Mental Illness Evolution Manual - Chapter 62

Yulu City was right next to Yuecheng, it only took two hours by bullet train.

Yan Xianchuan searched for tickets, she was about to buy one, but then she suddenly remembered that she had to go look at dresses tomorrow, so she reluctantly exited the ticket purchase page.

Back in the original forum, the discussion had already started, and they were all saying the same thing, like “You’re falling for her,” “There’s no saving you,” “You’ve fallen in love,” and so on.

Someone asked her to tell them specifically what was going on, how they met, and to help her analyze it.

Three heads are better than one, and these strangers who had never met before, standing from a third-party perspective, and possessing emotions that she had never had, might really be able to help her answer her questions.

Yan Xianchuan organized her past experiences, she erased the specific people and events, and simply said, “We were introduced by our parents. She’s a very smart and determined person, she’s considerate and thoughtful, and she speaks very softly. She has her own career, she has ideals, she has goals, she has aspirations.”

As she wrote, she gradually fell into her memories, “No matter what happens, she’s always very calm, she comes up with the right solution immediately, she’s the pillar of support for many people.”

“She’s also very tolerant, very accepting, and she’s a great conversationalist. Her face is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, and so is her soul.”

“That’s great.” Someone replied, “This isn’t about what liking is or isn’t.”

“I don’t understand.” Yan Xianchuan said in confusion, “What does liking feel like?”

“Oh, this is really…” Another person replied, “Then I’ll ask you, is she special to you? Is she different from everyone else?”

“Yes.” Yan Xianchuan replied.

“Come on, I’ll ask you again, why do you always listen to her?” The person said.

“Because everything she says is right.” She said truthfully.

“How can someone always be right, she’s not a god, your filter is going to be overloaded, sister!” The person laughed, “Look at what you just said, it’s all praise from beginning to end, no flaws at all. Can a person have no flaws? No, but you can’t see them, why? It’s simple, because your eyes are blinded by love!”

“In this day and age, there are still people who are falling in love, it’s crazy.”

Yan Xianchuan looked at his words, then looked back at her own comment, and she realized that it was true.

Everyone has flaws, no one is perfect, can Lu Mingqiu not have any?

She thought carefully, she tried to recall, she was sweating profusely, she was flustered, because she really couldn’t find anything bad about her.

Lu Mingqiu was shining brightly in her heart, she was perfect.

She was stunned, she turned her gaze with difficulty, falling on the latest reply—”The first time you like someone, it’s like this. I was the same, I fell in love with a friend I had known for a long time. When I saw him going out to play and eat with other people, I would get angry. At the time, I thought it was possessiveness, I thought he had new friends and didn’t bring me along. Later, the three of us went out together, and I wasn’t very happy.

Then I realized that I wasn’t unhappy because he didn’t bring me out to play, but because I wanted him to be with me only.

Later, I kissed him, and I realized that he had been secretly in love with me. Well, we’re very happy now.

Once you’ve confirmed your feelings, you have to be brave and pursue them, don’t miss out, if you miss out, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life”

Like.

So this is liking.

At first, she would always be in a daze, she would often blank out her brain aimlessly. Now, when she’s in a daze, ten out of ten times, she thinks of Lu Mingqiu.

She thinks of her eyebrows, her blue eyes, her soft lips, her gentle smile, her focused gaze, her cold killing intent.

She thinks of her sweet and warm breath.

Then her chest feels warm and full, as if something is beating, wanting to burst out, but she can’t say it.

So this is liking.

Yan Xianchuan got out of bed awkwardly, she walked around the room aimlessly. This is good, this is great!

She knows what liking is, she understands love, isn’t this a cause for celebration?

She rushed out of the door like a gust of wind, she ran to the corridor, but her steps slowly stopped, she stood there and stared blankly at the sky-blue corridor for a while, then she slowly turned around and went downstairs, she rummaged through the refrigerator, but there was nothing.

She pushed open the door, went downstairs, and went to the 24-hour convenience store supermarket, she bought herself an ice cream cone.

The night wind was cool, carrying the scent of autumn.

Yan Xianchuan sat on the bench next to the lotus pond, staring at a warm yellow lotus palace lantern.

Every year during the Lantern Festival, there was a lantern festival, it was even more lively at night than during the day. All kinds of lanterns were hung high, more than the stars in the night sky. Winter was very cold, and there was still snow falling from the sky, but people’s enthusiasm could dispel the cold. Yan Xianchuan was wrapped up tightly, wearing a red velvet hat, like a fire fox curled up on her head. She was held by her father, her hand was held by her mother, they walked through the various stalls.

Not long after, she had many small objects on her body, a woven bracelet, a hairpin with a little tiger on it, and she was also holding a strawberry candy apple.

She had just gotten two new teeth, and another one was loose, so she could only chew with the other side with difficulty. But the candy apple was sweet and crunchy, so a little difficulty wasn’t a big deal.

After a while, her father put her down, he liked a few palace lanterns on the stall, saying that they could be put up, so her mother followed him to choose, and they wrote wishes on them.

Yan Xianchuan obediently stood there, chewing on her candy apple, when suddenly a little boy came over, he looked about the same age as her, he went up and snatched the candy apple from her hand, he shouted to a middle-aged woman behind him, “I want this!”

Yan Xianchuan was a little unhappy, she said in a slow but clear voice, “Give it back to me.”

“No, I want this!” The little boy was very proud, he held the candy apple in front of her and showed it off, he even went up and took a bite.

The woman said, “My little Teng likes you, that’s why he wants your candy apple, otherwise, he wouldn’t want it. It’s been eaten by someone else, it’s dirty.”

Yan Xianchuan shifted her gaze, she looked at the mother and son, their faces were full of flesh, they looked exactly alike. Then she lowered her head and looked at the loose floor tiles, finally, she turned around and tugged on her mother’s sleeve, she said, “Mom, he stole my stuff.”

Her mother lowered her head, she saw her empty hand, then she saw the smug little boy, her beautiful and gentle face instantly turned cold, she said loudly, “Whose child is this, don’t they have parents to watch over them? Why are you stealing other people’s food, where are his parents? How can such a young child come out to play without his parents, did he get lost, call the police!”

As soon as she shouted, everyone around looked over.

The middle-aged woman slumped her face, “What do you mean! I’m his mother, I’m standing right here! If your eyes are bad, get yourself a pair of glasses, I’ve never seen a woman with such a loud voice.”

Her mother said with a smile, “So you’re his mother, I thought you weren’t. Your eyesight is good, didn’t you see your child stealing my daughter’s candy apple? Do you have selective blindness?”

The middle-aged woman shook the fat on her face, she glared at her, “Our little Teng likes her, that’s why he took her food, he wouldn’t want anyone else’s!”

Her father slapped his thigh and shouted, “So the country has introduced a new law, as long as you say you like something, you can rob it! I haven’t paid attention to the news for so long, I didn’t know about such a big thing!”

The adults started arguing, Yan Xianchuan stared at the chubby boy, when he noticed her, she rolled her eyes at him and gave him a thumbs-down gesture.

The two children were short, no one noticed what she did, but the chubby boy’s loud cry as he rushed forward to bump into someone couldn’t be ignored by anyone.

“You want to hit someone, right! Call the police!”

Finally, the police officer who maintained order at the street corner came over, he criticized the mother and son, fined them, and made them compensate and apologize.

Yan Xianchuan deliberately smiled, letting the chubby boy see, he immediately refused, he started to make a fuss again. The police officer saw this, he criticized her again, telling her to discipline her child properly. The woman apologized and smiled, she raised her hand and slapped him.

The onlookers gradually dispersed, leaving only the three of them. Her father said mysteriously, “There’s a big hero today, guess who it is?”

Her mother was very supportive, “Wow! Who is it? Who is it?”

“It’s our little darling, Chuanchuan!” Her father lifted her up, making her look like a little hero, she received her parents’ cheers.

Her mother put an ice cream cone in her hand and touched her head, “Chuanchuan was great today, you did something very right, here’s an ice cream cone as a reward.”

Yan Xianchuan quickly finished it, she wasn’t full, she wanted another one.

“No, you can’t.” Her mother said gently, “You can’t eat too much sweets, it will give you cavities. But if you want to eat, there’s a way.”

She changed her tone and said, “Didn’t we teach Chuanchuan a lot of things before? To test if you remember them all, if you’ve put them into practice, from today onwards, we’ll set a rule.”

“If you control your temper and do something according to what your mom and dad taught you, you’ll get a reward.”

“An ice cream cone?” Yan Xianchuan blinked.

“Yes!” Her mother said decisively.

“Cake?” Yan Xianchuan said again.

“You can have both!” Her mother said seriously, “But you can’t lie, lying is wrong.”

…

The night wind blew the tassels under the palace lantern, a night runner with a golden-brown long-haired dog ran past Yan Xianchuan, the dog wagged its tail happily, its gaze was fixed on its owner.

She slowly ate the last piece of egg roll skin, she muttered to herself, “Good job, keep it up.”

She sat on the wooden chair for a while before she got up and went back to her room, she lay back on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day, she woke up naturally, then she went downstairs to have breakfast.

Lu Mingqiu was doing stretches in the living room, when she saw her come downstairs, she smiled and said, “Good morning. Wait a minute, I’ll order breakfast, is there anything you want to eat?”

Yan Xianchuan shook her head, “No, you can order whatever you want.”

“Then let’s have wontons.” Lu Mingqiu said, she put down her leg, which had been stretched over her head, and sent a message to the restaurant.

She was only wearing a sports bra and leggings, she must have been doing morning exercises for a long time, her temples were a little damp, and a few strands of hair were stuck to her face.

“I’m going to take a shower.” She said.

Yan Xianchuan watched her go upstairs, her gaze followed her from head to toe, finally stopping at her slender ankles.

The breakfast arrived quickly, it felt like Lu Mingqiu hadn’t been gone long when the doorbell rang, making Yan Xianchuan wonder if the delivery person had been waiting at the door the whole time, waiting for her to call him before knocking.

Two bowls of wontons, four shrimp dumplings, a plate of scallion pancake, a steamer of buns, two cups of soy milk, and five side dishes filled the square dining table.

Lu Mingqiu came downstairs with damp hair, she saw the person sitting at the dining table waiting for her.

“It looks pretty good, I haven’t eaten at this place before, the reviews said it was good.” She pulled out a chair and sat down, she picked up a pair of chopsticks, “Try it, if it’s good, we’ll order from them again tomorrow.”

She started to eat, Yan Xianchuan picked up a spoon, she scooped a wonton into her mouth, the meat filling was salty and fragrant, it was full of juice, the corn was sweet and refreshing, one bite after another, she couldn’t stop.

“There’s something I want to say.” She bit her chopsticks, her gaze was calm.

Lu Mingqiu suddenly felt a bad premonition in her heart.

“I like you.” She said, in a tone of voice as if she was discussing the weather. “I know I have a history of mental illness, you know that too. But what I said is the result of careful consideration and confirmation.”

“This isn’t a whim, it’s not a reaction to a stimulus.”

Silence.

Lu Mingqiu was silent for a while, this scene was much earlier than she had expected.

“I’m sorry, I can’t reciprocate your feelings.” After much deliberation, she finally abandoned the long-winded and euphemistic refusal, she chose the simplest and most straightforward rejection.

She also admitted that this person was special to her, different.

She would even make decisions that put her in unnecessary danger, just to take the other party out for a breath of fresh air. But this was truly in the realm of friendship, she only considered her a friend, and she only had this one friend.

Even if she would develop feelings for her in the future, she didn’t have any love for her now. They had agreed to be honest with each other, she didn’t want to lie to her.

“It’s okay.” Yan Xianchuan was surprisingly calm, “I just had to say it, I’m not forcing you to accept it.”

She lowered her eyes, she swirled the straw in her soy milk cup, her expression was as calm as a pond of still water.

Whether the other party rejected her or accepted her, it should have been a good thing, but she couldn’t be happy.

Lu Mingqiu carefully observed her expression, she thought she was disappointed because she didn’t get a response, she wanted to say something comforting, but then she thought, she had just rejected the other party’s confession, and then she turned around to comfort her, it was too absurd.

What could she say, how could she say it?

Even though Lu Mingqiu thought her EQ was good, she couldn’t think of anything suitable for a while.

They fell into a quiet silence again.

Lu Mingqiu pursed her lips, she awkwardly changed the subject, “Do you want to go shopping at the mall later? Or should we just try on dresses in the fitting room using holographic projection, the effect is no different.”

“Let’s go out.” Yan Xianchuan said softly, “I want to go for a walk.”

“Okay.” Lu Mingqiu said.

The two of them finished their meal, they put away the trash, they were just about to walk out the door when Lu Mingqiu suddenly said, “We don’t need to disguise ourselves this time.”

Yan Xianchuan took her hand off her earring, she used her original appearance and followed her downstairs.

She looked at the other party and said softly, “Can we hold hands then?”

Yesterday, when they held hands, Lu Mingqiu hoped it would bring the other person comfort. She’d suffered, and her perspective had changed. Since they hadn’t explicitly defined their relationship, a little hand-holding seemed acceptable.

Many people on the street walked hand in hand, they were also friends, it didn’t really have any special meaning. It was Yan Xianchuan who had other thoughts, which made the originally normal action inappropriate.

But now that it had been made clear, for the sake of both their feelings and reason, they should keep a little distance. Lu Mingqiu didn’t want to be someone who deceived someone’s feelings.

It was just that she saw the other party’s visible depression, she didn’t know how she could tell that she was feeling pitiful from her expressionless face.

Lu Mingqiu sighed loudly in her heart, she softened and took her hand.