Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 31

Chapter 31: White Hair Cannot Be Replaced by Snow, Meeting You Was the Best Fortune

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Xia Ruoming’s family background was just ordinary, not as well-off as many of her classmates. Even though she didn’t have much money and was still just a student, because it was Xu Fengwu’s birthday, she chose to give her the best gift.

She just wanted to make Xu Fengwu happier, regardless of the cost.

Xu Fengwu recalled her cold response back then, and Xia Ruoming’s forced smile as she left.

She no longer remembered how lonely Xia Ruoming looked when she quietly left the party alone, only remembering how under the lights, Xia Ruoming’s shadow stretched long, very long, just like the growing distance between them.

There was a sketchbook on the bed. When Xu Fengwu opened it, she found it was full of drawings of her.

There was her wearing the silver crystal hairpin, Xu Fengwu still remembered that hairpin, it was the first gift she received from Xia Ruoming. But Li Jing told her the hairpin was tacky and didn’t suit her, so she never wore it afterward and didn’t know where she had thrown it.

There was her holding a little panda plushie, just because she had glanced at a hidden prize panda picture in the arcade claw machine and said it was cute, Xia Ruoming spent who knows how long trying to get it for her. Although she didn’t even receive a thank you, Xia Ruoming was still very happy.

There was her smiling while feeding stray cats, though using Xia Ruoming’s loving packed lunch…

There was her seriously playing piano at the birthday party, with the breeze gently moving her bangs, truly beautiful…

All thoughts were of the stars, but the stars were unreachable.

On the last page was drawn the scene from that night on the rooftop, except instead of Xu Fengwu rejecting her with harsh words, it showed the two of them leaning together against the railing, gazing at the moon.

Below the drawing were two lines of small text:

“White hair cannot be replaced by snow, meeting you was the best fortune.”

“Speak not of beauty’s length or brevity, old friend in new dress bids farewell.”

Crying, Xu Fengwu picked up the pen from the desk and added a line below Xia Ruoming’s words:

“May we have years to look back upon, and share deep feelings till our hair turns white.”

After writing, Xu Fengwu closed the bedroom door, wrapped herself in Xia Ruoming’s blanket, and broke down crying helplessly.

Waves of subtle fragrance triggered unstoppable memories of the past.

Xu Fengwu finally realized that Xia Ruoming always had many people around her, but Xia Ruoming only liked her, so she deliberately ignored all those admirers. Just because she liked her, she was willing to humbly follow behind her.

“I’m used to you walking behind me, accepting all my demands, if I could turn back time, pride would no longer exist, holding nothing back, humbly begging…”

Perhaps this scene couldn’t be better described than with these lyrics. Xu Fengwu could hardly imagine what kind of feelings the past Xia Ruoming must have had to persist for so many years.

The distance between Xia Ruoming and her had always been very close, it was she herself who pushed Xia Ruoming away step by step.

It was she who did this with her own hands.

At that moment she finally understood her feelings for Xia Ruoming, she liked Xia Ruoming too. But once like becomes habit, everything seems taken for granted. Xu Fengwu wasn’t feeling so terrible just because she lost someone who adored her, she knew that with just a wave of her hand, countless people would come to adore her, and there were plenty who would gladly be her ATM.

But she had never done that.

Because Xia Ruoming had already given her the world’s best protection, without any complaints.

But she suddenly understood that she seemed to have realized too late.

Everything was already too late…

The past cannot be revisited, time cannot flow backward.

Though it was just a light rain, it fell all night long. Xu Fengwu’s tears, like the night rain, flowed for the entire night.

She deeply regretted that her past self hadn’t cherished this relationship, hadn’t recognized her own heart, but regret is the most useless thing in this world.

Life has no medicine for regret, even if she jumped from this building, she couldn’t be reborn to the day of Xia Ruoming’s last confession.

Xia Ruoming had even kissed Xiao Qinghan…

What should have been hers ended up as nothing in the end…

A sleepless night.

The next day when Liu Ruoxue knocked and came in to call Xu Fengwu for breakfast, she was startled, bloodshot panda eyes that were still swollen, those eyes lacking their usual sparkle, Xu Fengwu looking somewhat listless on the bed.

“Xiao Xu, what’s wrong? Couldn’t sleep? Is there something uncomfortable about Ruoming’s room?” Liu Ruoxue asked with concern, while also sighing internally, if something was uncomfortable she should have said so, isn’t it just torturing herself to not sleep all night?

“Auntie… I’m fine…” Xu Fengwu answered, but found her voice was so hoarse she could barely speak, crying all night had left her completely drained of energy.

“Child, you call this fine?” Liu Ruoxue felt Xu Fengwu’s forehead, seemed okay, looks like she just didn’t rest well.

After some searching, Liu Ruoxue took out a box of compound coral grass lozenges for Xu Fengwu, and gave her two hot compress patches.

“Go have breakfast first, I’ve made it for you. Put one hot compress patch on your eyes later, and use another one when you get to school, it’ll make you feel better. If you’re really not feeling well, don’t go to school today, I’ll help you ask Teacher Xiao for leave. You can stay here for the day, auntie will take care of you.”

“Okay, thank you auntie…” Xu Fengwu answered, forcing through the pain in her throat.

Breakfast was simple, a coffee, a fried egg, and a luncheon meat purple cabbage sandwich.

While Xu Fengwu was taking small bites of breakfast, Liu Ruoxue left to take a phone call.

It was from Xu Yihan.

Though in another room, Xu Fengwu still heard things like “It’s no trouble at all, this is nothing,” “Don’t worry about money, this is just a small matter,” “Don’t you want to talk to your daughter?” and such, then Liu Ruoxue came back and sat across from her.

“Xiao Xu, your mom called because your phone was off, so she contacted me. She said she has urgent business these two days and can’t come home. Since you don’t have your key, she asked if you could stay at our place for two days. Auntie wants to ask – would you prefer to stay at a hotel, or stay here?” Liu Ruoxue asked with concern, since seeing how Xu Fengwu hadn’t slept all night, not knowing if she was uncomfortable staying here, wondering if a hotel might be better.

“Ah… okay… it’s fine, I’ll just stay here, thank you auntie…” Xu Fengwu said softly, but couldn’t hide the slight excitement in her voice.

Living together with Xia Ruoming? Isn’t this the best chance to rekindle their old relationship and hold hands again? She wouldn’t miss this opportunity.