Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 145

Chapter 145: Liu Ruoxue Side Story – Your Honey, Their Poison (Part 3)

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Liu Ruoxue’s face turned deathly pale, as if struck by lightning. She had thought that under her “guidance,” her sister had already given up the idea of liking women, but in her final moments, her sister was still thinking about liking her.

What she found even more unimaginable was that one day her sister would feel that her body wasn’t worthy of her, and thus took her own life.

And waited until a little girl who looked like herself grew up to accompany her through life.

“In university, the one you actually liked was Qingyun, right, Xia Jingsong?” Liu Ruoxue asked after a long silence, her face bloodless.

Xia Jingsong didn’t answer Liu Ruoxue’s question, but Liu Ruoxue knew that if this wasn’t true, Xia Jingsong would definitely deny it, rather than pretending to be deaf and mute like now.

“If you liked my sister, why didn’t you pursue her?”

“She liked women, I knew forcing it would be useless, so why should I interfere with someone’s perfectly good life?” Xia Jingsong’s tone was very calm, but it stabbed Liu Ruoxue’s heart like a knife.

Yes, she was the one who interfered with someone’s perfectly good life.

“Then why did you pursue me, was it because I look like my sister?” There wasn’t much bitterness in her tone, but Liu Ruoxue gave a bitter laugh after speaking.

“Things aren’t what you think they are. It’s been almost 20 years, there’s no need for explanations now.”

“…”

“Now she’s become like Qingyun, are you going to do this kind of thing again? Ruoxue, you don’t need to seek my opinion, because I know you’re just informing me.” Xia Jingsong said slowly while looking at Liu Ruoxue. The atmosphere in this small home had never been so strange before. “From childhood to adulthood, you’ve always been making Ruoming do what you hope she’ll do, just like what you did to Liu Qingyun as an older sister back then.”

“Liu Qingyun is gone now, Ruoxue, can you accept that your daughter is gone too?”

“Since she was little, you taught Ruoming to be independent, to learn how to handle things alone. When Ruoming was injured in elementary school, you didn’t even ask about her injury. Ruoming could only bite her teeth while applying iodine and bandage herself. She had always been afraid of the dark, afraid of being alone, but you never once reached out to her in the darkness.”

“The more she resembled Liu Qingyun, the more you treated her the way you treated Liu Qingyun back then.”

“I don’t know if you remember, one summer vacation, our daughter had an essay assignment. Just because there were three wrong characters that were corrected, you tore up all her essays and made her rewrite them. She didn’t want to, so you took her to the bedside and told her if she didn’t do it, you would hit her.”

“At that time, Ruoming said, then go ahead and hit me, if getting hit means not having to rewrite, then I’ll take the beating.”

“But you coldly told Ruoming that even after getting beaten, she still had to rewrite the essay.”

“After that, Ruoming always did what you hoped she would do. But Ruoming’s own chosen path would always go against what you hoped for, just like Liu Qingyun. Perhaps you would never admit it, Ruoxue, but the fact is, most of the time it was you who was wrong, and the family rule of ‘apologize when wrong’ was something you would only say when you couldn’t argue anymore. Every time something happened, you would scold Ruoming without asking why.”

Liu Ruoxue looked at Xia Jingsong’s face. Although Xia Jingsong didn’t say what came after, she already knew what Xia Jingsong wanted to say.

Can a late apology still count as an apology? Can a broken heart be restored? Liu Qingyun chose to end her life because of her, even if she were to apologize to Liu Qingyun now, could Liu Qingyun come back to life?

“She’s very obedient in front of you, but that’s just so-called submission to power. Our daughter wasn’t naturally the type to be quiet and well-behaved. She could become like she is now simply because she likes a woman. This might be the only way she’s not like Liu Qingyun, and of course, not like you either.”

“Did Qingyun… really like me that much? Even after being married for so many years…” Liu Ruoxue sat down on the sofa, lost in thought, asking in a hoarse voice.

“You betrayed her…” Xia Jingsong shook his head, not directly answering Liu Ruoxue’s question, but all the answers were hidden in his words.

“Your honey is their poison.”

Liu Ruoxue stared at the walls of the room, her mood impossible to calm down. Even the decoration of this house was chosen by Liu Qingyun.

She understood what Xia Jingsong meant.

Liu Qingyun’s marriage was actually arranged entirely by Liu Ruoxue.

Perhaps it wasn’t just the marriage, even the romance was like this. She knew Ye Nianqiu had a secret crush on Liu Qingyun, so even the “chance encounter” between Liu Qingyun and Ye Nianqiu was arranged by Liu Ruoxue.

Watching her being pursued, watching her wear red, watching her get married, watching her smile in photos, watching her daughter being born.

All of this was just what Liu Ruoxue did to satisfy and comfort her own heart. Having grown up accepting traditional culture, she could never accept her sister liking her, not just because it was sisterly love, but also because it was a woman liking a woman. Even after reading through countless literary classics, she could never understand why a woman liking a woman was logical.

Although she didn’t believe her sister truly liked her, thinking it was just carrying over the habit of clinging to her from childhood, that sister who had gone down the wrong path mistook this feeling for love, but even just a woman liking a woman, she couldn’t accept it. She had to bring this sister back to the right path.

All of this was to re-educate what she considered a lost lamb back into being human.

But after Xia Jingsong personally admitted that Liu Qingyun’s loved one was her, and after she sacrificed her life for it, the color had completely drained from Liu Ruoxue’s face.

Her sister’s smiles were all just forced smiles. To comfort her as an older sister, Liu Qingyun never found happiness in this, and even felt that her own body had become dirty.

“Do you still think that what you believe is right is also right for them?”

“Where… is she… I want to go see her…” Liu Ruoxue said in a low voice. The usual light in her eyes was gone, leaving only darkness.

“You’d better not go, Ruoxue.” Xia Jingsong shook his head.

“Why not? She’s my sister, I can’t even go see her?”

“If souls really exist in this world, whether she resents you or still likes you, do you think it would be good for her to see you?” Xia Jingsong said softly, “She already suffered a lifetime of pain for you in this world. Now she should be happy in heaven, you’d better not trouble her anymore.”