Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Loneliness and Vows

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“Tears beneath the rouge-painted face, asking when you’ll return home, my tears, silently, falling down~ The years stripped away with the rouge, stealing away the purity of those days, your heart, still, drifting~”

After finishing the exam, Xia Ruoming felt refreshed from her good rest, without any feeling of fatigue. She hummed a song while riding her road bike home.

Xu Fengwu’s mood was already poor from being rejected by Xia Ruoming, and her terrible state during the afternoon exam made her mood even worse. By the end of the day, she felt nearly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Just as she was about to ask Xia Ruoming to take her bag, she suddenly remembered that familiar silhouette had hurriedly left right after the exam.

The empty seat no longer had Xia Ruoming, no one would wait for her there anymore.

Secretly wiping away a tear that was about to fall, Xu Fengwu picked up her own backpack and left the classroom alone.

For some reason, despite being a cool-natured girl, her silhouette in the sunset appeared so lonely and desolate.

The whole way was filled with memories of her and Xia Ruoming.

“Fengwu, your bag is too heavy, no wonder you sprained your ankle. Let me help carry it back for you.”

“You want to eat that pastry shop’s strawberry cake? Sure, I’ll help you queue up.”

“Alright, I’ll work hard to get into the same high school as you. Wait for me, Fengwu!”

“I helped you get tickets to Jay’s Chengdu concert since you said you wanted to go.”

“Today is your birthday. This Tiffany rose gold necklace is what I saved up to buy. Though it’s not very expensive, I hope you like it.”

“Here are vouchers for that Western buffet, including free champagne vouchers. Fengwu, didn’t you always want to go? They’re yours.”

“This hyacinth is what I grew myself. It might not be as beautiful as the flowers others gave you, hope you don’t mind.”

“Why, did I do something wrong to make you angry?”

“Goodbye, Xu Fengwu. No, let’s never meet again…”

“The north wind has stopped, my story with her has also ended. A white moonlight is ultimately just an unattainable white moonlight…”

The more she recalled the past, the more upset she became. When she couldn’t even bear to look at these memories, how could she so casually let go, so casually push her away?

Xu Fengwu truly felt exhausted all over. The self-inflicted pain unique to youth brought a mental fatigue that was simply unbearable.

No matter how much her heart ached, she could ignore it, but that feeling of having no one to confide in about her grievances and that loneliness of being left all alone, not everyone could endure it.

Xia Ruoming was used to loneliness. Her own matters never needed help from others; when hurt, she would silently lick her wounds in a corner.

But Xu Fengwu was different. From 5 years ago, she had been protected by Xia Ruoming like a little princess. Whatever requests Xu Fengwu had, Xia Ruoming would resolve everything for her. Nothing could cause her to feel even a bit of grievance. That’s right, it wasn’t solving things together, but rather Xia Ruoming quietly resolving things alone before informing her.

If Xia Ruoming were still here, how could she possibly let herself feel so miserable?

Why?

Just because they couldn’t be lovers, did they have to become so distant? They couldn’t even be friends anymore.

You’re too much! Xia Ruoming!

After returning to Jinxiang Garden and entering her home, Xu Fengwu could no longer hold back. Tears fell drop by drop, her vision long since blurred.

…

Meanwhile, Xia Ruoming was at the hospital delivering exam papers to Chu Suhe. The doctor said Chu Suhe could return to class normally tomorrow, as long as she paid attention to her diet and took her medicine on time during this period.

“Here, Class Monitor Chu, I brought your exam papers.” Xia Ruoming put down her backpack and took out several exam papers from inside. However, they weren’t Chu Suhe’s blank exam papers, but Xia Ruoming’s own, with many solution methods that Xia Ruoming had written during the exam.

“Thank you.” Chu Suhe’s voice was still very soft, though she seemed no longer as shy as when she first met Xia Ruoming.

“Ruo… Ruo… Classmate Ruoming… um…”

Calling her directly by name without surname still embarrassed her. In Chu Suhe’s world, only very intimate people would call each other by first names, and her relationship with Xia Ruoming couldn’t be considered that close, they weren’t even really friends yet.

“What is it, Class Monitor Chu?” Xia Ruoming was already packing up, preparing to leave. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to keep Chu Suhe company, she had other things to do later.

“This exam paper doesn’t seem to be mine. Did Classmate Ruoming take the wrong one?” Chu Suhe continued timidly. She was worried Xia Ruoming had given her own exam paper to her, which wouldn’t be good to discover after returning.

“Oh, that? I accidentally lost Class Monitor Chu’s exam paper, and I also wanted to ask Class Monitor for a favor – help me check if there are any problems with my exam answers. This way, Class Monitor will owe me 200 yuan less. How about it?” Actually, that exam paper was still in Xia Ruoming’s bag. Giving her own exam paper was intentional. Anyway, they would go over the answers tomorrow when scores came out. If she gave Chu Suhe a blank exam paper, she might force herself to take a personal exam overnight. Better to just give her own paper for her to study, and it also provided a reason to let her owe less money.

“The money… isn’t necessary. I’ll help you, Classmate Ruoming.”

“Hey, if you don’t accept the deal, wouldn’t I have to compensate you for the exam paper? What should we do?” Xia Ruoming deliberately put on a very troubled expression. “The value of the deal is limited, but your own exam paper is priceless to you.”

“Then… alright…” Hearing Xia Ruoming’s words, Chu Suhe indeed directly agreed to the previous conditions.

Once people have choices, they won’t be as decisive as before, this was also a principle Xia Ruoming learned in her previous life.

For Chu Suhe, if there were two choices, she would always choose the lesser benefit, but if there was only one beneficial choice, she would directly refuse.

“Alright then, I’m leaving, Class Monitor Chu. Remember to tell me the results tomorrow.”

Watching Xia Ruoming’s departing figure, Chu Suhe immediately covered her slightly heated cheeks with her hands.

When Xia Ruoming first brought her to the hospital, she had already begun to feel some stirrings of affection. That’s why she felt especially shy when calling Xia Ruoming by name. But she quickly suppressed those feelings, because she knew Xia Ruoming liked Xu Fengwu. If compared to Xu Fengwu, she believed she was only like candlelight in Xia Ruoming’s life, while Xu Fengwu perhaps illuminated Xia Ruoming’s entire sky.

Although she didn’t know why Xia Ruoming was so kind to her, she vowed that as long as Xia Ruoming didn’t mind her, she would be Xia Ruoming’s very best friend for life.