Push Me Away When I Come, Don't Hold Me Back When I Leave - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: If I Were Blessed With Youth Once More

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“Senior Xia, I like you…”

At this moment, Xia Ruoming, who was in a daze, heard some intermittent sounds in her ear, unable to hear clearly.

It seemed like a young girl was confessing to her.

Shouldn’t she be dead? Why could she still hear such sounds? Perhaps it was just some life flashing before her eyes before her soul departed.

“Senior Xia, I like you!” That voice came from beside her ear again, much clearer than before. Xia Ruoming was startled and opened her eyes, only to find a girl in school uniform holding a bouquet of lilies, standing in front of her.

She was standing at the classroom doorway, seemingly about to leave. The girl in front of her suddenly rushed over, raised the flowers, and confessed to her.

“Say yes! Say yes!” All around were voices of encouragement, creating chaos.

Cold sweat ran down Xia Ruoming’s back as memories kept flooding into her mind until they fixed on a certain day in high school.

She suddenly realized that the girl in front of her was named Bai Qianyu.

“End of April 2014? When I was still in 12th grade? Have I time-traveled?”

Xia Ruoming looked up at the classroom seats, and sure enough, two girls were whispering in the third row. This scene, she could never forget in her lifetime.

Xu Fengwu and Li Jing, the person she had a crush on and her best friend.

Nesting phoenix in parasol tree, “The phoenix sings on yonder high hill; The parasol tree grows in the morning sun.” What a beautiful name, but unfortunately, Xia Ruoming was destined not to be her phoenix, just a bird tending to the branches and leaves of the parasol tree, indulging in unrequited love.

Yes, Xia Ruoming was gay.

Just yesterday, it was her third confession to Xu Fengwu, and unsurprisingly, she was rejected again. In fact, in her previous life, Xia Ruoming still hadn’t given up, but in this life, this would be the last time.

The first time was merely feeling frustrated, the second time was just unwillingness to accept defeat, now, it was time for three strikes and you’re out.

For some reason, Xia Ruoming was born liking women, and was also born being pursued by other women. Moreover, she seemed to not emit any pheromones that attracted men. Even though she was very beautiful and had been pursued by some junior male students, it seemed that more males still saw her as one of the guys rather than having romantic feelings between the opposite sexes.

Despite being a sporty beautiful girl, in her previous life, she was very introverted, sensitive, and easily hurt. Like a little cat that would only silently lick its wounds, never needing help from others. Xia Ruoming’s father was just an ordinary third-rate lawyer.

In the future 2023, there was a saying that third-rate lawyers chase clients, second-rate lawyers are sought by clients, but back then lawyer business was already difficult.

But her dad was already a third-rate lawyer who had to chase after clients in 2014.

She wasn’t like Xu Fengwu, who came from a wealthy family, was talented in singing and dancing, and was sophisticated. The whole world would revolve around Xu Fengwu.

The world treated her gently, and she took it for granted.

But Xia Ruoming still confessed to her when she fell in love at first sight, perhaps due to youthful foolishness, or simply because of “like.”

Because of liking her, she gave up many things.

She pursued Xu Fengwu for exactly 5 years, just like those submissive male pursuers in those underdog novels.

In middle school, her first confession was rejected by Xu Fengwu. That was Xia Ruoming’s first confession in her life, and her words were stumbling. Even though she had practiced many times in front of the mirror, she still couldn’t say it well. Under that ancient ginkgo tree in the school courtyard, Xia Ruoming expressed her feelings to Xu Fengwu. When the ginkgo leaves fell on her head, Xia Ruoming really thought she was so beautiful. For a moment, Xia Ruoming really wanted to gently take away that leaf and then take the opportunity to embrace her.

If only Xu Fengwu hadn’t rejected her then.

Xu Fengwu just looked at her confessing with smiling eyes, saying that her family’s goal for her was to enter a certain key high school in Chengdu, and she couldn’t delay her studies because of love. If there was anything to say, let’s wait until high school.

Actually, this statement was already a gentle rejection. Everyone knew that she, who excelled in sports but not in academics, could barely get into a high school, but wanting to enter the same high school as Xu Fengwu was nothing short of a fantasy, a daydream.

Xia Ruoming had outstanding basketball talent, and had even been praised multiple times by coaches that if properly trained, she might have a chance to go professional in the future. Plus, she really liked basketball herself, so her family was quite supportive, thinking it was okay if she wasn’t good at studying, as long as she could make a living in the future and not rely on a man to support her.

But for Xu Fengwu, Xia Ruoming directly gave up her basketball dream, not touching a basketball once in two years. Her parents thought their study-averse daughter had changed her ways and got her lots of supplements.

Gritting her teeth while drinking coffee, Xia Ruoming barely made it into the key high school that Xu Fengwu wanted to attend, with just a two-point margin. At the graduation ceremony, when all the teachers were praising Xia Ruoming’s progress endlessly, only she knew that during these two years, her eyes were bloodshot every day, and countless fingernail marks were imprinted on her thighs during these two years.

She would get drowsy whenever she studied, but for Xu Fengwu, she forcefully used pain to alleviate this drowsiness.

In that sweet-osmanthus-scented dusk, Xia Ruoming confessed to her again on the playground of the key high school that Xu Fengwu wanted to attend. She naively thought that her efforts would be enough to move Xu Fengwu.

This time her confession was still stumbling. Even though two years had passed, she was still like a naive young girl.

But this time she only got rejection again. If Xu Fengwu’s tone last time was like March peach blossoms with a jade face, this time Xu Fengwu’s rejecting tone was like autumn frost full of deadness.

“Is it because I’m also a woman?” Xia Ruoming smiled bitterly. If two years ago, when they were still in middle school, Xu Fengwu had rejected her with this reason, she definitely wouldn’t have given up her basketball dream, but would have chosen to part ways with Xu Fengwu. She wasn’t stupid, she wouldn’t give everything for something impossible.

But Xu Fengwu didn’t reject Xia Ruoming like this.

Xu Fengwu said that she didn’t mind her being a girl, but she had decided to focus on academics during high school, so romance was out of the question. That was something for after university.

Actually, everything Xu Fengwu said was never wrong. High school was indeed supposed to prioritize academics above all else, that was the correct choice for wise people. Xia Ruoming never blamed Xu Fengwu; everything was her one-sided love. Xu Fengwu never asked her to give up anything.

The only blame was that she took that gentle rejection seriously. The only blame was that in that midsummer, after basketball practice, she took one more glance at Xu Fengwu passing by. The only blame was her unrequited feelings.

The so-called not wanting to date wasn’t about not wanting to date at this time, but not wanting to date you, whether it’s men or women, it’s the same.

But because of liking her, Xia Ruoming could pretend not to know, could think that everything was just overthinking.

In high school, Xia Ruoming was even better to Xu Fengwu. She liked reading sweet romance novels and thought this kind of gentleness could move the other person. If it weren’t for knowing that Xia Ruoming liked girls, everyone would think she was the world’s best friend who was wholeheartedly devoted to Xu Fengwu.