Online Dating, Fooled 800 Times - Chapter 11

Although it was already late at night, the heat was still overwhelming. Groups of high school students on bicycles whizzed past the driveway. Although Xiang Kui judged they were some distance away from hitting her, she pressed herself closer to the wall, like a gecko.

The instant noodles she was carrying rustled, and on a whim, she got off the subway early and decided to walk the one stop home—after all, tomorrow was Saturday.

The phone screen in her pocket lit up with a message from the guild leader:

[Wait, Scolded Again: Xiao Kui! Look, the official Weibo has started promoting the new event. I guess it’s releasing in a few days! [Weibo link]] 

Xiang Kui clicked on the link as she walked:

[Qian Kun Online: The sky divides the golden mirror, the earth looks upon the jade hook. Dear heroes, the sweet Qixi Festival promotional video is here! [Video]]

Qixi Festival?

She glanced at the calendar. Qixi Festival was still at least two weeks away. Starting the promotion so early can only mean that the Qiankun team is planning something big—don’t get me wrong, “big” here doesn’t refer to a gorgeous expansion pack or a ton of fun special events, but rather to large costume gift boxes with four-digit price tags.

And yes, no matter how fantastical it gets, Qiankun is still a game with a traditional Chinese culture. Valentine’s Day is out of the question, so they can only take advantage of the Qixi Festival.

[Wait, Scolded Again: The romance event is already live! The couple who reaches the highest friendship level within a limited time will receive a unique, colorful firework pack with their IDs printed on it during Qixi Festival. It will explode over the main city for a full five minutes!]

Xiang Kui, “…”

Who is this reward even aimed at?

She opened the picture sent by the Guild Leader Xiao Ma. On the real-time leaderboard, [Precious Little Foam] and [Precious Little Foam’s Accessory] were in first place, with [Knowing Autumn] and [Autumn Doesn’t Need Your Knowing] in second place. The gap between the two was incredibly close. What a spectacular, earth-shattering battle!

She had so many complaints that she didn’t even know where to begin.

Silver car lights flashed past, and Xiang Kui replied with a “cute” emoticon before putting her phone back in her pocket and focusing on walking.

The guild members had previously felt guilty for not being able to help her fight her enemies. One fool had snuck into her in-game home for a week to help remove weeds from her garden, and the guild leader had even added her to the gang’s WeChat group. Ten people chatted like a thousand people, and if Xiang Kui did not check her phone every three hours, there would be 99+ messages unread. After a week, she finally couldn’t resist and set it to “Do not Disturb”.

Although she wouldn’t send a single message, she would review the entire day’s chat history before bed.

In truth, Xiang Kui had never imagined the guild leader would be so loyal. After all, the guild she joined back when she was a rookie was all assassins, and it was there that she learned her sneaky hunting skills. Just like her guild now, the all-assassin guild responded to every single incident—if one person was attacked, the entire guild would die together.

Her previous master’s affectionate admonitions were still fresh in his mind: “Disciple, remember this life wisdom of us assassins: lean on mountains, and they will fall; lean on people, and they will flee. If you’re poor, fend for yourself; if you’re rich, run away with the money!”

Xiang Kui wanted to laugh at the memory.

[Lame: [Man-eating-Sunflower], report! He’s online and standing in the main city!]

[Old Flower: Scared. Absolutely scared. He’s absolutely timid. Now his legs tremble at the sight of Xiao Kui.]

[Dashou: Shared link [Experts have discovered the scientific truth: Water spinach actually contains a large amount of air. Do you still dare to eat it…]]

[Deaf: But why did I see him standing with [Warlord Li Li]… They haven’t moved for ages next to the event NPC. Are they planning to enter the Qixi Festival love ranking together?]

Xiang Kui was a little surprised.

Pairing up with [Warlord Li Li]? A revenge alliance? But [Rush]’s other account on the older server was still active. How would he explain not completing couple quests with Lin Xi on Qixi Festival? Even if he works overtime to cheat on his partner, dedicated enough to quest with two people simultaneously, he should be pairing with his apprentice, [Crossing Summer].

Unsure what was going on, Xiang Kui quickened her pace slightly, swiped open Lin Xi’s message box with one hand, and sent her a voice message, “Hello—”

There was no reply. The last message they had was a screenshot of the game, showing a white-haired swordsman lying quietly in front of a forbidden area, a large black line symbol on his head.

[Xiang Kui: The ruthless swordsman who tried to counter-gank me in the wilderness map today but was instantly evicted by two NPCs.]

[Lin Xi: Ahhhhh, dying of laughter. He’s finally learned to gank but forgot that the forbidden area on this map can’t be entered? / Covering face / Covering face]

[Xiang Kui: Hmph. / Sunglasses]

[Lin Xi: What a ruthless and unbothered assassin, ily! Worthy of being the server’s top Tianren, with a handspeed worthy of thirty years of fish-killing experience, a scumbag’s eternal nightmare! /Fireworks /Cheers]

Scrolling up further, it was all Xiang Kui reporting on her work. During a regular meeting with Lin Xi a few weeks ago, this conclusion was made:

Ms. [Shark Xiaokui], in this epic campaign against annoying scumbags, had truly focused her efforts, maintaining critical thinking and clearly and firmly defining her role. She grasped the psychology of a cheater, stuck to her goals and raced against time, working at full speed to achieve a high-quality finish, achieving 88 kills. She is now awarded an honorary title and should be recommended for direct admission to a full-fledged Assassin Company upon graduation.

Her phone vibrated, and Lin Xi replied with a voice message. The two of them used WeChat as an intercom: “Hello—what’s up—”

Xiang Kui asked, “Did your baritone hubby say he wanted to complete the Qixi Festival mission with you?”

“Not yet. He’s online right now.” Lin Xi had been working tirelessly for so long, and she had almost gathered all the evidence she needed. She was just waiting to slap the scumbag on what should have been his happiest day. Now her tone was much lighter. “Let’s not talk about the game right now. I just found something great. I’m forwarding you the link. Take a look!”

The other party sent a serious link to a restaurant tour. Nine pictures showed a dimly lit bar interior, quite nice, with a champagne tower near the entrance. The text didn’t comment on the drinks, but instead said:

[A must-visit bar for Chengjiang girls in August! Qixi Festival event, young men with perky butts are flying in from all over the country…]

Xiang Kui, “…” What a strange choice of words.

After parsing through the information, she discovered that this bar called “Fragrant Night” had just held a pole dancing competition the previous month (all contestants had XY chromosomes). Tickets were affordable, first come first serve. The bar’s owner explained that it wasn’t for profit, but simply for fun.

Xiang Kui, “…” Interesting hobby.

It turned out that for Qixi Festival, single women who came to the bar were getting a 50% discount on all male models. What a strange business strategy… Never mind, no more complaints. Xiang Kui tapped the address.

23 meters away.

She looked up. The quaint “Fragrant Night” sign hung quietly overhead, like a call of fate.

Intrigued, Xiang Kui lingered at the door for a moment before finally stepping through, carrying her bag of Little Raccoon instant noodles. The room was unexpectedly quiet, the music and a faint aroma soothing. Upon entering, she saw the champagne tower from the previous picture and the promotional signs lined up in the hallway.

To be so brazenly displayed, he must be a legitimate male model. Xiang Kui looked at the promotional slogan with a hint of disappointment—and then even more disappointment.

The muscular hunk looked incredibly stinky. The delicate younger brother looked a bit malnourished. The trendy hipster had lied about his height by at least 7cm. The gentle, mature man… seemed familiar, so familiar. She felt nothing but respect. Why did he look so kind?

The last sign was a black silhouette with an outstretched hand, resembling the image of Zhang Wei Legal Aid.jpg. Next to it was a note: Mystery Guest, Regular Customers First.

Xiang Kui—“.”

Are they Hermès? Your status has to match the goods where only when spending three times the price can you buy a conspicuous looking bag?

Footsteps sounded behind the bar. Xiang Kui immediately slapped away the harsh comments in his mind and smiled at the newcomer.

The entrance was illuminated by overhead lighting. The bar owner had been staring at the head moving back and forth for a long time. Just as he was about to dismiss her, he walked over and saw such a bright and innocent smile. He was stunned for a moment: “Uh… do you want to come in and sit down?”

“No thanks,” Xiang Kui said with a smile, waving her hand. “I’m just taking a look. Excuse me.”

The bar owner watched her leave.

The difference between this girl’s smile and her expression when she’s restrained is quite striking. When she smiles, her eyes curve into crescents, her upper lip slightly tilted, and she’s incredibly charming. But when she’s not smiling, it becomes clear that her facial features are actually quite aloof. Her pupils are clearly visible, and the clear whites of her eyes make her pupils appear even darker. The corners of her lips, unmoved by any effort, droop naturally, giving her the look of a perpetually unhappy wild cat.

She seems approachable, yet strangely distant.

A contradictory temperament.

————

When Xiang Kui logged in, [Rush] was still in the main city.

Since she wasn’t a ninja, the main city was a safe zone for him. He wasn’t anywhere near [Warlord Li Li] like her guild members had mentioned. Xiang Kui figured that since Lin Xi’s other server account was also online, he must be logged in to both but AFK on this end.

[[Private Chat] Man-Eating Sunflower: 1]

[[Private Chat] Rush: ?]

A familiar question mark. He’s actually online?

Don’t know what he’s doing in the main city. Xiang Kui is in a good mood today and doesn’t want to initiate a fight.

The private chat channel buzzed.

[[Private Chat] Play Kongshan again and I’ll slap you: You logged in too late and didn’t see it. The boss is buying the [Red Robe] for a high price on the public channel. Are you touched?]

[[Private Chat] Man-Eating Sunflower: ? /Confusion]

The [Red Robe] is similar to the [Glazed Heart], both rare items required for the highest level of bond formation.

[[Private Chat] Play Kongshan again and I’ll slap you: We’ve been through this, so let me be frank. There aren’t many people this innocent and good-tempered these days. Look at how he was so brokenhearted before and was MIA for weeks, but as soon as you came online his first tasks back were harvesting [Glazed Hearts] and buying [Red Robes]. He must be trying to get back together with you.]

Good-tempered, sure, but how can you tell if he’s innocent?

It’s over.

She finally completed Lin Xi’s request, but now this nagging military advisor seems to really think she’s [Rush]’s ex. And [Rush] doesn’t seem to have noticed yet… he really doesn’t reply to other people’s PMs!

Xiang Kui mumbled a few perfunctory “yep” and “yess”, then absent-mindedly set up shopl in the main city, preparing to join a 20-man group for a dungeon raid to collect gear that evening. A WeChat voice message popped up, and Lin Xi casually asked, “Did you check it out?”

They’d known each other for so long that even the most disjointed conversations could be connected. Xiang Kui replied, “Yeah.”

Lin Xi, “How was it?”

Xiang Kui let out a “hmm,” a sound that signaled no. “Did you only look at the promotional photos?” Lin Xi was clacking away on her keyboard. “I asked several offline customers, and they all said the photos didn’t look great, but they were actually quite good in person.”

Xiang Kui knew all too well that some girls had incredibly low expectations for handsome men and were incredibly kind. They’d even say to the scaly snake from Little Carp Adventure, “He has regular features and a good foundation.” She wasn’t buying it.

The conversation trailed off there. Lin Xi was typing when he suddenly exclaimed, “My little apprentice is actually online. It’s been ages since she logged into her old account. I thought she’d been playing on the new server for so long that she didn’t plan to come back here.”

[Crossing Summer]?

Xiang Kui switched to her alt to take a look. At the same moment, [Crossing Summer] was in a dungeon realm. “Is she AFK?”

“No,” Lin Xi said. “She just finished playing ranked.”

Even if one were multitasking to the max, it would be impossible to play ranked while running a dungeon at the same time. Xiang Kui frowned, feeling something was amiss. She could explain it away as a power-leveling situation, until she opened the team recruitment panel and saw a golden leader badge following [Crossing Summer]’s ID: “…”

The golden badge is typically only awarded to elite leaders who have set records.

Xiang Kui suddenly remembered that she only saw that [Crossing Summer] and [Rush] were master and apprentice, and then, pressed for time, she hadn’t opened the detailed information since. Now that she wanted to look, the other party’s profile card was hidden. She asked solemnly, “Wait a minute… are you saying this little apprentice can lead a team of twenty people?”

“How is that possible? She’s a complete novice. She doesn’t even know how to navigate a team of five.” Lin Xi was puzzled. “Why are you asking that all of a sudden?”

Xiang Kui sent a screenshot, and the two of them fell silent.

A long while.

Lin Xi, “Must have bought the account. Must have. It’s probably a power leveler playing, so it’s not surprising to see this logo.”

Xiang Kui, “Yep yep.”

“Don’t overthink it,” Lin Xi consoled. “How could someone in this world just happen to buy a Tianwu Jiange Sect account, just happen to have a disciple with “Summer” in their ID, just happen to be on a new server, just happen to be seen, and just happen to have you hounding them for a month with no explanation? That’s too much of a coincidence, how could it be possible?”

Her explanation was reasonable, but… no way. Xiang Kui said firmly: “If it wasn’t like that, it also wouldn’t make sense. How could someone in this world actually steal my gear, let me kill them eighteen times without a word, and then quit herb collecting to fight back but never place a bounty or curse me out?”

Lin Xi: “Right.”

Xiang Kui: “Yep.”

Another awkward silence.

Lin Xi said, “And it just so happens that he’s a noob, appears when the scumbag comes to me to explain things, the two accounts are active at different times, and [Crossing Summer] is actually his sister. How is that even possible?”

Xiang Kui: “He can’t be a complete newbie who just started playing and knows nothing about the game, right? No one would buy a 158,000 account right after starting out.”

Lin Xi: “Yep, yep.”

Xiang Kui: “Right, right.”

“…”

Xiang Kui’s intuition told her something was amiss. Beads of sweat began to form on her palms. She tried to tap on [Rush], who was standing diagonally across from her—unfortunately, the line between them was red again.

…Put away your red string. What are you looking at me for?

On the other end, Lin Xi finally breathed a sigh of relief and said, “My young disciple sent me a long message. Huh? What’s this? A confession of guilt? ‘Master’s wife, by the time you read this, my phone will already be in my mother’s hands. I’m truly sorry, and I must confess. I once developed forbidden feelings for Master. His words made me anxious and worried, leading to a disastrous failure in the Ten Schools Joint Entrance Exam, dropping my ranking from 27,366th to 28,372nd. So when he invited me to join him on the new server, I gritted my teeth and declined. But Master’s wife, I really must tell you, Master is not a good person. I’ve retrieved all the screenshots of his flirting and sent them to you.'”

The more she read, the lower her voice became. The more she listened, the more she felt uneasy.

To be fair, there were too many flaws in the messages, like “My young disciple, your Chinese teacher is crying,” “This defeat isn’t that tragic, is it?” and “Are you the genius hacker child of the billionaire bride?” But at that moment, Xiang Kui’s vision went dark, and only two thoughts raced through her mind.

Do such crazy coincidences really exist?

And…

Disciple, why didn’t you say something earlier?! Your master is certainly not a good person now, but your mistress and her friends have also become irredeemable villains!!

[Rush] was still watching her.

He even took two steps toward her. Although the game character couldn’t show any expression, Xiang Kui had a feeling—something was wrong. There was murderous intent in his eyes!

In the pindrop silence, Lin Xi swallowed audibly, “88 times, right…”

“Yea,” Xiang Kui said coldly. “Not to mention I pretended to be his white moonlight. Now everyone in his guild thinks me killing him is just our kink.”

Lin Xi wanted to laugh but couldn’t, stifling it until it hurt inside, “Xiang Kui, you…”

Xiang Kui’s hand trembled, and she accidentally clicked the “Party” button, and as expected, was ruthlessly rejected.

[[Private Chat] Rush:?]

[[Private Chat] Man-eating Sunflower: Σ(° △°|||)︴||Ahhh, sorry, I accidentally clicked the wrong button!!]

Her attitude suddenly changed, and the other party probably didn’t react. After a while, they sent an angry face emoji.

[Private chat] Rush: (▽皿▽#)

A wave of guilt instantly washed over her.

God, what has she done in the past month!

Lin Xi said quietly, “Is it too late for me to buy an account now and go over to kowtow to you?”

“No need to bother. When are you visiting?” Xiang Kui recalled her friend’s firm answer at the time (TL note: Reference ch 1):

[Lin Xi: It’s definitely him. If it’s not I’ll swim butterfly stroke, drink sewer water, and streak across town!  >:((((]