Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 28

Chapter 28: You Walked Away Too Fast, Never Looking Back

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When Xu Fengwu called out to her just now with that slightly sorrowful voice, her mental state had already become unstable. Because of this, she could only use nicotine to calm her emotions just like in her past life, helping herself stay calm and return to a normal mental state.

Speaking of smoking, it was Jiang Ruhua who taught her, but later Jiang Ruhua quit while she couldn’t.

By the time she learned to smoke, the original instigator had already reformed.

Xia Ruoming truly loved Xu Fengwu, caring for her unconditionally for 5 years, not knowing how many times she had moved herself to tears. She buried all her pain deep in her heart, not knowing how many times it had shattered.

Her heart wasn’t a cold stone, and she couldn’t completely let go of Xu Fengwu either. When someone can return to more than 10 years ago, and their white moonlight is different from the previous timeline, truly showing trends of improving their terrible personality, how many people could really remain unmoved?

So when Xu Fengwu’s timeline became completely different from the past one, she was truly in turmoil. Staying away from Xu Fengwu was just to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Xia Ruoming was still that… girl trapped on the moonlit rooftop.

“The moonlight is beautiful,” Xia Ruoming said suddenly, gazing at the sky.

“Yes, and the wind is so gentle,” Xu Fengwu replied, brushing Xia Ruoming’s loose hair. Sensing that their relationship was improving, Xu Fengwu’s voice changed from previous excitement and grievance to gentleness.

When she heard Xia Ruoming say those words about the beautiful moonlight, Xu Fengwu felt her heart skip a beat.

She naturally knew what that phrase meant, originating from Natsume Soseki, the original sentence being 【今夜は月が绮丽ですね】, meaning that because of your presence, the moonlight appears especially beautiful, and this phrase itself was a translation result, with the English original being simply “I love you.”

Xu Fengwu thought Xia Ruoming had fallen for her again, which was why she said this inherently confessional phrase. This time, she didn’t want to lose Xia Ruoming again, so she also said the second half of the phrase, as if… responding to her confession.

Yes, the wind is also gentle.

Because your gentleness protects me, even the blowing wind feels gentle to me.

“But the moon is no longer the moon of the past, and we are no longer who we used to be,” Xia Ruoming gazed at the sky, and Xu Fengwu clearly saw tears glistening in her eyes.

“Time’s river flows to the sea, we finally walk separate ways…”

At this moment, Xia Ruoming began humming softly, but there was no joy of finally waking up and leaving Xu Fengwu in the tune, only faint sadness.

“No! I don’t want to walk separate ways!” Xu Fengwu understood what song she was humming and immediately embraced her, tears wetting Xia Ruoming’s shoulder. “We can return to the past, right, Ruoming? No matter what scars I left on you, I will wait with you until they heal. Can we go back to how we were before?”

Hearing these words, that sad smile appeared on Xia Ruoming’s face again. If it was her past life self hearing these words, she probably would have remained devoted to Xu Fengwu forever.

“Actually, the moonlight that night on the rooftop was beautiful, even more beautiful than now.”

“But Fengwu, you left too hurriedly, never looking back once.”

“By the time you wanted to look back, the moon was no longer the moon of that moment.”

“We… can’t become who we were in the past either.”

Just as Xu Fengwu was about to say something, Xia Ruoming suddenly embraced her, and a faint elegant fragrance entered her nostrils. If it was the past Xu Fengwu, she would have definitely pushed Xia Ruoming away and scolded her, but now she wondered why she never noticed how nice Ruoming smelled before.

“So, let’s say goodbye then, let’s leave each other in our memories. That sweet pea bouquet was the last thing I wanted to tell you, and also, my last words,” Xu Fengwu could clearly feel Xia Ruoming crying as she spoke, her voice becoming hoarse.

“You’ll meet someone much better than me, you must be happy, Xu Fengwu, goodbye.”

After speaking, Xia Ruoming released her arms from around Xu Fengwu and walked towards the end of the road. She also knew that Xu Fengwu would later meet Ye Han, that girl who was better than her past self in every way. She could be more gentle, more considerate, more understanding, with a better family background, so, she hoped Xu Fengwu could find happiness by Ye Han’s side.

At that moment, Xu Fengwu seemed to lose all her strength, standing frozen in place. She wanted to raise her arms to hold onto Xia Ruoming, but her arms felt like they weighed thousands of kilos. She wanted to cry out and ask Xia Ruoming to stay with her, but she couldn’t speak a word.

Even though she still liked her, even though Xia Ruoming was crying just now, even though she still cared, she left so decisively. Why did it turn out like this?

Such a resolute attitude wasn’t like her Xia Ruoming at all.

Xu Fengwu wasn’t a fool, how could she not understand what Xia Ruoming was saying? She still cared about her, and in Xia Ruoming’s memories, she would forever be that girl she loved.

But now, she no longer loved her.

It was precisely because she wasn’t a fool that it hurt so much.

In this world, there was actually someone who could reconcile with their own heart and let go just like that.

She didn’t know why, but her heart felt so painful, even more grieved than when Xia Ruoming told her they weren’t even friends.

The most painful thing in the world isn’t never having possessed something, but losing it after having it.

Xia Ruoming had never truly forgotten her in her heart. When Xia Ruoming said the moonlight was beautiful, Xu Fengwu felt that Xia Ruoming had returned to her side. When Xia Ruoming chose to embrace Xu Fengwu, Xu Fengwu even felt they were just a step away from reconciliation. She had thought they were following a plot like 《The Cross-dressing Heiress and the Fallen Witch》.

But that single step was as far as the horizon.

Something that was already in her grasp gradually dissipated like a dream.

She remembered what Xia Ruoming had said: “This bouquet is the last thing I wanted to tell you.”

And remembered the shop owner’s strange look.

“Could sweet peas have some special meaning? Was she too shy to say it so she hid it in the flowers?” Suddenly thinking of this, Xu Fengwu wiped her tears, gathered her spirits, and opened her cracked phone screen to search for the meaning of sweet peas.

But the results made the tears Xu Fengwu had just wiped away fall again.

“Sweet Pea: Sweet memories, an enlightened heart, beginning a new life.”

At some point, thin clouds had gathered in the sky, and spring rain began to fall softly.

The cold raindrops hit Xu Fengwu’s face, mixing with her tears as they slid down her cheeks.

“So, rainwater is this salty…”