understand her sister’s feelings now, but can Liu Qingyun come back to life? Never again.

Past events cannot be undone, but at least she should let her daughter who is still in this world live well. What use is there in dwelling on all those trivial matters?

“If she likes women, then let her like women. Old Xia, if she regrets it in the future, don’t help her wipe away her tears.”

Hearing Liu Ruoxue’s words, Xia Jingsong finally let out a long breath. It was true that he supported his daughter, but he didn’t want Xia Ruoming and Liu Ruoxue to fall out, whether it was Xia Ruoming directly breaking ties with the family, or accepting Liu Ruoxue’s decision and making an extreme choice like Liu Qingyun, neither was what he wanted to see.

His gaze also returned to that afternoon, when the girl he once liked told him to protect her sister, to never let her suffer any harm again.

“I’ve kept my past promise, may you rest in peace, Qingyun.” Xia Jingsong said to himself in a voice no one could hear, facing the window.

The sky outside reflected the young woman’s face, still in her youthful appearance.

Liu Ruoxue Side Story – Your Honey, Their Poison (End)

————— (Below are the author’s random thoughts) —————

Liu Ruoxue, Liu Qingyun, perhaps many people think Liu Qingyun’s side story is shocking, but it can’t be helped, because this story is adapted from reality. If it was changed to Liu Qingyun marrying a woman, then Liu Ruoxue’s reason for opposing Xia Ruoming liking women would no longer exist, and Liu Ruoxue wouldn’t have changed due to being troubled all her life by her youthful actions. It’s a story of two people’s inevitably unfinished tragic movement, of someone using wrong choices and her sister’s life to exchange for her daughter’s salvation.

Rather than saying Liu Ruoxue’s maternal love to some extent saved Xia Ruoming from her previous life, it would be more accurate to say Liu Qingyun saved her. Although Liu Qingyun had passed away for many years, her soul seemed to be attached to Xia Ruoming. As time passed, Liu Ruoxue’s daughter became more and more like her sister who always clung to her in her youth. After learning the truth, although she reconciled with her inner self, she also forever trapped herself in the past. When seeing Xia Ruoming, that distant gaze always transcended time, falling on Liu Qingyun that afternoon in university, listening to that innocent and lively sister say: “Sister, I like you.”

Goodbye, Liu Qingyun.