Palace Struggles Is Also Crazy - Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Being the Empress is not Easy (1)

Section 1

There was a couplet hanging at the entrance of Noble Consort Xi’s palace, written by the most talented woman of the time, Consort Liang. The top line read: “Your Majesty, do as you please,” and the bottom line read: “Idols are more important than heaven.” The horizontal scroll read: “I love the Empress.”

The couplet was mounted firmly, with several layers of paste applied to ensure it wouldn’t be damaged by rain or snow. It was a good couplet that seemed determined to last as long as the Forbidden City.

Every time the Emperor passed by Noble Consort Xi’s palace entrance, his face would turn black.

The story began with Noble Consort Xi’s childhood.

At that time, her father, General Zhou, and the Empress’s father, Chancellor Wen, were both pillars of the state, known for their civil and military prowess. Since their goal was to make the country prosperous and strong, they considered each other close friends and interacted frequently.

To avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, General Zhou and Chancellor Wen would often bring their families when they met. However, one day, General Zhou’s wife and Chancellor Wen’s wife both fell in love with a new actor in the Liu Hui Troupe and abandoned their husbands to pursue their idol. General Zhou was left with no choice but to carry his daughter, who was playing in the garden, on his neck and head to the Chancellor’s mansion.

Zhou Yuexi was only five years old at the time, wearing a small floral skirt. When she stood in the flower hall of the Chancellor’s mansion, she looked chubby and soft, with big eyes and exceptionally long eyelashes. She blinked at people without speaking, looking very obedient and cute.

That year, the future Empress was seven or eight years old. After putting tacks on the teacher’s stool, she ran home to avoid punishment. She peeked from the doorway of the flower hall and saw a well-behaved child playing alone on the carpet.

Zhou Yuexi didn’t know that she was about to meet the love of her life. Just as she was shaping the mud into a figure of her father, she felt a shadow looming over her. She looked up and cried out loud.

Later, the Empress would often think back to her first meeting with Noble Consort Xi and couldn’t help but feel that Noble Consort Xi looked at her with…
It was like when Jia Baoyu in the Jia mansion looked at Lin Daiyu, the filter was as thick as her mother’s thousand-layered bottom.

Because Zhou Yuexi pointed at her and said, “Wow, big sister, you look so beautiful. Have we met before?”

At that time, Wen Zhishan, the future Empress, didn’t take this sentence to heart. She smiled and greeted her, saying that an eight-year-old child’s compliments were limited. She looked the little sister up and down, her gaze stopping at the mud in her hand, and praised, “The monkey you sculpted is lifelike.”

Zhou Yuexi smiled and said, “Thank you, big sister. This is my father.”

This hobby was later brought into the Forbidden City by Noble Consort Xi. She even spent her own money to hold a “Noble Consort Art Exhibition”. The day before the exhibition, the Empress went around each palace, threatening them, and only then did the exhibition manage to have a packed audience on the opening day. From the Empress Dowager to Da Xi, the Emperor’s attendant, everyone in the palace found their matching monkey sculpture at the exhibition.

Even the Emperor himself wasn’t spared. He looked at his sculpture, which was shiny, exceptionally tall, and had an indistinguishable nose and mouth. His usually composed face cracked, and he asked in despair, “Why didn’t I see the Empress’s sculpture?”

Noble Consort Xi replied cheerfully, “The Empress sister said that as long as she wasn’t sculpted, I could do whatever I wanted.”

“……”

Section 2

However, the Empress couldn’t understand. Just because of this, it couldn’t be the reason why Noble Consort Xi “loved” her so much. Who in the palace hadn’t she supported in their hobbies?

Consort Shu loved raising cats, and she gave her special approval for many dried fish. Consort De loved listening to jokes, and she brought the folk artist Guo Master into the palace to tell her cross-talk. Consort Xian loved doing business, and she encouraged the Emperor to buy face masks. The Emperor loved the Empress, and she… cough… Even Consort Liang loved showing off, and didn’t she allow her to do so within a controllable range?

But no one had ever been this enthusiastic about her. The Empress was puzzled.
Speaking of what made Noble Consort Xi different from everyone else, it might be her culinary skills.

The Imperial Kitchen had changed two chefs in three years, and each new chef was initially terrified of Noble Consort Xi. Before entering the palace, they had heard that the concubines’ competition for the Emperor’s favor was ruthless, and there were three essential moral guidelines for winning favor: singing on the Emperor’s path that he must pass, with classic songs like “Encounter”, “I Never Thought I’d Meet You Here”, and “Falling Deeply in Love with You”; performing the long-lost dance “Dance of the Swan” or playing the long-lost “Ambush from Ten Sides” at gatherings, or first dancing “Graceful dance” and then playing “Ambush from Ten Sides”. One concubine had tried to innovate by dancing “Graceful dance” while playing “Ambush from Ten Sides”, but the Emperor was displeased and sent her to the cold palace to grow mushrooms.
Several years later, it was said that she had developed five new varieties.

This was aside from the main topic. The third and most important guideline for winning favor was that no matter how unskilled or unknowledgeable you were at home, once you entered the palace, you had to transform into a great chef in an instant. Whenever the Emperor needed it, you had to roll up your long sleeves and make a bowl of Guiyuan lotus seed soup or red date silver ear porridge for him. After finishing, you had to personally carry it to the Hall of Mental Cultivation and speak sweet nothings.

As for the question “What if the Emperor doesn’t like soup but prefers dry rice?”, it wasn’t within the scope of considerations for winning favor. Anyway, the Emperor wouldn’t really eat it.

So when Noble Consort Xi’s noble feet stepped into the Imperial Kitchen, the timid chefs immediately prepared the Guiyuan lotus seed soup and red date silver ear porridge, waiting for her to serve it. However, after a long time, she didn’t appear.

When they heard a noise and went in to take a look, they saw Noble Consort rolling up her long sleeves, holding a large pot, and stirring with a spatula. She turned her head and asked a young eunuch to go to Consort Shu’s place to fetch a pack of hot pot seasoning.

The chef asked nervously, “May I ask, Your Highness, does the Emperor like spicy food?”

Noble Consort blinked her innocent big eyes and replied, “I don’t know.”

“Then what are you…?”

“This concubine is making it for Her Highness the Empress.”
“……”

Thanks to Noble Consort Xi, the Emperor’s preferences weren’t very clear, but they had a deep impression of what the Empress liked to eat.

At mealtime, in the Kun Ning Palace, Noble Consort Xi held a spicy hot pot and looked at the Empress with shining eyes, “Empress sister, look, I added extra Sichuan peppercorns this time.”

The Empress smiled and stroked her hair, picking up her chopsticks. “Here, here, there’s a big piece of meat.”

“Eat more broccoli, it’s good for your skin.”

“Silver ear, it’s good for your complexion.”

The Emperor, sitting at the same table, looked at the Guiyuan lotus seed soup in front of him and couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Da Xi, can you see me?”

Da Xi: “…This servant can see you.”

“Then why do some people only have the Empress in their eyes, while others only have the hot pot?”

“……”

Noble Consort Xi: “……”

The Empress quickly put down her chopsticks and stroked the Emperor’s hair to calm him down.

—
Jia Baoyu & Lin Daiyu from the Popularly known Dream of the Red Chamber.
Ambush from Ten Sides- (pipa solo piece)
• House of Flying Daggers (2004 movie by Zhang Yimou.