What's Wrong with This Alpha? - Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – The Wedding Photo

“Wow, where did you go? I didn’t see you all morning.” Hao Shanshan hid in a classroom corner eating her breakfast—noodles—and offered half her bowl to Duan Yi. “Want some, President Duan?”

Duan Yi’s mind wandered. He couldn’t figure out why he’d woken up on Sheng Yunze’s bed that morning.

Had Sheng Yunze taken care of him all night?

When he woke, Sheng Yunze was lying on the bed, half his body hanging off the edge.

Duan Yi felt deep shame. Last night, he’d finally decided to unilaterally divorce Sheng Yunze. Why had his body gone to his ex’s bed instead?

Jiang Wangshu gathered his review materials and sat beside him. “Don’t worry about Ex-husband bro. We’re testing Chinese and English this morning. Did you memorize the Tengwang Pavilion Preface?”

Duan Yi flipped through his Chinese textbook, looking tired. “Yuzhang, old capital; Hongdu, new commandery. Stars divided between Yingshen and Zhen; land connects to Sheng Yunze?”

“Huh? ‘Land connects to Sheng Yunze’?” Jiang Wangshu asked. “Did you make that up? By the way, none of those lines are on the test.”

Duan Yi shoved Jiang Wangshu’s head. “Why did Sheng Yunze go to the media classroom?”

“Because he’s taking the test there. Are you coming too?”

“No way. What kind of person do you think I am?”

Jiang Wangshu: “I thought you made up with your ex-husband bro.”

Duan Yi chuckled, “Him? Ha! I’d date a wooden club before getting back with Sheng Yunze. Here, take this and get lost.”

Jiang Wangshu yelled, “Hey! That’s my formula cheat sheet!”

Inside the exam room, Duan Yi quickly swapped his black pen for an automatic pencil when the proctor wasn’t looking, then scribbled madly on the yellow desk.

When the math test came, he skipped the multiple-choice questions. First, he copied the formulas he’d memorized onto scratch paper. Then, for each big question, he wrote “Solution” and added a fancy-looking formula after each one. This would get him the teacher’s 2-point pity score.

Duan Yi sighed in relief. He figured he’d at least get 20 points.

For the remaining 80 minutes, he spent an hour sleeping, 5 minutes folding paper planes, and 5 minutes bothering classmates. This included kicking his desk partner’s desk leg, chatting with new friends to get the teacher’s attention, and copying the most serious test-taker’s answers, which earned him a warning from the proctor.

When the proctor saw it was Duan Yi, he didn’t even bother with the warning. He stood nearby with an almost-smile, sometimes chatting with Duan Yi.

He was famous at school, especially among teachers. He was the type who talked back in class, often visited the discipline office, and after class would joke around with teachers, the “bad” student who liked to be friendly.

He was bad at studying, but popular and handsome. He lived like a funny story. Every class or school has someone like this. Duan Yi was that person.

When asked about leaving early, the proctor said angrily, “Go. I don’t want to argue.”

Duan Yi laughed and ran away quickly.

As he ran, he took off his school uniform to show his silly skull shirt, showing off his young, lively spirit.

He was running free like the wind, but before he reached the school gate—even before he could meet his friends—Principal He caught him halfway.

Duan Yi cried out, “Principal He! Please spare me! I didn’t do anything wrong today. I just want to eat lunch at the gate!”

Principal He didn’t fall for his act. He grabbed Duan Yi by the back of his neck like a kitten and dragged him to the discipline office.

Thud, thud. Two photos were thrown onto the table.

“What’s with you two?”

Sheng Yunze stood on the left, Duan Yi on the right.

Principal He stood before them with hands on hips. He was short—only 1.5 meters tall, barely reaching Duan Yi’s arm—but his energy made him seem 2.2 meters tall.

Principal He turned twice, energy strong. “I told you to take student photos. All others did it right. You two want special treatment? Huh? Acting alone? Disobeying rules?”

Duan Yi: “But my photo looks fine…”

Principal He took the photo from the table and stuck it on Duan Yi’s forehead. “Fine? Is this a magazine cover or student ID? I asked for a headshot, but you gave me a half-body with arms crossed? You’re the only one in school who looks like Ma Yun! Are you cosplaying him?”

The ID photo showed Duan Yi with a serious face, arms crossed, slightly turned, head raised—the classic pose of a successful person. Cut out and it could go straight into Time magazine with the headline: “Must-Read: 9 Secrets of Successful Entrepreneurs.”

Duan Yi rubbed his nose. “I thought it made me look cooler…”

Principal He was upset. “Retake it!”

“You have nothing to say?” After scolding Duan Yi, Principal He now turned to berate Sheng Yunze.

Sheng Yunze was the Admissions Office’s favorite. Every September 2nd, he filmed recruitment videos to attract new students from major high schools. With good grades and no past mistakes, Principal He’s voice dropped eight octaves.

“Duan Yi messed up, and you did too? You just skipped post-processing and used Gaussian blur?”

Duan Yi opened one eye, peeked at Sheng Yunze’s photo, then burst out laughing, rolling on the floor.

Sheng Yunze’s ID photo was blurry, like a 10-grade earthquake had hit. Only a face was visible, as if Photoshop’s Gaussian blur had been set to 100.

“I got bumped during the shoot.” Sheng Yunze calmly took back his photo, admitting his mistake. “Sorry, Mr. He. It won’t happen again.”

“No next time. You two will reshoot at noon today.”

Duan Yi immediately protested, like a dog fluffing its fur. “Me? With him?!”

“What’s your problem?” Principal He demanded.

“I…”

“Complain? Copy Divine Sword and Hero!”

Duan Yi quickly changed his tune. “I have no problem!”

Divine Sword and Hero was one of Principal He’s favorite books.

He loved it so much he made everyone else love it too. The book became a required reading for Hangzhou Second High School.

It also became Principal He’s way to punish students. At Second High, any school bully who hadn’t copied Divine Sword and Hero in the Student Affairs Office would be embarrassed!

You didn’t even need to copy the whole book. Half of it would make you fly like a hero.

Duan Yi had to call Jiang Wangshu and tell them not to wait, canceling the internet café day trip.

“I’m taking photos! What I take photos of is none of your business! I’m alone, not with anyone! Ugh, I’m going out all night tonight. Bye!”

Beep. The call ended.

Duan Yi looked at Sheng Yunze. “Where are you taking photos?”

“The school gate. Where else?”

“Just asking. Even though Principal He told us to take photos together, I don’t want to be with you. Disband here.”

Ten minutes later, Duan Yi arrived at the photo studio by the school gate.

Sheng Yunze raised an eyebrow. “Disband here?”

Duan Yi forced himself to say, “Emergency regroup…”

The photo shop he often visited was closed. Duan Yi walked around and ended up back at the one near the school gate.

Looking up, Duan Yi said, “Wow…”

Sheng Yunze asked, “What’s with the ‘wow’?”

Duan Yi replied, “In my memory, it used to be a small photo shop. How… did it become a studio?”

The owner walked out enthusiastically. “Welcome! This way please. For photos?”

Duan Yi asked, “Yes, can we get it printed right away?” He turned to Sheng Yunze and whispered, “Are you sure you didn’t go to the wrong place? I swear the school gate photo shop was tiny! This looks like a full studio! Wow, there’s even wedding photo setups over there. Is this really not a studio?”

Of course it was a studio.

Sheng Yunze thought to himself.

He’d chosen Second High School’s backdoor studio precisely to avoid Duan Yi changing his mind halfway and showing up at the school gate shop instead.

But Duan Yi, the ultimate directionally challenged person, seemed to have a radar for finding him. Even after changing locations, he’d still managed to locate the studio.

He sighed deeply.

Sheng Yunze looked at Duan Yi’s baby-faced features, curiously peering around like a puppy, his sighs growing heavier.

“You’ve never seen a bigger photo studio before?” Sheng Yunze teased.

Duan Yi answered bluntly, “That’s because I’ve never come here with you before.”

Sheng Yunze: …

Duan Yi: “Why are you looking at me like that? Are you secretly mocking me again?!”

Sheng Yunze’s ears turned red, “I’m just reminding you to stop talking nonsense. And this is honest mockery, idiot.”

Duan Yi exploded, “Who are you calling an idiot?”

Sheng Yunze’s expression remained calm, “The idiot who drew wavy lines instead of straight ones when analyzing forces.”

Duan Yi choked, “That’s because I forgot my ruler!”

Sheng Yunze tilted his head, his single eyelids lifting mockingly, “The dashed lines too? Because you didn’t bring your ruler?”

Duan Yi: …

Sheng Yunze’s sharp words, “Looks like you love showing off your art skills on physics tests. Remember last time when you calculated the ball’s distance—let me emphasize ‘distance’—you were the one who got a square root with decimals. From a compulsory education perspective, have you ever seen answers with square roots for distances, especially ones with fractions?”

Duan Yi’s face turned red. “Aaaaaah! You must stop talking!”

The shop owner smiled. “You two have such a good relationship.”

“Good my ass!” Duan Yi said.

“Only on this point do I agree with you,” Sheng Yunze said.

The shop owner hummed in response. To Sheng Yunze, he said, “You even remember the decimal point under the square root on his test paper. Isn’t that a sign of a good relationship?”

Duan Yi: …

Sheng Yunze said calmly, “It only means I have a good memory.”

Photography staff brought out two suits.

Duan Yi compared them and muttered, “We need to wear suits for ID photos?”

Sheng Yunze said, “You even thought of crossing your arms. What’s a suit compared to that?”

Duan Yi retorted, “Heh, someone who got blurred in the photo can’t talk.”

Sheng Yunze also felt something was off, but he rarely came to photo studios and didn’t know the rules. He could only change into the suit with some doubt.

The shop owner stood behind the camera, talking to the photographer.

“Young people are getting married earlier and earlier these days.”

Photographer: “Boss, are you sure? They look like students.”

Shop owner: “No way. There’s only one couple scheduled for wedding photos at noon today. How could I mix them up?”

He looked up. “Stand closer. Smile. Look more intimate. Yes, yes, yes.”

Duan Yi forced a smile. “Boss, are we done yet?”

He complained, This photo studio is so weird. Why take ID photos together? To save time?

Shop owner directed, “Alpha, tilt your head left. Yes, yes, yes.”

Sheng Yunze: …

Twenty minutes later, the photos were printed.

Duan Yi changed from suit to school uniform, shocked.

He showed the photo to the boss. “Why did you put us together?”

Shop owner looked surprised. “Huh? You want separate photos?”

Duan Yi stared. “What? Have you seen ID photos taken together?”

Shop owner was even more shocked. “What ID photos? You two booked wedding photos!”

Sheng Yunze: …

Duan Yi stammered, “W-w-w-w-w-w-w—”

“Wedding photos,” Sheng Yunze added.

Duan Yi: “……Thanks a lot, bro.”

Sheng Yunze glanced at him, deadpan, “N-n-n-n-n-no need to thank me.”

Aaaahhhh!! Sheng Yunze, I’m gonna fucking kill you!!

Duan Yi clawed at the wall in rage.

Ding!

The studio door opened.

Two neatly dressed young men stepped in. “Hi, sorry we’re late, traffic was terrible. We’re the couple who booked the noon wedding shoot. The last four digits of my phone number are 6014…”

Author’s note:

Duan Yi: I’m so mad!! I’m gonna explode!!

Sheng “Calm” Yunze’s bunny face: -.-