Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 77

Chapter 77: Wavering

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The heavy rain falling outside the window seemed to drip onto the flower stand, and also onto Xia Ruoming’s heart.

Even though it was her favorite Keigo Higashino’s newly delivered novel 《The Cross of Emptiness》, Xia Ruoming couldn’t read a single word. After casually flipping through a few pages, she tossed the book aside and stared blankly at the heavy rain outside the window.

For a moment, Xia Ruoming felt that the timid girl who had been sitting in front of her earlier wasn’t Xu Fengwu, but Chu Suhe, only she would behave in such a manner.

Perhaps influenced by the impact of rebirth, the sense of wavering that Xu Fengwu brought to Xia Ruoming was even stronger than in her previous life.

How could that cool and ethereal girl from her previous life, who spoke with a hint of pride, become like this now?

Just thinking about these things made Xia Ruoming’s head throb unbearably, even causing some hallucinations from her previous life to appear before her eyes, making her emotions much more irritable.

She originally wanted to light a cigarette to calm herself down, but when she picked up the cigarette, she remembered her determination to quit smoking. Fighting through the severe headache, Xia Ruoming threw the entire pack of cigarettes into the trash can.

The severe headache and tinnitus tortured Xia Ruoming together, making her feel like she could barely stand on her feet.

Hearing Xia Ruoming’s cry, Xu Fengwu hurriedly ran out from the bedroom and supported her as she was half-kneeling on the ground, holding her head in both hands.

“Ruoming, are you alright?” Putting one of Xia Ruoming’s arms over her shoulder, Xu Fengwu gently supported her to her bedroom. Originally having a slight fever herself and lacking strength, Xu Fengwu wobbled as she helped Xia Ruoming walk.

“I’m… fine…” Even saying these three words seemed to drain all of Xia Ruoming’s strength.

As she had discovered before, the mental trauma she suffered in her previous life hadn’t improved in this life, perhaps this was the price of her rebirth.

After asking Xu Fengwu to get two bottles of cold beer from the refrigerator in the kitchen, Xia Ruoming downed both bottles directly. The alcohol numbed her nerves, reducing the pain, and then the normal nighttime drowsiness began to surface.

After her mental state stabilized, Xia Ruoming felt the pain subside significantly, and she drifted off to sleep in accordance with her fatigue.

In the middle of the night, Xia Ruoming suddenly woke up feeling inexplicably feverish. Feeling thirsty, she tried to get up for some water but felt something clinging to her body.

Looking back, Xia Ruoming saw Xu Fengwu hugging her like an octopus in her sleep, her fluffy pajamas pressing tightly against her body.

Shaking off the strange thoughts in her mind, Xia Ruoming forcefully freed herself bit by bit from the girl’s embrace. She walked to the living room and drank several glasses of water before slowly walking back to the bedroom.

In the dark room, Xu Fengwu was staring at Xia Ruoming with those big eyes, making her feel uncomfortable all over.

“Xu Fengwu, what exactly do you want, staying awake in the middle of the night? And who told you to get into my bed?” Unable to bear being stared at anymore, Xia Ruoming couldn’t help but ask.

In the dim light, Xia Ruoming clearly saw Xu Fengwu’s pouty expression.

Last night you were in such a state, and it was me who took care of you, how can you turn your back on me now?

“Ruoming… can we really not go back to how we were before… even if I have to pursue you again, can you please stop pushing me away…” Though the voice was very soft, Xia Ruoming still heard the slight crying in her speech.

Xia Ruoming tried hard to keep herself calm, whenever her heart became chaotic, she would experience that headache, and she really didn’t want to go through it again.

“Fengwu, stop throwing your little tantrums.” Xia Ruoming said softly, “Time cannot flow backward, and we can’t return to the past. I told you, you’ll meet better people, trust me.”

“I’m not throwing tantrums! And I don’t want to meet better people, you’re the only one I want to be with!” Xu Fengwu’s tone suddenly became urgent, but after realizing her outburst, she returned to her weak tone, “I don’t want anyone else, I just want to be with you forever, one life, one world, one pair.”

“Yes, I once thought that way too.” At some point, tears had rolled down Xia Ruoming’s cheeks, seemingly grieving for her past self, though Xu Fengwu couldn’t see them in the dark room.

Just like back then, when Xu Fengwu never looked back.

“Ruoming, you can think that way now too, we can start over together, can’t we?” Xu Fengwu felt her tone was full of pleading, she had never been so humble before.

“Fengwu, you know what? No one has ever measured up to who you were back then, not even who you are now.”

“I’m no longer the Xia Ruoming of the past, and you’re no longer the Xu Fengwu of the past.”

“So… my answer is, people must move forward, don’t look back anymore.”

After saying this, Xia Ruoming gave a bitter laugh. She was always telling Xu Fengwu to keep moving forward and not look back, but had she done so herself?

Perhaps, not at all…

Yes, she really didn’t want to repeat the mistakes of her previous life, especially not wanting fate to think she was a fool.

But facing her pitiful white moonlight, who could guarantee their heart wouldn’t waver at all? Since Xia Ruoming’s heart first wavered, she had to clench her fists tightly just to speak words of rejection. That inexplicable sourness mixed with an indescribable feeling always made her hesitate.

“Is it because of Chu Suhe and Xiao Qinghan?” After hearing Xia Ruoming’s answer, Xu Fengwu remained silent for a long while before asking this question.

“Mm… Although who I like has nothing to do with you anymore, Fengwu, I don’t mind telling you. You guessed correctly, it is because of them.” Xia Ruoming answered, and after hesitating for a moment, she added: “And I like both of them, so now I’m a player. You liked the pure me from the past, but that person is long gone, so you better give up early.”

Tightly gripping a thorny rose won’t bring happiness, it will only leave your hands bloody, just like me. Although Xia Ruoming wanted to say this, she ultimately didn’t.

Although she had always known, hearing it from Xia Ruoming’s own mouth made Xu Fengwu feel like she was going to turn dark, like the yandere protagonists in those novels.

Xia Ruoming shouldn’t like other women, Xia Ruoming should only be good to her alone, all of Xia Ruoming’s gentleness should belong to her alone, she had always thought this way.

Because, during these long five years, all these things had indeed been hers alone.

Xu Fengwu closed her eyes and let out a long breath, as if making some kind of determination, and said something that shocked Xia Ruoming.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind, I will show you, Ruoming, that I’m better than all of them.”