Yuri Hero and Loli Demon King - Chapter 05

This is the world of Role-Playing Games, or RPGs for short.

My name is Tapfer, and I am the Hero of this world, but… we’ve gotten lost again!

“Um… where are we?” Tapfer glanced around. No, actually, everywhere looked the same — a desert.

How lost do you have to be to end up in a desert from a village? Is it possible for such a massive desert to suddenly appear between two towns?

“Obviously, it’s a desert,” Rei replied as if it were common sense.

Tapfer’s mouth twitched at this answer which was barely better than stating the obvious.

Realizing relying on this witch was useless, she shook the two strands of hair on her head that resembled cockroach antennae and started to think of a plan.

“Could we be heading in the wrong direction?”

Instead of coming up with a solution, she ended up blurting out a pointless question—if they were headed in the right direction, would they be lost?

“We were going the wrong direction from the start!” Rei said with her signature sweet smile.

“If you knew it was wrong, why did you go?” Is she doing this on purpose?

Tapfer began to regret letting Rei navigate. Although she’s bad with directions herself, she thinks she wouldn’t be so foolish as to walk from a city into a desert.

“In the journey of life, no one can be certain the path they’re on is absolutely correct.”

“Stop using life as an excuse for being bad with directions!” The Hero used Sarcasm Lv.2.

“Knowing where you’re going isn’t as important as knowing where you are.”

“Stop trying to rationalize it with excuses; you just plainly don’t know the way, right!”

After nearly losing her temper and venting her frustration, Tapfer tried to calm down and asked, “Can’t you use the Teleportation Spell? You do call yourself an Archmage.”

“Relying on others for everything is wrong. You have to find ways to rely on yourself to improve.”

“……..”

You could just say you don’t know the Teleportation Spell.

Also, how am I supposed to rely on myself? Now that I think about it, my only skills are Sarcasm Lv.2 and Yuri Lv…2. Fleeing as the Best Option Lv.1, these are completely useless skills!

“Why can ‘Fleeing as the Best Option’ only be used in battle? If only we could use it to get back from here!” Tapfer started to complain, and for the next half hour, she grumbled along the way. Rei ignored her, quietly moving forward until she stopped at the sight of a cactus.

It was a tall cactus, roughly the height of two average adults.

Rei was chanting a spell, but since Tapfer wasn’t a mage, she couldn’t understand it at all and stood idly by, bored. This situation persisted for almost five minutes.

How long does it take to chant a single spell…

Just as Tapfer was thinking this, Rei finished her spell, and the cactus before them emitted a dazzling light, making it hard to keep their eyes open.

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The desert disappeared.

When they opened their eyes again, a white stone building resembling a church appeared before them. However, instead of a holy cross at the top, there was a strange shape—like an upside-down heart.

“What is this?” Tapfer asked curiously as she looked at the building.

“The desert between the towns is merely a barrier to conceal this place,” Rei explained, though what Tapfer wanted to know was what the building actually was.

“So, where is this?” Tapfer asked again.

“Mage’s Guild ‘Fairy Buttocks,'” Rei stated in an unusually calm tone, despite the ridiculous name.

Did I hear that wrong? What is with this bizarre and perverted guild name?

Maybe she didn’t say “buttocks” but something that sounded similar? But what do mages have to do with economists?

Tapfer first questioned her hearing, then began to guess from all angles which similar-sounding word she might have misheard.

“What did you just… say?” To ensure she hadn’t misheard, Tapfer asked again.”The ‘Fairy Buttocks,'” she replied once more, adding the English for emphasis.

“So it really is ‘buttocks’? Why ‘buttocks’? Is that upside-down heart really supposed to be a butt? Is such a terrible name even okay?”

“It’s fine. If it’s too similar to something else, there could be copyright issues.”

Why is she so calm about this? And since when are there copyright issues with names?

“The original idea was something like ‘Fairy Tails,’ but due to copyright issues, they went with ‘Buttocks’ instead,” Rei added in explanation.

“Out of all the body parts to choose from, why does it have to be a butt?” It seemed like her sarcasm skill had leveled up.

“There was also the suggestion of ‘Fairy O-openings,’ but that got rejected.”

Getting rejected for that is only natural! Compared to that, ‘Buttocks’ sounds way better, even if it’s still a creepy name!

Forget it, I don’t want to waste time on sarcasm about this guild name.

Since it’s a Mage’s Guild, there are probably some pretty skilled mages here. If Rei’s come here, that means she must be a member too, right? Who knows, maybe when we open the doors, there’ll be experts with levels over 100 inside—at least, that was what Tapfer thought.

But as she opened the brown doors, she felt she had entered a maid café instead of a Mage’s Guild.

“Welcome back, Master.”

Lined up on both sides of the entrance, the maids greeted her in unison.

Normal maids might be pleasing to the eye, but the shocking part was the presence of middle-aged men dressed as maids in the mix! And there wasn’t just one of them!

“Hey, is this really a Mage’s Guild…?”

“Because the pronunciation of ‘mage’ and ‘maid’ sounds similar, the guild uniform is a maid outfit,” Rei explained, smiling sweetly like an enthusiastic guide.”How are they similar? The only thing alike is the first two letters in English!” her sarcasm skill suddenly activated.

“No, you have to think of it in Japanese pronunciation: ‘Madou’ (similar to ‘Madou’) and ‘Meido’ (similar to ‘Meido’).”

“That just makes the similar letters three instead of two!”

She didn’t even know how to sarcastically criticize this guild anymore—both the name and uniform were rife with material!

At this moment, Tapfer suddenly spotted a normal-looking person among them—a mage not dressed in a maid outfit.

It was a little girl in a white one-piece dress with twin ponytails.

Great, maybe she couldn’t stand the foolish antics of these people either, and that’s why she didn’t follow along?

To Tapfer, she was like an oasis in the desert, even though she was dressed in blue.

“Rei, is she your friend?” the oasis asked.

Ah, such a cute loli voice—rather, the oasis was a loli!

Tapfer then realized she might be a lolicon.

“Yes, she’s the useless hero,” while Tapfer was lost in her loli fantasy, Rei introduced her like this.

“Wait a minute, who introduces their friend as ‘useless’?!” Tapfer protested. “Look! Even the oasis loli looks dumbfounded—it must be because you said such absurd things.”

“What a cute name!”

Her response shattered Tapfer’s expectations, as the little girl beamed a bright smile and extended her right hand: “Pleased to meet you, useless hero sister.”

“……”

Despair, greater than the concept of colorless despair! She was being called “useless hero sister” by a loli—damn witch!”I will curse you for a lifetime!”

Tapfer thought grudgingly, even feeling the impulse to input Rei’s name into Hell Correspondence at midnight.

Fortunately, the loli voice that followed freed Tapfer from her resentment: “My name is Haitang (Boke), but because of the similar pronunciation, you can also call me Papaya (also Boke).”

Aren’t these essentially the same plant…?

“If you don’t like it, you can call me Potpourri!”

This isn’t just Papaya, but a Fool (boke). And anyway, there’s no difference between pronouncing it in Hiragana or Katakana…

Why not just use the Chinese name? Or is she just playing with wordplay?

“Then I’ll call you Little Tang,” Tapfer decided.

“No way!” She rejected it without hesitation.

“Why?”

“Because I’m already an adult!”

“Is… is that so…?”

Did she just say ‘adults adults’? Such repeated words are entirely childlike, and from someone just learning to speak at that.

Darn, this kid is so cute it makes you want to tease her…

“Fool,” said Rei, “I came here to ask for your help with something.”

Hey, did you just call her fool? This witch is definitely a bad friend! I haven’t even teased her yet, and you’ve already started!

“Didn’t someone say, ‘You have to rely on yourself to make progress’?” Tapfer took the opportunity to mock the witch.

“It’s the age of teamwork now. Thinking you can solve everything by yourself is undoubtedly the most inefficient and foolish way.”

Isn’t this completely different from what was said before? Is this what they call changing with the tide?

“What kind of help?” the oasis loli asked.

“Join our team,” the witch replied.

Wait, is it okay for a team to have two mages?”Shouldn’t it be a standard team of Swordsman, Mage, Archer, Assassin, and Cleric?”

“We need your water magic,” Rei added to explain the reason.

“So, you don’t know water magic?” Tapfer interjected, “Don’t tell me you only know the fireball spell?”

“Not just the fireball spell, but they’re all fire attribute spells.”

“‘All fire attribute spells’? Is Rei a mage who only focuses on fire magic?” Tapfer pressed further.

“For personal reasons, I can only use fire attribute magic,” Rei answered before asking again, “Haitang, would you like to join our team?”

“Well… teaming up with Rei sounds great!”

“Wait a minute!” The maid… I mean the Mage suddenly asked, “Is Lady Tang going to leave us?”

“If both you and Lady Rei leave, what will happen to us?” Another Mage chimed in.

“You both are the only vice presidents of our guild!” came a third supporting voice.

So both Ms. Witch and the oasis loli are vice presidents?

“You are as important to us as the hair on a ‘Fairy Buttocks’!” added a fourth voice in agreement.

That’s not important at all! Such things are entirely insignificant, and this description is just disgusting! How dirty do you need to make this story, really?

“True,” Rei pondered before saying, “If I take Haitang away, there won’t be a hair left.”

That’s not the point! Whether there’s hair or not is entirely irrelevant!

“But Haitang is very important to me,” Rei said, stepping forward to stroke Haitang’s hair.

“I’m important to Rei?”

Rei nodded, “Because you are the guild master’s sister.”

Hey, didn’t you just say you needed her water magic? Obviously, you just want her around, you siscon! Ah, I get it, you’re after her special water magic, aren’t you?

You pervert, I misjudged you, perverted witch!

“You have a lovestruck look on your face,” Rei said, looking at Tapfer with a disdainful glare.”You perverted Witch, do you have the right to call me a creep!?”

“Oh? What part of me do you think is perverted?” Rei said, with her usual smile. “Compared to me, aren’t you the bigger pervert? Great perverted Hero.”

“Hmph, that’s debatable. You might be more perverted than I am!”

“You can say that again, I don’t mind!” Her sweet smile didn’t match the angry undertone in her gentle voice, but most would never notice she was upset.

Tapfer knew that continuing this would only lead to trouble—her two antennae-like hair strands warning her of the danger.

Thankfully, Haitang changed the subject, allowing Tapfer to avoid the crisis.

“Being on the same team as Rei is wonderful, but there are some things we need to clear up first.”

“Clear up?”

“Could you come to my room tonight, Rei?”

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Later that night, Tapfer and Rei accepted Haitang’s invitation and stayed over at the “Fairy Buttocks” for the night. Tapfer was given a single room to rest, while Rei, who had her own room, found herself…

“Knock, knock—”

The wooden door made a crisp sound.

“Come in, the door’s not locked.”

With Haitang’s permission, Rei opened the door, though she stood hesitantly at the entrance.

Haitang had let down the twin tails on the sides of her head, wearing her guild uniform (a maid outfit). Rei wasn’t seeing this attire for the first time, but she still paused momentarily.

Sitting by the bed, hugging a pillow, she was incredibly alluring.

“Come in.”

Hearing Haitang urge her again, Rei finally entered the room and closed the door.

“What is this?” Rei didn’t understand Haitang’s intentions.

Haitang just responded with a smile, then stood up somewhat precariously at the edge of the springy bed, stretching her arms wide forming a ‘T’ shape.

“This is the guild uniform. Once I wear it, I represent the guild, embodying the position of vice president.”

“I get that, but what’s the meaning of this? You didn’t call me to your room just to say that, did you?”

“Rei, what is it that you want?”

The question was so plain one couldn’t discern the emotions behind it.

No, it wasn’t just the emotions; the underlying meaning of the question was also bewildering.”The kind of water magic befitting someone like… the vice president?”

“Haitang?”

“Look at me, Rei. Before you stands the vice president, is this identity and power what you desire?”

“Haitang, what’s wrong?”

“Isn’t it that you only need my magic, that’s why you invited me to team up?”

She shrank back, clutching her chest, her voice trembling with sobs, “Answer me, answer me, Rei!”

“You…”

What nonsense!

It’s as if you’re saying I’m just using your power, what a joke!

Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot—!

“You idiot, you understand nothing!”

While pushing Haitang, who was standing by the bed, down onto the mattress, she continued to deny it, “That’s not it, that’s not it!”

Roughly pulling off the white apron and tossing it aside, she forcefully unbuttoned the maid outfit at the chest, removing the black long dress.

Haitang couldn’t react to this series of actions, shocked at Rei’s loss of control.

By the time she realized it, she was already naked, pinned down on the bed.

“…The you before me now isn’t the vice president’s façade, it’s simply Haitang.”

“…”

“It’s not your title, and it’s certainly not your power, Haitang, what I want is you.”

“Even the bare and vulnerable me, you still want?”

“I want you just like this, Haitang.” Rei held her tightly, “So… will you be with me?”

The silent embrace in return was all the answer needed.

Ah, yes!

There was no need for misunderstanding, what Rei wanted all along was me!

“…That’s such a relief.”

Haitang nodded with a smile, “Now that everything is cleared up, it’s truly a relief.”

The two, cuddled together, their heartbeats seeming to sync.

This resounding thud was so pleasing to the ears.

“If only it could stay like this forever.”

With a quiet voice, she wished inaudibly.

Before this sound stops, let me venture out one more time!