Palace Struggles Is Also Crazy - Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Do You Think Being a Concubine is Easy? (2)

Section 6

“Sister, you should have come earlier.”

In Yongshou Palace, Consort Shu sat cross-legged on the ground, holding a cat in her hands, with two cats coiled around her feet, and two cats standing behind her…
There was barely any space for humans to stand.

Consort Shu said joyfully, “Now we can meow together…”

Before she could finish, Consort Li let out a massive sneeze, spraying Shu Fei’s face.

Consort Shu: “…”

That afternoon, the imperial physician received an emergency call – Consort Li was allergic to cat hair, and her face was swollen like a pig’s head. Consort Shu was allergic to saliva, and her face was also swollen like a pig’s head.

When the imperial physician arrived, the two concubines sat facing each other, their pig-like faces symmetrical, and for a moment, it was hard to tell who was who.

Section 7

Consort De and Consort Xian jointly received Consort Li, and the three women chatted enthusiastically in Changchun Palace for a while. Luckily, there were no accidents, but unluckily, the next day, Consort Li encountered the Emperor in the Imperial Garden.

As the Emperor was returning from court, he passed by a willow tree forest when suddenly, a loud soprano voice exploded from the ground, giving him a fright and causing him to break out in cold sweat despite the summer heat.

When he saw who it was, he felt annoyed but couldn’t express it, as she was new to the palace. His face looked unpleasant. Dugu Xin asked, “What are you doing here?”

Li Fei replied honestly, “I’m waiting for you.”

She didn’t know how to bow or use honorific language, standing there with her neck shrunk in, looking a bit pitiful.

Dugu Xin sighed, “How did you know you’d meet me here?”

“Consort De and Consort Xian told me. They said that if I stood here and sang, I’d get the Emperor’s favor.”

“So you were belting out ‘Qinghai Plateau’ here?” Dugu Xin held his heart and said, “Last time I heard ‘Green Grass by the River’ here, the contrast is quite big. Let me take a moment.”

The Emperor had his attendants find a nearby pavilion, where he sat down on a stone bench, sipping tea and enjoying the breeze, gradually calming down his urge to pack this foreign girl up and send her back.

Then he asked leisurely, “What else did Consort De and Consort Xian tell you?”

Consort Li looked at him, hesitant to speak.

Dugu Xin said, “Just say it, I’m listening, I’m not angry.”

“…They also said that if singing doesn’t move your heart, I can dance, but I don’t know how to dance. Can I compromise and show you some praying mantis boxing instead?”

“…”

“They also said that you’re thin-skinned and easy to conquer, and fun to tease. Although I’m not very interested in you, can you cooperate and let me tease you a bit? I’ve blocked ten boxes of face masks.”

The thin-skinned Emperor slammed his hand on the table, startling Consort Li, “You… you said you wouldn’t get angry.”

“I’m not angry,” Dugu Xin sneered.

That afternoon, Consort De and Consort Xian each received 100 imperial scriptures to copy, and they wouldn’t be allowed to leave until they finished.

Section 8

The concubines’ behavior was reflected on the Empress.

The Empress looked at Consort Li, who was sitting across from her, drinking mung bean soup without a care in the world. In the past half month, people who came to complain to her had worn down the threshold of Kun Ning Palace by three inches. Now even the Emperor was involved, and she felt like she had a huge headache.

Thinking of this, she ordered someone to send 50 more scriptures to Consort Xian and Consort De, adding to the 100 they already had.

When she turned around, she saw Consort Li sitting there, looking pitiful and staring at her.

For some reason, it reminded her of her own Husky.

So she smiled and patted Consort Li’s head.

It was a mistake. As soon as she touched Consort Li’s head, Consort Li’s lips began to quiver, and she looked like she was about to cry.
“I feel like none of the sisters like me.”

“It’s not that they don’t like you. They know you don’t mean any harm, but you’re just a bit… clueless,” the Empress said.

The Empress still hadn’t given up on trying to save Consort Li from her frustrations.

She tentatively asked, “Consort Li, do you have any hobbies?”

Consort Li thought seriously for a moment. “Does drinking count?”

Drinking in moderation is good for the mood. The Empress asked, “Do you like peach blossom wine, red wine, or Rio?”

Consort Li shook her head. “Erguotou?”
The Empress said, “Three bowls and you’re done.”

The Empress: “…Okay, let’s drink.”

Section 9

The Empress’s gathering in Kun Ning Palace, where they drank together, was the last thing Dugu Xin knew about.

The Emperor rushed to the scene, and as soon as he entered, a wine bottle flew past his face.

The bottle was caught by Da Xi, who was standing behind him. Da Xi glanced at the Emperor’s expression and silently mourned for the concubine who would soon be sent to the cold palace to grow vegetables in a greenhouse.

The Emperor strode into the room with his long legs.

He stepped over Consort Xian and Consort Shu, who were sitting on the ground, hugging wine bottles and playing finger-guessing games. He stepped over Consort De and Consort Liang, who were usually at odds but were now hugging each other, crying and laughing together. He stepped over the Noble Consort Xi, who was lying on the ground reciting the multiplication table. He stepped over the Empress Dowager, who was on the table… and then stepped back.
He ordered expressionlessly, “Da Xi, help the Empress Dowager down from the table and send her back to her palace. Call a doctor to wait on her.”

Da Xi saw this as a good opportunity to avoid getting involved and quickly helped the Empress Dowager away.

The Empress’s face was red, and her eyes were blurry. She leaned on Consort Li’s shoulder, affectionately saying, “You’ll get to know him better with time. Dugu Xin is actually very easy to get along with. He looks like a big gray wolf on the outside, but he’s a little white rabbit on the inside. Whenever he looks at you with a fierce expression…” She looked up and saw Dugu Xin. “Yes, like that. Don’t be afraid, Consort Li. It’s all just a show…”

As the only sober person in the scene, Consort Li was really scared. She gently removed the Empress’s hand from her neck and placed it on the Emperor’s shoulder.

The Emperor’s expression was about to improve, but the Empress’s hand came back, “Consort Li, don’t avoid the issue. Everyone in this palace has it tough. Don’t look at Consort De’s tough exterior; she’s actually very vulnerable. She finally fell in love with a young man, but her father didn’t approve. She finally eloped, but the young man changed his mind. She was so heartbroken that she wanted to jump off a cliff, but I and the Emperor saved her. If it weren’t for Master Guo’s crosstalk, she wouldn’t be able to live a day…”

Consort Li: “…”

The Empress continued to educate Consort Li, “And Consort Xian, she seems annoying with all her advertisements in the palace. But you have to understand her. As a concubine, her mother passed away early, and she was sent to the palace by her stepmother. She’s bored out of her mind, and everyone needs a hobby. If she likes doing business, that’s fine we should support them…”

“Consort Liang likes dolls because she has her own reasons. You might think she’s cold and aloof, but she’s just an immature girl. She’s a prodigy, and it’s different for her. She’s had a lot of pressure since she was young, and her parents have high expectations of her. She’s only able to share her thoughts with dolls. She was even close to being autistic…”

“Consort Shu likes raising cats because… there’s no reason. She’s just bored and has too much love to give.”

“Let’s talk about the Emperor…”

Consort Li covered the Empress’s mouth, “Let’s not talk about the Emperor.”

The Empress burped, “What’s wrong with talking about him? He’s not here anyway.”

Consort Li: “…” She looked at the Emperor, who was standing by the table, and felt like she wouldn’t survive until tomorrow.

The Emperor pulled up a chair and sat down, “Go on, I’m interested in hearing more.”

The Empress excitedly said, “Look, this handsome gentleman wants to hear! Oh, why is there a dark cloud hovering above your head?”

Consort Li: “…Can you two please not drag me into your little game…”

Consort Li tried to shake off the Empress’s enthusiastic grip on her shoulder, but failed. She could only look down, pretend to be a clay figurine, and silently chant, “I don’t exist, I don’t exist, I don’t exist…”

“Where were we? Ah yes, the Emperor.” The Empress continued, “Let me list all his bad habits for you.”

Consort Li pulled out two handkerchiefs and plugged her ears with them.

Dugu Xin asked with interest, “What are his bad habits?”

“There are so many. For example, he sings terribly, he’s stubborn, he has no sense of romance, he doesn’t like to exercise, and he’s picky about food. He’s even more difficult to serve than my son. Don’t you think he’s annoying, little brother?”

The Empress suddenly changed her tone, “But don’t be sad, Consort Li. Although he’s annoying, he’s good-looking. At least he’s worth looking at…. Have you seen this handsome gentleman? My dear Xin Xin… Oh, handsome gentleman, why are you so good-looking? You’re even more handsome than my Xin Xin. Why don’t I take you away from here? I’ve had enough of being the Empress. Let’s go back to my grandfather’s Qing Shan Zhai and be the leader of the bandits. You’re more than qualified to be the leader’s concubine.”

“Wen Zhishan——”

Consort Li heard the Emperor grinding his teeth.

The Empress turned around, looking righteous, and said to Consort Li, “Yes, whenever the Emperor calls you by your full name, you should be careful. It means he’s really angry.”

Consort Li covered her face, “I can see that.”

The Empress finally removed her hand from Consort Li’s shoulder and grabbed Dugu Xin’s arm. She waved at Consort Li, “I’ll take this handsome gentleman away. Keep it a secret, don’t let the Emperor know.”

After saying that, she leaned on the table and fell asleep.

Consort Li: “…”

Consort Li used all her intelligence and acting skills to open a bottle of peach blossom wine in front of the Emperor. She drank it in three seconds and then leaned to the side, pretending to be unconscious.

Through the gap in her arm, she saw the Emperor’s dark face as he picked up the Empress and walked out.

Section 10

The wind outside was a bit chilly. The Empress’s arm around Dugu Xin’s neck tightened, “Handsome gentleman, can you really carry me? Don’t drop me.”

Dugu Xin: “…You can keep quiet.”

“…Oh.” Less than a moment later, “Request to speak!”

Dugu Xin: “…”

“Handsome gentleman, where are we going?”

“Aren’t you taking me back to be the leader’s concubine?”

The Empress nodded happily.

Dugu Xin asked, “Being the Empress makes you that unhappy?”

The Empress nodded again.

“…”

After a while, the Empress said, “I’ve thought about it carefully. You can put me down now.”

“Why?” Dugu Xin looked down at her.

“If I leave like this, what will happen to the Emperor? The palace is so big, he won’t be able to find me. If he can’t find me, he’ll be left alone again.”

“Didn’t you say you didn’t like him?”

“Who said I don’t like him? I like him more than I like myself. Handsome gentleman, don’t try to drive a wedge between us. Interfering in someone else’s marriage never ends well!”

“So this is your trouble?”

“Yes, yes, yes. I’m telling you, don’t tell Dugu Xin. He’s busy with state affairs, and I don’t want him to be distracted by such small matters.” The Empress whispered in his ear, “If only Dugu Xin was just Dugu Xin, not the Emperor.”

“Sorry.”

“Huh?” The Empress opened her eyes wide, not understanding.

Dugu Xin said, “I’ll be dead from your cuteness sooner or later.”

Section 11

For the next half month, the harem was surprisingly peaceful, which made people feel uneasy.

It was time for another gathering in Kun Ning Palace.

Consort Li, who was sitting at the end, suddenly raised her hand, “I’m new here and don’t know the rules. Should I raise my hand or get a number to speak?”

“You don’t need to do either,” the Empress said kindly, looking at her. “The biggest rule here is that there are no rules. Speak freely, say whatever you want. Li Fei, what do you want to say?”

“Then I’m relieved.” Li Fei said, “Why are you, the Empress, the center of attention? Shouldn’t the Emperor be the one? Before I came, I was surprised. It seems that you Central Plain people don’t care about trivial matters, and so many women can share one man.”

Consort Shu, who was sitting closest to Consort Li, patted her shoulder sympathetically, using the same gentle touch as petting a cat. She said earnestly, “Sister, you’re still too young. Sharing the Emperor among the concubines is impossible. Remember this rule: the Emperor belongs to the Empress, and the Empress belongs to all of us.”

Consort Li looked confused. Consort Xian on the other side grasped her hand in a friendly manner, “You should know about the Empress’s fan club. Want to join? Friend, if you join now, the membership fee can be discounted for you, 20% off.”

Consort Li: “…Okay, I’ll join.”