Pretending to Be an Alpha in an All-Alpha Boy Band - Chapter 33
chapter 33 Pure forum-style (first update + second update + extra 50k nutrient solution update)
Title: [Support ymc to die — click ○.]
1L: Can ymc stop leeching off my Yuanbao? If he fails just go die, seriously, all he does is cling—can’t you live without my Yuanbao? What a sellout trying to give himself away. Only our Yuan is kind enough not to make a fuss; the company’s stupid vampiric, only knows how to suck Yuan’s blood.
——○○○○○○○○○○○○
——……
———I scrolled in and the ○ was getting roasted to bits, what happened?
——Wait, isn’t ○’s forum supposed to ban dream A? OP’s post has a complicated makeup.
——You idiot, get lost. Open the single-member super-topic and you get created? Teach me how to ban dreams A away.
——Blocked that dumbass. Can’t read the rules, huh? I’ve said a thousand times: no dream A face posts.
——ok, OP has been banned. Now everyone can speak freely.
——AHHHHH did you guys see this livestream!! I watched the whole thing, it was insane, I can’t sleep tonight! It was so ship-worthy, clips, edits, fanfic—everything blew up! Fandom heavyweight artist even sketched the livestream’s iconic scenes; only been a short while and it’s already made into art. Oh my god, shipping high is the best motivator! [livestream incident fanfic jpg.]
——Holy shit I’m calling out this white-shirted Little Yuan first!
——My god this draft looks like it came from impart, it totally recreated the pre-door scene! Since he’d just showered, the floor was all messy water stains—obviously Little Yuan’s, and the bed creases, the damp on the sofa, the belt tossed by the restroom door, oh my god I’m dead!! [rage]
——Huh? But didn’t they later explain the livestream as an accident?
——Yup yup, an accident, how convenient.
——It was just an accidental undressing, just an accidental hug and rubbing, oh sorry Little Yuan couldn’t control himself and slid in—understandable, just walked out of the shower so the floor was slippery, oops couldn’t help colliding and getting stuck.
——And then the whole procedure ran its course and Little Yuan got totally exposed: sorry Little Yuan couldn’t hold it and stayed inside, but you get it, right? You’re that delicious, can’t blame him for not resisting.
——…I’m dying laughing, sweetpeas. [thumbs up]
——Can’t blame us for not believing them, their reasons are just unconvincing—didn’t even bother to pretend.
——Yeah, Pei Yanbing said he was holding Yuan Shiyuan’s clothes just to “put them in the washer”; Jiang Heng said the room was too hot so he planned to change into a short-sleeve to cool off; Bo Jin said he’d just finished showering so he was damp and was going to grab a towel to dry off (okay I buy that one, it wasn’t Little Yuan’s water—Bo Jin did look pretty wet).
——But here’s the kicker: Ying Mingxi—do you know what he said? He lowered his head to unbuckle his belt because the sleep pants he bought on the ship were a bit big, so he used a belt to keep them up. He’d just realized it was too tight and only planned to loosen it a bit; he seriously emphasized he didn’t intend to unbuckle and certainly not take his pants off. [covering face]
——Huh? They’re naming names now?
——Who cares, name away. This thread won’t last long anyway, might as well enjoy it while it’s here.
——Where did they get so many clothes though?
——Looks like they actually did have extras. Now that they’re earning money—Little Yuan sold himself off as a little manservant and made thirty thousand star coins. People figured the captain made the cash and they spent freely; he secretly bought sleepwear that time, or else he’d have had to sleep in a bathrobe.
——If they knew that money came from Little Yuan getting his tail and ears touched to earn those nautical bucks, would they still spend like that? [angry]
——If they knew, they’d probably spend big on Little Yuan, make him sweat buckets. [silly smile]
——Do you guys actually believe that explanation? I don’t. Jiang Heng said he was hot so he took off his top to change into a short sleeve—what was he doing to be that hot?
——Ying Mingche even said “it was his turn” meaning it was his turn to shower, you buy that?
——I sure don’t. These people have gone too far, do they think we’re fools? At least make up something credible.
——Only idiots would believe that.
——Do you need to turn off the cameras to shower? Little Yuan was already in that boyfriend-style white shirt, his pants were off, his face was flushed and his collarbone was all red—clearly mouths were at work. You’re telling me that was showering?!!
——With that atmosphere and that development, and they expect me not to call for an impart to eat Little Yuan? [eye roll] [silly smile] [pants on fire]
——But Corn Sausage really did seem clueless, looked baffled—his head was probably full of how to get Little Yuan, he didn’t notice what was going on…
——Corn Sausage, I can’t hold it in.
——Heh heh, too lazy to type his name. [hmph]
——Honestly, I feel like Ying Mingche just acted on impulse from lust. At the end he was still explaining that he wasn’t wrong—didn’t they agree to take turns? They’ve all finished, now it’s his turn.
——He even seemed afraid you’d change your mind, grabbing Yuan’s hand and saying, “You won’t not give me, will you? That’s not fair, you’ve already given to them.”
——What a whining tone, drag him down.
——How dare he be so presumptuous toward our Circle Emperor! Send him to the cold palace, strip him of bedchamber privileges forever! [angry]
——Little Yuan, did you really give yourself to them? [big cry]
——Little Yuan, in that one hour I wasn’t there, did you really give yourself to all of them (except ymc)?
——Holy crap I’m about to swear an oath, he really got eaten by everyone except Corn Sausage?
——Who believes nothing happened in that hour…
——It happened, everything that should and shouldn’t happen happened, just short of giving birth—Little Yuan got cooked up.
——I also think something definitely happened. I replayed the livestream recording. I must be sick—I couldn’t even see the other miners anymore, Yuan’s legs are so white and long, his waist so thin…
——Reminder: you’ve watched that video a dozen times already.
——When I was watching the live, my first reaction wasn’t that it was a horny scene, it was that I kept staring at Little Yuan’s waist… ymc just hugged him from behind, hands on his waist, like picking up a little kitten.
——So jealous of ymc…
——What right does he have to eat so well?! [gritted teeth]
——Suddenly I get why OP lost it and posted such a vicious title. ymc was glued to Yuan from the start, no acting—constantly pawing at him, feels like the type to privately show off his manhood to Yuan.
——I feel so bad for Little Yuan—there are five S-ranks in that group. God, and he’s all red—either sucked with mouths or rubbed with citrus petals.
——I think it’s citrus-rubbed, because the color is very light. If it were mouth-sucked, the color would be much darker.
——+1. Little Yuan’s collarbone, arms, and the area under his shirt at his legs are all red—oh my. Hard to imagine the scene: five S-ranks surrounding Little Yuan…
——Oh my…not even leaving his collarbone alone, you beasts! [pants] [-1]
——Five Alphas all peeling citrus petals at Little Yuan? Oh my—this is something. [covering eyes]
——Everyone, this is the comments section, not a no-man’s-land. [cover face]
——Tonight’s big multi-person live feed really filled me up. I didn’t see the whole thing, but at least I caught the aftermath and left satisfied. [burying head to eat]
——I’m really curious how they’ll handle this. Their popularity is through the roof now—feels like they’ve never been this hot since forming. Every platform is sharing fan edits, it’s even reached foreign sites, the whole world knows Scepter openly held an impart.
——They jumped into the Yellow River themselves; this time there’s no washing it clean.
——Uh. They wouldn’t play this big, would they… They’re still recording the show—though they pulled the livestream equipment plug, they wouldn’t really plug… in, right…
——Mm, I think it’s probably just on the edge. Otherwise with so many people, it’d really be chaotic.
——Huh? It really wasn’t a shower? I actually believed their story—was I too naive. [cry]
——Do you believe they were showering, or believe I’m Little Yuan’s husband?
——Forcing me to believe they were showering, huh? Because I’m Little Yuan’s husband.
——I’ve watched the fan edits—oh my god, why do I feel inexplicably excited?! Next I’m rushing to all the CP sites to gorge on shipper content!
——So brilliant, so brilliant—every time there are new moments to ship! Especially Little Yuan’s dazed expression, it melted me; I want to gobble him up. [hmph]
——Did anyone notice? The moment the door opened, Little Yuan suddenly got nervous, pressed his legs together and looked at the camera. That was a totally instinctive move! Say he wasn’t being used by others—I don’t buy it!
——Why is the little boy pressing his legs together—bad Yuan, bring him here so I can punish him. [lecherous]
——The other members’ expressions were hilarious and intriguing too; I want to analyze each frame of their reactions.
——As a Yuan solo stan, after watching these vids my whole vibe transformed into a werewolf—I can’t ship harder!! [drooling]
——I really can’t handle the size difference. Yuan alone isn’t that tiny, but compared to these miners he looks like a little figurine—one hand could pick him up and hold him.
——Yuan, are you really safe within the team?
——Without Mom knowing, have you already suffered a lot? [big cry]
——Forced into promotions during the day by XSR, then fed bitter A’s orange petals at night. Little Yuan, Little Yuan… sorry, Mom’s tears are coming from her mouth. Let Mom see where you’re hurt… I swear I won’t just look. [lecherous][evil grin]
——I don’t know about before, but at least tonight definitely won’t be safe.
——Feels like these dog Alphas will find chances to continue what they started—Little Yuan is really in for it now. [hehe]
——all○ really smells so good, investing pays off, honestly.
——Mmhm, okay, I’ll listen—I’ll start light and shallow. [simple grin]
——Then I’ll go in deep gently, Little Yuan, you won’t blame me, right? [simple grin]
——Stop talking big, feed us the content!
——Can any husbands spoil me and push some all○? I want Huang’s!
——OK link sent privately, he—’e’ is silent. [simple grin]
——Husband I love you, so spoiled. [yellow heart]
——Also asking for the link. [yellow heart][yellow heart]
——Holy crap I finished it—who wrote this big piece? Damn, don’t be anonymous! It’s written so deliciously!
——What do you mean rubbing it with the bridge of the nose when prying it open, I… sorry baby…
——I’m really a mommy fan, but this is too tasty—reading it makes me suspect you actually have another one.
——I love this little succubus fic the most! [screenshot]
User: Anonymous
*ooc warning, all○, xp content; if you don’t like it, don’t attack.
Summary:
[Yuan Shiyuan is the last little succubus in the world. He wandered through bustling cities trying to fit into human life, but he was never satisfied and never knew what it felt like to be full.
One day he found a button that could pause time. Starved for so long, he couldn’t resist doing something big.
On a bus, Yuan Shiyuan pressed the button and froze time. Coincidentally, the entire popular idol boy group Scepter, required by their company to be on this bus, happened to be on board.
The little succubus, feeding for the first time, picked one member. Taking advantage of the moment, he secretly sat on him and ate a big orange segment. Because it was the Alpha’s first time being fed an orange segment this way, the Alpha was instantly undone.
That was nowhere near enough for the little succubus, who had been hungry for years, so he moved on to the next member of Scepter…
Yuan Shiyuan truly had paused time—only he could move. What he didn’t know was that, in fact, all the Scepter members were conscious.
But they couldn’t stop him, couldn’t move on their own, and couldn’t make a sound. They could only stare at the little succubus’s wet, flushed face and helplessly watch him go after their teammates…
The little succubus had been starving too long; he was greedy and ate many large orange segments in a row until he was full. The excessive S-rank pheromones made him pass out on the floor, pupils unfocused and rolling slightly upward.
He hadn’t expected time to resume while he was on the ground gasping.
The Alphas of Scepter slowly rose and closed in, surrounding the completely unaware little succubus…]
——I’m going straight to binge-eat this!!
——Hehe, little succubus… it’s little succubus○, woohoo!
——Sorry, Little Yuan, did bad things to you again. I really have nothing left. [big cry]
——Hehehe, since that’s the case, I’ll share one I like too! I like this one! [screenshot]
User: Anonymous
*all○, lots of headcanon.
Summary:
[Yuan Shiyuan is the aloof beauty of the noble academy; no one knows he has another identity—an underground little idol.
By day he attends classes at school and is a cold, top student; by night he dances as an idol on stage.
At the noble academy, everyone treats him as the dream crush—the most restless boy in adolescence, on everyone’s mind day and night. One day they discover that the high-and-mighty scholar actually puts on little skirts at night…
On stage, Yuan Shiyuan’s glittering presence is beautiful. Like a princess.
After the show, they viciously corner him in the makeup room, pressing in: “Yuanyuan, you wouldn’t want other classmates to find out, would you…” ]
——I—I—I! I’ll share this one! [screenshot: Little Yuan being groped on the subway…]
——[share link: cold-faced CEO’s secret found by subordinate…]
——…
——I really can’t stand it, damn, it’s too glorious!
——Oh my god I’m actually insanely aroused! Bingeing on content makes me so happy! [devouring]
——Actually I suspected this might be staged, but now I can only say: even if it’s staged, I accept it… Whether it’s Starry Night Entertainment or the Struggling to Survive production team, you win—I openly admit I’m utterly obsessed! Your level is too high, I admit defeat and surrender; I deserve to ship all Yuan!
——I’m really done for… hooked on Little Yuan, my life is over!
——In fanfics they go at it hard, but it just occurred to me—aren’t they kind of weak in real life too?
——So excluding ymc, everyone goes on the table, right? That’s four people in an hour, so fifteen minutes per person. Pfft, that’s it? And they call themselves S-rank. [disgusted][smirk][eye roll]
——Maybe it’s two people at once? [goofy smile]
——Yeah, that is kind of too fast. Not like me—just using my hand I can last an hour.
——Being unable to finish is a disease, thanks. You can go to the hospital and register.
——dream A, get out, okay? Get back to your own board, we don’t welcome you here.
——? I don’t get it. We all like Little Yuan—can’t we coexist peacefully? Why are we banned from this board?
——Little Yuan is being pushed by the company into selling fluff, doing business with other teammates. Shouldn’t we all boycott that? Yet you obsess over him here and then turn around and insult us who like Little Yuan the same way. If you ask me, you’re the ones who should be expelled from fanhood!
——sb.
——Already voted to be banned, just wait to get scolded. Idiot.
——You dreaming daily that Little Yuan is your husband—daydreaming about being his wife, how interesting is that? [screenshot]
User: Little Yuan’s #1 True Love Husband
Post: These are the first couple rings Little Yuan picked out for me. Actually I wanted something more expensive, but Little Yuan was lying in my arms, lifted his head, smiling as he touched my face, saying my work is already so hard, he felt sorry for me, that cheap ones are fine, we can always change them later. Little Yuan really loves me. We’ll be happy together.
——Oh my god this is so cheesy.
——Oh please, you Photoshopped Pei Yanbing’s hand onto your own to pretend you’re with Little Yuan?
——Photoshop is obvious at a glance, and hurry up and leave.
——Uh, is this the ring you meant? I’m going to rush to buy it later. [cover face][cart pre-order screenshot]
——My god pre-sale hasn’t even started and you’re already acting like you got it. Is Pei Yanbing’s skin suit comfortable? [cover face]
——If you really love Little Yuan, in half an hour when pre-sale starts you’ll buy a bunch to boost the numbers, okay? Scepter and Necro have magazine releases the same day, Necro is kind of Little Yuan’s rival; if you don’t support Little Yuan now, I’ll really look down on you.
——Of course I’ll buy them, okay? I’ll also rally other husband fans to buy. See, we’re actually one family.
——Can’t husband fans and wife fans coexist peacefully? We all love Little Yuan, the forum shouldn’t ban us.
——Who wants to coexist with you? You crazy dogs sully Little Yuan’s reputation every time—don’t you know that? Liking Little Yuan to the point of madness, who would want that kind of love?
——Please, I beg you, really don’t do bad things to my wife, I’m genuinely scared of you.
——I don’t like hearing that—does a husband fan’s love for Little Yuan really rank lower? I’d say you don’t truly love Little Yuan.
——All you do is ship Little Yuan with other As—have you considered Little Yuan’s feelings? Have you considered whether he can handle it? You don’t truly love him; if you did you’d think about his body.
——Even one would be too much, but you ship five. Little Yuan’s stomach is so small—if he were to be used like that his belly would burst! Especially Bo Jin, he’s mixed race, mixed are always big—are you really going to ruin Little Yuan?
——You don’t feel any pity for Yuan.
——A mace is better than a little pudding. [cover face]
——Can a tiny bit really satisfy my ○? My ○ is S-rank too; an average A simply can’t satisfy him, okay.
——Indeed, this brother is right, I have to give a like. I really don’t get why you ship Little Yuan with Bo Jin. Bo Jin has foreign blood, he’s a foreigner—shipping them is treason! He’s a walking half-million!! A shameful traitor, an insider!!! Don’t do things that make us look down on you, and don’t betray the motherland!
——Holy crap, Dream A is actually furious!
——What are you even angry about—because Brother Huo is bigger? [laugh-cry]
——My god I can’t even, how can there be people who get so triggered by Brother Huo being mixed-race and big that they forbid us from shipping Huo and Yuan? [cover face]
——ls speaks the truth, they’re quiet now, lol. Watch out or he’ll come through the internet to hit you.
——Better him coming through the internet than coming through the internet to mess with Yuan—let him hit me then. [cover face]
——One last time: Yuan is only doing business as the company asks, every artist does this. I understand him—promotion is part of his job—but please distinguish reality: they have no real relationship, they’re just colleagues. Please don’t defile Yuan with your filthy erotic fantasies.
——Hide the shipping posts you’ve favorited on your profile before you say that.
——Except ysy, all the other A’s in Scepter are shameless leechers!! Tramps!!
——Another one gone mad.
——Dream A going crazy because they can’t get him—understandable.
——First, I swear I’m not Yuan’s Dream A, I’m just an ordinary true-love fan. But I really can’t stand other Dream A’s clingy behavior. Isn’t shipping banned in the super topic? If Dream A want to fantasize, go to your own section—why are so many illiterate As trying to get clingy here? Again, I swear I’m not a dream boyfriend.
——You think saying that will make everyone look at you more?
——You think if you act all considerate and unique, Yuan will DM you? Get lost.
——A spendthrift dog whose thoughts can’t hide.
——You really treat him like your husband and boss around husband fans? Bark again and we’ll fire you, scram.
——You people are really savage and uncultured. I’m just speaking fairly and honestly, okay? I mean nothing else, I’m just worried about Yuan. And yet you attack me—just because I care about Yuan?
——Holy crap Dream A internal brawl going on. [spectator]
——Don’t fight, don’t fight, this won’t kill anyone.
——Right, husband fans and wife fans, let’s all coexist peacefully—Yuan wouldn’t want to see us like this. Here’s a photo of me and my Yuan. [fan-drawn photo request]
——Holy crap Beauty and the Beast, I’m actually angry.
——Please, Dream A, stop causing trouble… fooling the bros is one thing but don’t fool yourselves.
——Speechless, really need to wash my eyes. Where’s the Yuan solo-stand? Usually so fierce in battle, where are you now? Can we neuter all these Dream A knives?
——My god I checked his profile, he favorited Dream A’s fandom-shaking masterpiece “Splash Water Face Wash.”
——I need to wash my eyes too, ugh how tacky.
——Their profile posts all insult those S-ranks, but who doesn’t want to become them… hehe I want to transmigrate into them.
——Exactly. Yuan’s body is so much smaller than theirs, you could scoop him up in one move. My poor wife, she can’t even stand flat, has to be carried to the restroom. [sob sob]
——Huh? Dream A stopped talking. o,o?
——They went back to base. The magazine pre-sale is about to start, they’re rallying husband fans to mobilize.
——Post a sneak-peek screenshot. [screenshot]
User: Grow Old with Yuanbao
Post: Less than twenty minutes until the magazine goes on sale—are you all ready?
1L: If you love Yuan, you have to spend money on him—every penny is his backing! If you want to see him get more resources, you must spend on him! As for those teammates, I won’t even comment—we have to rely on us husband fans! Everyone, pull yourselves together, start crowdfunding! We must push his sales!! Beat Necro’s boy group, let the capital see Yuan’s value!!
2L: I’m bumping this with anger! I hired ten proxy buyers and got the company’s staff all in position—just waiting to snatch this batch. If stupid Necro dares bully my wife, I won’t settle until the sales beat theirs; otherwise I don’t deserve to call myself Little Yuan’s husband.
——Hey wait? How did I notice you followed a super topic with a lot of Yuan photos. Is this a new anti-Yuan super topic?
——Hm?? Why’d you stop talking.
——Could it be you went to snatch the magazine? I’m planning to grab one too—the sale’s starting soon.
——WTF is this an anti-Yuan forum? I’m not saying this anti-Yuan forum, what’s with the closeted vibe? What are they posting every day?
[Screenshot 1] Title: How do A-legs get so long and so white? Like a princess.
Reply: Yeah, not an ounce of A-energy. Anyone have the original? This pic’s been compressed, it’s low quality.
[Screenshot 2] Title: Damn, he’s actually wearing a boyfriend-style white shirt? Isn’t he seducing me. [sweat][hot]
[Screenshot 3] Title: He wore a maid outfit; next time can he wear a sailor suit? I want to see that.
——?
——What exactly is Lun Tao made of? I’m convinced—why is everyone fantasizing about Yuan (literal: ○) here. This feels scarier than the Dream A section.
——I checked their homepage—so many gorgeous Yuan photos, a lot I don’t even have… I don’t know where they got them.
——Holy shit, the official site shows the countdown!! Everyone hurry! The first ten thousand get exclusive merch, I must get one!!
——Holy crap I’m so nervous!!
Ten minutes later.
An anonymous forum.
Title: [Guys keep it low-key, we almost got found out.]
1L
Just peeked at Yuan’s forum, we almost got found out by Yuan fans about this forum, luckily I ran fast. Otherwise they’d discover we’ve been trashing Yuan.
2L
Huh? Isn’t this a Yuan fan forum?
3L
Who told you this is a fan forum? We’re haters, ok?
4L
Then how did you reach such a high level in Yuan’s super topic??
5L
This is called undercover work.
6L
Wait, hold on—I suddenly noticed a whole row of users on the homepage have very high levels in the Yuan super topic?
7L
You don’t know shit. If I hadn’t infiltrated, how could I have so many beautiful Yuan photos? You don’t know how hard it was to get that avatar photo—if I hadn’t DM’d some big fan for ages, they wouldn’t have sent it. Once I got it I immediately watermarked it, afraid they’d steal it.
8L
This avatar really is beautiful, all that begging for the big fan paid off—bro, worth it. [thumbs up]
9L
How come Yuan looks so good? He’s clearly an A—does that even make sense?
10L
Not really normal, but he just looks that good.
11L
The forum has a lot of active users, so why are there so few posts?
…
20L
Heh heh OP’s back, here’s my haul. [screenshot of buying 1,000 magazines from official site][smug]
21L
? You went to grab Yuan’s magazines? Didn’t you say you’re a hater?
22L
Of course I’m a hater.
23L
Then what is this?
24L
Only the first ten thousand get the limited merch, of course I had to get into the first ten thousand, so I camped out.
25L
No, I’m asking why you went to snatch them? You’re a hater, right?
26L
Didn’t you see his forum? A lot of people there couldn’t get others to transfer orders. I want to prove ○’s fans are trash—I’m not even a ○ fan and I still managed to snag a thousand copies; I can easily slip into the top ten thousand.
27L
Uh.
28L
How many did you say?
29L
A thousand. I originally only meant to buy a hundred as a token, but I accidentally hit an extra zero.
30L
Are you sure you’re an anti-○? I feel like you’re a diehard ○ fan—otherwise why would you be boosting his sales?
31L
You don’t know shit. I have my own rhythm. I’m not supporting his sales at all—I just wanted to buy the magazines to get deeper intel on the enemy.
32L
But yeah, I did buy a bit too many this time. I also grabbed lots of little merch.
33L
Oh well, I’ll stash them in another apartment. But a place that big is no good—I’m missing a wife. Wonder who’d fit. (Me: A, 186, 20, 20, sexual orientation A.)
34L
Show off all you want, go away.
……
○ fan forum.
Title: [Aaaah did everyone get theirs!?]
1L: I slid into the top ten thousand, I’m freaking out, my hands are shaking!! Thank goodness I got into the top ten thousand, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight!! But everyone’s so fast—I even used a fascia gun, afraid of getting left out. TAT
——Got one got one! Happy, I got limited merch too! [order screenshot]
——The little merch is so cute it melted me—there’s a Little Yuan keychain and a little plush!
——Ahhh, it sold out in one minute, how did they beat the rival group so easily. Cut them some slack, after all they were Little Yuan’s former teammates! (Kidding, don’t actually cut them slack) [cover face][goofy smile]
——We sniped your lot, sorry not sorry. [goofy smile]
——Eh? Where’s Brother Snake? When ○ and company security used to laugh, he’d break down and go crazy; after the livestream incident he’s shown no reaction at all.
——Brother Snake has indeed been much quieter.
——What, shedding skin?
——Brother Snake set his profile to visible for three days only—don’t know what happened, this time it seems he’s really heartbroken. But luckily my fingers are fast, I screenshotted it all.
——Inviting Dream A leader Brother Snake of ○ to make an important statement. [microphone]
——[Snake’s activity]
[Screenshot 1]
S: I hate you.
S: I fucking hate you.
[Screenshot 2]
S: You’re always like this.
S: Everyone else is more important than me.
[Screenshot 3]
S: Enough.
S: That’s it.
——Lol is Brother Snake really so heartbroken he’s retiring? I see he even changed his avatar to pure black and his bio to “.”.
——For real? Is he serious this time?
——So funny. Desperate Dream A.
——Overthinking. Honestly, I don’t believe Brother Snake would quit; he’s obsessed with ○ to the point of madness. [cover face]
——But he does seem pretty emo lately, so he’s been booking a lot of shoots. All photos of ○ in various dresses—totally Brother Snake’s usual taste, big-eyed cute-girl vibe.
——Hehehe, Brother Snake posted one before—though he deleted it instantly, I saved it!! It was super super adorable: Little ○ curled up like a tiny shrimp sleeping on the bed, clutching a little plush—I melted seeing it.
——But Brother Snake hasn’t said anything these past few days. This is ○’s first time appearing in a magazine; I wonder if he’ll buy it.
——Hard to say, because Brother Snake has always been very resistant to same-team stuff—he doesn’t hang out with other Dream A members. Although the magazine made ○ look great, it contains a lot of teammates…
——Stop guessing, Brother Snake just updated his status.
——Please screenshot!!!
——I’ll spoil you. [beckoning finger][screenshot]
User S: Hehe. [screenshot of an order page for ten thousand magazines] Junyang——⑥㈧嗣八八⑤①碔⒍
——…
——I really can’t handle this.
——I’m literally dying laughing…
——Can you put on that defiant, unruly act again?
——Enough / Let It Be
——Hehe
——I have a feeling Brother Snake is about to get a new nickname, “Hehe Bro.” Hehe bro, with a desperate deadpan face, charging the magazine to a million sales. [cover face]
——If life were only as it was at first sight, I’d still like Brother Snake when he pretends not to care. [sheepish smile]
——Brother Snake is really stubborn with his words—every time he says he hates ○, he still commissions little figurines without missing a single one. And for some reason, he’s especially keen on dressing ○ in skirts; in the little figures he makes, ○ is always in a skirt.
——Anyway, at least Brother Snake has lived up to the title of Dream A’s originator this time. Not bad, as long as it supports Little Yuan’s magazine sales, that’s good. [like]
——Brother Snake probably doesn’t think he’s doing this for ○. [screenshot]
Bystander: Didn’t he say he was quitting the scene? How’d he end up back as Princess Yuanyuan’s lapdog? Admit it, Brother Snake, you’re hopelessly into ○.
S replies: Me like him? Hilarious, I hate him, okay? I loathe him the most.
Bystander: Hates him but spends a million supporting his magazine sales. [cover face]
S replies: I’m getting revenge.
Bystander: ?? Revenge? With over a million?
S replies: Preventing people who truly like him from getting his magazine—isn’t that a form of revenge?
——Huh? Are you serious?
——I’m literally laughing out loud.
——Watching simping on the forum is like watching cockroaches under a lamp—the more you look, the colder you feel.
——Brother Snake: I hate you, I hate you to death, I’ll never forgive you! So Little Yuan, let’s get married tomorrow QVQ.
——Totally in-character. [thumbs up]
——But Brother Snake actually bought ten thousand copies? That’s insane. It seems he plans to buy more, but he emptied the platform’s stock; the platform needs to replenish sales.
——To do something like this is truly Dream A brother-level leadership.
——After all, when Little Yuan orders death, even as a ghost he’d be dashing.
——Wait what? We only chatted for a few minutes and every platform got sold out?!!
——Not just the magazine… even the UN online official site crashed; you can’t get in at all!! Lots of people rushed to physical counters to buy, and the malls were completely packed.. [crowded jpg]
——No no no, I was going to buy more!! How did it go out of stock?!
——No way, this restock is over—I’ve even contacted scalpers and couldn’t get any, have to wait for the next round!!
——Folks, go to the yellow platform, it’s still available on the yellow platform!!
——Damn, I was just a bit slow, yellow platform is out too. [crying]
——@UN @daystar magazine please restock!! Do you not want to make money!!
——Seriously, ○’s fans’ purchasing power is insane, right? It’s only been a short time and the magazine’s sales have already ranked third on the e-commerce platform..
——You didn’t refresh, did you? I’m seeing it at number two on my end.
——Oh, I’ll refresh.
——Holy shit… it’s number one!!!
Author’s Note:
Thank you, babies, for the explosive votes and nutrient solution. Thanks for your support [throwing flowers][rose]