Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Old People, Old Dreams, Old Times

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Xu Fengwu never accepted Xia Ruoming’s kindness, but she never rejected it either.

Neither she nor Xia Ruoming chose to live in the school dormitory. Every morning, she would prepare breakfast for Xu Fengwu, like chicken congee with sago and such. To avoid Xu Fengwu disliking her lunchbox, she specifically prepared everything in disposable containers. She would bring them over every day in an insulated bag.

Xu Fengwu did occasionally eat the breakfast Xia Ruoming prepared when she forgot to eat, but more often than not, she fed it to the cats and dogs around the school. Over time, those cats and dogs grew quite fond of Xu Fengwu, gathering around her whenever she passed by. People around would praise her, saying “Xiao Xu must be very kind-hearted to be so loved by animals.”

Xia Ruoming always knew about this but continued bringing breakfast anyway.

As long as she could help her when she forgot to eat breakfast, that was enough. Back then, just thinking about being able to help Xu Fengwu would make Xia Ruoming smile even in her dreams.

For five years after confessing in middle school, Xia Ruoming would ride her father’s old road bike that had been used for countless years, taking her extremely heavy backpack home first, so she could walk home leisurely by herself.

Actually, Xia Ruoming’s home was very far from hers, even in completely opposite directions. Just to prevent her from feeling any unease or guilt, Xia Ruoming always lied about living very close to Xu Fengwu.

On Xu Fengwu’s birthday, to match her status, she worked part-time jobs during all holidays and weekends, combining that money with her daily allowance to buy her a small Tiffany rose gold necklace from their entry-level luxury collection.

After receiving it, Xu Fengwu showed no sign of excitement, but quietly looked up the price of the necklace that night and transferred the exact amount back to Xia Ruoming.

But Xia Ruoming was still happy.

“If she didn’t care about me at all, why would she transfer the money back? In romance novels, when goddesses receive gifts from their admirers, don’t they usually just resell them right away? Admirers spend money and time without getting anything in return, but she gave me the money back which means she doesn’t want me to have any financial burden because of the gift. She must care about me, yay!”

Yes, she pretended the distance between them didn’t exist, tirelessly deceiving herself. She was quite skilled at self-delusion.

Even the most devoted admirers would have to give her a cigarette and call her “sister,” begging her to stop pursuing.

Xia Ruoming was easily hurt, but she was also incredibly strong before breaking down. Unlike those romance novel protagonists who would just cry, despite being rejected twice, she never did anything like crying under her blanket before pulling herself together. She hadn’t even shed a tear.

She was strong enough to stitch her own deep laceration during camping without making a single sound of pain.

Yet she could also be weak enough to drink continuously for three days after graduation until she passed out.

She was truly devoted and stubborn. If only she could have broken through her own illusions in her previous life, perhaps things wouldn’t have turned out that way.

For five whole years, it seemed the whole world knew how Xia Ruoming would humble herself for Xu Fengwu, as if her heart had no room for anyone else.

The three years of high school passed in a flash, with less than two months left until the college entrance exam.

On the wind-swept rooftop, Xia Ruoming confessed to that girl once again.

Xu Fengwu’s face showed no joy. She just quietly said: “Xia Ruoming, you’re great. But I really don’t like you. I don’t want to date right now, and you constantly clinging to me is really annoying. I don’t like your enthusiasm, don’t like your face, don’t like your height, don’t like you as a person — anything about you, I don’t like. Haven’t you realized that every time I transfer the gift money back to you unchanged, it’s a form of rejection? I just didn’t want to say it too harshly and make you, as a fellow girl, feel too dejected. Moreover, I want to go to Zhejiang University. We’re already not from the same world.”

She left the rooftop immediately after speaking, with no mockery in her tone, but Xia Ruoming felt the cold penetrate to her bones.

It’s common knowledge that there are 10 co-ranked third-tier universities, but regardless, Zhejiang University would definitely be among them. With her grades, she would have absolutely no connection with Zhejiang University!

Xu Fengwu’s meaning was clear: You want to stick to me like glue? Then try getting into Zhejiang University if you can. Can’t do it? Then please stay away from me.

In her previous life, Xia Ruoming really tried hard and never gave up. To continue being with Xu Fengwu, she even had a breakthrough during the college entrance exam, but only barely made it into Sichuan University, choosing a literature major.

Perhaps stories are always so cliche — their lives diverged from that point on. Xia Ruoming had tried to salvage this relationship, occasionally bringing gifts to visit her at her school. But from graduation day onward, their worlds had already shifted apart.

Being single-mindedly devoted to someone isn’t always the right thing to do, especially when they don’t like you at all. Xia Ruoming had wondered if it was because they were both women, but later reality gave her a cruel slap in the face.

Xu Fengwu later married Ye Han from the Ye family. Although both their families strongly opposed it, Xu Fengwu and Ye Han fought for several years, and this marriage was reluctantly agreed upon — at least they were somewhat equally matched in social status, and the Ye family had other heirs, so let the children have their way.

Xu Fengwu wasn’t opposed to women, on the contrary, she liked them very much — she just didn’t like you!

It was probably then that Xia Ruoming realized this dream should end.

That’s when she met the eldest daughter of the Jiang family, Jiang Ruhua. Jiang Ruhua proposed a transactional relationship to her.

As long as Xia Ruoming would be her lover, she was willing to give her everything she wanted: knowledge, money, power, or any priceless thing in this world, as long as she would sign this contract.

Two people — one willing to use any means to obtain what they desire, and one desperate to escape past shadows — reached an agreement.

The rejuvenated Xia Ruoming lived in the villa Jiang Ruhua bought for her, built her own network of connections, accepted Jiang Ruhua’s support, and finally surfaced by stepping on her own soul. With the Jiang family’s backing, she had her own career, wrote novels that were hyped up by capital to become massive hits, and even held her own book signing events.

Being the center of attention, she no longer yearned for the person who had caused her pain before.

Jade arms and golden cups with beauty’s fragrance, silver candles and emerald curtains reflecting the chamber.

Although everything seemed perfect, that feeling of loneliness in a world where only she existed couldn’t be expressed to anyone. The show of affection with Jiang Ruhua was nothing more than a transaction.

Jiang Ruhua actually loved her very much. Because of this love, she would use any means necessary, whether inducement or otherwise, as long as she could first keep her in her grasp — that was Jiang Ruhua’s way of love.

But she didn’t know this, thinking it was just a transaction, trading her body for glory.

Focused entirely on her career, she also overlooked Jiang Ruhua’s feelings, and because of this, Jiang Ruhua made her fall into the abyss once again.

Jiang Ruhua could lift her up, and she could also make her fall.

That was also a kind of revenge — revenge for not understanding her feelings, for treating everything as just a transaction, measuring everything with money.

She had thought Xia Ruoming would come back begging, thereby restoring their relationship, or at least make Xia Ruoming realize that Jiang Ruhua was the most important person to her.

But just like those cliche and bitter love stories, Jiang Ruhua never got to see the day Xia Ruoming came back begging. Xia Ruoming seemed to have vanished, never appearing in her life again.

Until that day when Xia Ruoming, drunk and confused, crossed the street…