Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 4

Chapter 4: If I Ever Like Her Again, I’ll Wash My Hair with Cola While Doing a Handstand

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“If I, Xia Ruoming, ever like Xu Fengwu again, if I ever act like a love-sick puppy for Xu Fengwu again, I’ll wash my hair with cola while doing a handstand!” Xia Ruoming swore while holding her head. Her image was completely ruined. Damn, why didn’t she have this memory? Could she have been blackout drunk? “Now do you believe me?”

Ji Chuan still looked at Xia Ruoming suspiciously, then slowly spoke: “It’s okay, sis, don’t make oaths so easily. You should know love-sick puppies don’t change their nature so easily. What if one day you remember again, and then that Xu Fengwu just waves at you, wouldn’t you go running back?”

“You little… looking for trouble?” Xia Ruoming cracked her knuckles and gave Ji Chuan a playful smile.

Ji Chuan immediately backed down. He was just a shut-in, and although this sworn sister of his was female, she was a sports specialist after all. Not only was she a head taller than him, but even though she had given up basketball for 5 years, she never stopped exercising, showing true self-discipline. He was no match for her at all.

“Sis, are you really okay?” Although Ji Chuan’s words were harsh, he was genuinely concerned, even changing how he addressed her. He had seen the scene where Xia Ruoming nearly hurt herself after breaking down. Ji Chuan truly worried this might be some kind of pre-psychotic episode brightening, and Xia Ruoming might just kick the bucket tonight. Should he notify auntie?

“Stop talking nonsense. Let’s get some skewers tonight, then play some DOTA2. I’ll show you a mid TK, just watch me destroy the enemy.” Xia Ruoming patted Ji Chuan’s head, then suddenly felt something was off, “Since when did you start calling me sis? Why are you so concerned about me today?”

“I’m just worried you might go crazy drunk again tonight and hit me with bottles,” Ji Chuan scratched his head. Xia Ruoming seemed to have really changed, but something felt very off – like she had become more… mature?

Hearing these words, Xia Ruoming let out an almost imperceptible sigh. It seemed her willfulness had caused quite some trouble for those who cared about her.

“Did I cause any trouble for Auntie Zhong…?” Xia Ruoming asked quietly, only now thinking about this issue.

She didn’t dare drink at home in front of Liu Ruoxue, or she’d definitely get lectured. She could only hide at Zhong Hui’s place, crying and numbing herself with alcohol. Zhong Hui never lectured her or stopped her, hadn’t even asked what happened. She just wiped away her tears with a warm towel when she was drunk and carried her to bed to sleep.

“It’s not really trouble. My mom said she’d call in sick for you if you couldn’t get up. She’s already talked to Auntie Liu about it. She doesn’t know about your drinking, don’t worry.” Ji Chuan returned to his casual demeanor.

“Ah…” Xia Ruoming just sighed again, her hand unconsciously reaching for the women’s cigarettes in her bag, only to find that neither her women’s Zippo nor Marlboro Ice weren’t there – she was no longer that career woman who always carried a shoulder bag.

In the future, she had developed mild cognitive impairment and agoraphobia, with episodes triggered by anxiety, but small amounts of nicotine could calm her down, which led to her nicotine addiction.

In the future world, there was a sarcastic joke: she smokes and drinks but she’s still a good girl.

She both smoked and drank, and though she wasn’t sure if she still counted as a good girl, she had never been to nightclubs in her twenty years, and had only given herself to one person, maintaining at least some basic standards.

“Come on, let’s go eat at the cafeteria.” Unable to find her cigarettes, Xia Ruoming gave up and prepared to take Ji Chuan to the cafeteria.

“Not planning to go home today either, sis?” Ji Chuan knew this woman, who had been his childhood friend, all too well. Once she broke down, it would take at least ten to fifteen days to recover. Liu Ruoxue was strict at home, only Ji Chuan’s mom was this indulgent with her.

Come to think of it, Liu Ruoxue was good to Ji Chuan, Zhong Hui was good to Xia Ruoming, were they switched at birth? Ji Chuan always had this doubt.

“Of course I’m going home. Why wouldn’t I? I’ve had my drink, I’ve had my cry, now it’s time to start a new life. From today on, this lady is going to forget the past and start life anew.” Xia Ruoming looked at the blue sky through the corridor window with a reminiscent gaze.

Although she really didn’t want to relive another life of torment, looking at it now, being reborn didn’t seem so bad. After all, ten years later, it would be hard to see such skies in Chengdu, it was always hazy. Just looking at this was enough.

“You talk like you’ve lived for decades. How old are you anyway? Stop acting so old and mature, aren’t you afraid of really getting old?” Ji Chuan pursed his lips with some disdain in his voice. Acting so mature, yet still having to be obedient in front of Auntie Liu. However, he had to admit, after crying all night, his sister now seemed to have a boss-like aura.

“This isn’t about being old, it’s about growing up. Never mind, you wouldn’t understand right now. Not being obsessed with the past and learning to harmonize with the world is also part of growing up.”

“Bleh, crying like that last night and now preaching big principles, aren’t you afraid of really getting old? Come on, if we keep talking philosophy, there won’t be any seats left in the cafeteria.” Ji Chuan made a face and ran towards the cafeteria.

“Tch, you brat.” Xia Ruoming shook her head helplessly. Her sworn brother seemed like he would never grow up, as if he had no worries at all. In her previous life, she had received a lot of help from Ji Mengxian and Zhong Hui. When she was most troubled, Zhong Hui even sold her wedding jewelry to help her, without any IOU, without any guarantee, without even saying it was a loan or when it needed to be repaid. The couple just handed her a thick envelope with extreme seriousness, giving her no chance to refuse.

In this life, she was prepared to pave the way for her sworn brother’s future. In the previous life, Ji Chuan had been too upright and faced obstacles everywhere. Now, she would give him a space where he could freely express his uprightness and straightforwardness.

Only when receiving help in times of dire need does one truly understand human warmth and coldness.

The mid-spring sunlight fell on her, bringing a touch of warmth. She once again felt the benefits of youth. No legs that felt like they were filled with lead all the time, no spirit that felt exhausted all the time.

People around campus kept looking in Xia Ruoming’s direction, whispering with their companions. Perhaps they all knew about her failed confession and were laughing at how she had been such a love-sick puppy for so long, even towards Xu Fengwu who was also female. Despite always being surrounded by various admirers, she had never looked back at them once, believing her world only had Xu Fengwu.

It’s okay, she wouldn’t be so foolish in this life.

Whether it was an illusion or perhaps a benefit of being reborn, Xia Ruoming felt her body was much lighter than she remembered from high school. Had her body improved after being reborn?