Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 130

Chapter 130: A Spilled Water Can Be Collected, A Broken Mirror Can Be Mended?

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“Didn’t you lose it already? Why are you wearing it again?” Xia Ruoming turned her gaze away and asked.

She dared not continue looking at that hairpin, because it represented her painful youth, something she hadn’t been able to completely let go of even after many years.

If you were to ask Xia Ruoming when exactly she started to feel that perhaps Xu Fengwu truly had no feelings for her, she would most likely answer that it was the day she learned Xu Fengwu had lost that hairpin.

One year, they went on a picnic together in January and admired the plum blossoms. Xu Fengwu once pointed at a plum blossom, saying it was the most beautiful one in the entire garden. When Xia Ruoming returned home, she immediately drew that plum blossom exactly as she remembered it, and had a pure silver plum blossom hairpin custom-made for Xu Fengwu as her birthday gift, with Xu Fengwu’s birthday and name engraved on it.

But not long after, Xu Fengwu said she had lost the hairpin, and Xia Ruoming never saw her wear it again — in fact, at that moment, she already had her answer. Xia Ruoming knew Xu Fengwu’s personality too well, so the hairpin was probably thrown away as trash… Xu Fengwu never cared about it at all, perhaps having forgotten when she casually tossed it, and when she wanted to find it later, she didn’t know where it was.

Xia Ruoming thought she had become strong enough, that after everything that happened with Jiang Ruhua, nothing could touch her frozen heart anymore. But she was wrong. When she saw that plum blossom hairpin, tears gathered in her eyes again.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t mature enough, it was just that this body wasn’t mature enough yet — that was how Xia Ruoming could only comfort herself.

Xu Fengwu bit her lip, looking at Xia Ruoming’s somewhat cold expression, her heart also filled with unease. Originally, she thought wearing this hairpin would touch Xia Ruoming’s sensitive heart, but it seemed that wasn’t the case. Although Xia Ruoming’s expression showed some wavering, it wasn’t what she had expected.

“Fengwu, some things, once they happen, they’ve happened, and once they’re past, they’re past. Spilled water is hard to collect, a broken mirror is hard to mend. Even if you glue a broken mirror back together, the cracks will never disappear, and I will never be able to see my complete self in that mirror.” Xia Ruoming took a deep breath, suppressing that inexplicable sadness, then slowly said.

“No!” Xu Fengwu’s tears burst forth, “Even if the mirror is broken, we can get a new mirror and start over. Even if all the water has been spilled, we can fill a new basin with water. Ruoming, I don’t want to let things just pass like this.”

After crying for a while, Xu Fengwu continued: “Actually, you already knew I threw away the hairpin, didn’t you, Ruoming?”

“Mm… I’ve known for a long time.” Xia Ruoming showed a bitter smile and said softly. Although she had always known, hearing Xu Fengwu say it herself was still heartbreaking. Her originally rosy face had somehow turned pale. Her tone also carried additional traces of sadness.

“Ruoming, I don’t want you to forgive the past me. It’s just that this hairpin was thrown away by me back then, originally it had no more connection with me, but I spent a long time finding it back. Like this hairpin, I also want to find back the you that I lost in the past,” Xu Fengwu hugged Xia Ruoming, sobbing as she spoke, “No matter how long it takes, no matter what I need to do. I don’t expect you to accept my pursuit, but I just hope you won’t drive me away.”

The Star tarot card hanging on Xu Fengwu’s backpack lit up with a dim light, just like Xia Ruoming’s heart.

“Is it destiny?” Xia Ruoming sighed lightly, mumbling to herself. She clearly felt it, as if some force in the universe was preventing her from speaking words of rejection.

Seeing that more and more onlookers were gathering, Xia Ruoming could only helplessly pull up Xu Fengwu and Chu Suhe.

“Stop crying first, let’s go eat.” After taking out two tissues from her bag to wipe Xu Fengwu’s tears, Xia Ruoming said calmly, but that bitter smile just wouldn’t disappear from her face.

……

……

After reaching the cafeteria, Xu Fengwu’s emotions had also calmed down somewhat, though she seemed troubled by her previous loss of composure.

Xu Fengwu now basically went from sadness to breakdown in one go, the whole process had become smooth as flowing water. She had cried more times in these few months than in over ten years combined, completely losing the proud swan-like dignity she had in the past.

Those eyes that were once full of pride had now been occupied by melancholy and sadness.

“Classmate Xu, you like this dish, right? Have some more.” Chu Suhe, looking at the somewhat sad Xu Fengwu, moved some food from her own plate to Xu Fengwu, trying to comfort her.

“Suhe, just eat it yourself… your health is already like this, don’t give your food to me…” Xu Fengwu said in a somewhat hoarse voice. Looking at this somewhat thin girl who was always trying to comfort her in her clumsy way, Xu Fengwu actually felt particularly heartbroken. Even though she was her love rival, Xu Fengwu just couldn’t help but care for her.

Perhaps Chu Suhe was just naturally easy to care about.

Looking at Xia Ruoming who was using clumsy excuses to convince Chu Suhe to eat more, Xu Fengwu couldn’t help but smile from her heart, at least she had found something she was better at than Xia Ruoming.

At first, Chu Suhe was always unwilling to accept Xu Fengwu’s kindness, so Xu Fengwu used some special little tricks, like pretending to accidentally spill Chu Suhe’s cheap soy milk, then treating her to breakfast as compensation… occasionally asking Chu Suhe for help with very simple tasks, then treating her to several meals in return.

“Hmm? Why does Classmate Xu keep looking at me and smiling instead of eating?” Chu Suhe noticed the gaze from Xu Fengwu and asked, tilting her head.

Xu Fengwu only then realized her smile might have been too obvious and reined in her expression.

“I was looking at how beautiful you are, Classmate Suhe, and got lost in the sight.”

“Um… ahem…” Xia Ruoming showed an extremely strange expression, looking at Xu Fengwu as if she had seen a ghost.

Wasn’t this what she used to say when flirting with Chu Suhe before? What was Xu Fengwu saying? Appearing to pursue her on the surface while actually pursuing Chu Suhe? So the King and Queen cards weren’t the joker, but trump cards kept to beat the 2.

Although Xu Fengwu and Chu Suhe were just purely friends and really had no other thoughts, there was no guarantee that Xia Ruoming wouldn’t think in strange directions, even she would have such thoughts.

Because Chu Suhe always helped Xu Fengwu solve her small troubles, and Xu Fengwu had also learned from the lesson of Xia Ruoming leaving years ago, she was always willing to be good to this girl whom she originally felt pity for, and Chu Suhe wasn’t a fool either. She could certainly feel Xu Fengwu’s almost omnipresent care, so she also gradually opened her heart to Xu Fengwu.

But it was exactly this perfectly harmonious crystal palace atmosphere that gave Xia Ruoming a strange sense of crisis, just like Jiang Ruhua.