Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 30

Chapter 30: All Are Her Memories, All Are Her Past

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Liu Ruoxue brought Xu Fengwu back to her home, and after preparing a tub of hot water, she let Xu Fengwu take a hot bath to at least prevent her from catching a cold. Afterward, Liu Ruoxue asked Xu Fengwu for Xu Yihan’s phone number and called Xu Yihan to introduce herself, explained Xu Fengwu’s situation, and informed her that Xu Fengwu might not return home tonight.

A barely audible sigh came from the other end of the phone, followed by expressions of gratitude to Liu Ruoxue.

Soon Xu Fengwu walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, and Liu Ruoxue handed her Xia Ruoming’s pajamas and a hair dryer.

“These are my daughter’s pajamas, they might be a bit big for you, but please make do with them as we don’t have any other clothes,” Liu Ruoxue said while leading Xu Fengwu to Xia Ruoming’s bedroom. “Go dry your hair first, the socket is on the left side of the desk. Ruoming won’t be coming back today, so feel free to sleep here, it’s fine. Her duvet cover and pillowcases were recently changed, and the blanket has just been washed, so there’s no odd smell.”

“Thank you, Auntie Liu… I don’t mind,” Xu Fengwu replied softly.

“Saying thank you means you’re being too formal, right? You and Ruoming are such good friends, when you come here I treat you like my own daughter. Wait a moment, I’ll go make you a cup of hot buckwheat tea, it’ll be good for your health. Be careful not to catch a cold wandering around outside in such cold rain.” Liu Ruoxue patted Xu Fengwu’s head, smiling lovingly, then left the bedroom to pour her some tea.

Xu Fengwu just bit her lip, not daring to respond. If Liu Ruoxue knew about her current relationship with Xia Ruoming, would she still care for her this way?

“Leave your phone number with auntie, in the future if anything like this happens you can come directly here.” Liu Ruoxue placed the hot water-brewed buckwheat tea on the desk. “If you feel unwell at all, you must tell auntie, I’ll get you medicine. If you need anything just say so, treat this as your own home.”

“Thank you, auntie…” Although Liu Ruoxue told her not to be formal, she couldn’t possibly not express gratitude.

Holding the warm buckwheat tea, Xu Fengwu sat on Xia Ruoming’s bed. The room had a faint jasmine fragrance, her favorite scent. The former Xia Ruoming had imagined that one day she would come home with her, so the wall-mounted incense in the room always used her favorite jasmine fragrance.

Xia Ruoming’s room wasn’t very large, and with two standing bookshelves it felt even more crowded. The bookshelves held many moe-style manga volumes, the Taiwan version of 《The Vampire Next Door》, 《Yuru Yuri》, and one shelf was dedicated entirely to monthly 《IC Yuri Hime》 magazines. The other bookshelf was filled with hardcover social detective novels, mostly by Keigo Higashino, such as 《Detective Galileo》.

Various Houbunsha manga merchandise was scattered around the room, and a purple wind chime hung at the head of the bed.

Xu Fengwu remembered that wind chime, as it was one of the few return gifts she had given to Xia Ruoming, seemingly a free gift from some department store. She had no use for it so she casually gave it to Xia Ruoming, who remained excited about it for several days.

It was this ordinary wind chime that Xia Ruoming treasured like a precious gem, hanging it at her bedhead for several years, maintaining it like new, never allowing dust to gather on it.

In the corner of the windowsill were flowers that Xia Ruoming grew herself, and some failed dried flower arrangements. On the pink-purple curtains were some amateur drawings, recording her immature fantasies about Xu Fengwu from those years.

Many notebooks were arranged on the desk, mostly containing short stories written by Xia Ruoming herself. Of course, all the female protagonists were Xu Fengwu, and even after her rebirth, she hadn’t gotten around to throwing these things away. In their second year of high school, there was a drama performance, and Xia Ruoming had specially written a script for Xu Fengwu, only to be ridiculed by her, who asked if fantasizing about her all day made her sick.

Though Xia Ruoming wasn’t here, it felt like she was everywhere.

Xu Fengwu held back her tears. She could cry when alone, but she didn’t want to now. Liu Ruoxue was still here, and everything was because of her own mistakes, crying and whimpering here would only make Liu Ruoxue worry.

On the bookshelf was a tin can in a glass box. Xu Fengwu took it down to look, and it seemed to contain a Budweiser Black Gold series beer can. On the back of the glass box was a note with a pencil-sketched portrait of a girl. Though rough, Xu Fengwu recognized it as herself.

Below was written: “Farewell, our white moonlight, and our youthful dreams. Even if stars are presumptuous, they cannot illuminate the moon’s world. That night’s cold wind under the moon has blown away my fantasies, let the past be buried in memories. The dream has ended, our story stops here. From now on, I am just me, not anyone’s Xia Ruoming, not living for anyone.”

Beside it was a broken heart emoji drawn in red pen.

Words full of youthful painful literary sentiment, but they pierced Xu Fengwu’s heart like knives.

Xia Ruoming’s dream had ended, but Xu Fengwu remained trapped in that dream called the past, never able to escape.

Under the moonlit rooftop, Xu Fengwu knew well what Xia Ruoming had written about. It was the night when Xia Ruoming confessed to her, and her words had deeply hurt her.

Xu Fengwu felt her eyes blur and breathing become difficult as endless heartache and pain welled up.

Because her heart was broken, Xia Ruoming decided to give up on her, waking from that beautiful dream where only in fantasy could there be a happy ending.

Who knows what Xia Ruoming went through that night, but after that night, her attitude toward Xu Fengwu changed fundamentally.

Xu Fengwu, her face covered in tears, buried her face in the pillow and sobbed quietly, but felt something hard underneath.

She reached under the pillow and found a small metal box.

Seeing this box, memories of Xia Ruoming surged up again.

Xu Fengwu knew what was in that box because she had an identical one containing a Tiffany rose gold necklace.

She just didn’t know why Xia Ruoming had bought one herself too.

Xu Fengwu carefully opened the metal box, inside was a star necklace, and beneath it a pressed note with words Xia Ruoming never dared to speak.

“This is a matching pair of necklaces, stars forever accompany the moon. Perhaps I am just one of many stars in your night sky, but you will always be my moon, and forever my only one. Just being by your side makes me happy.”

The note also recorded how much money Xia Ruoming saved each day for the necklace, busy with part-time jobs, she hardly had any rest time.

The elegant handwriting was like needles, piercing Xu Fengwu’s heart.