Mental Illness Evolution Manual - Chapter 61

The time they came out wasn’t mealtime, but the restaurant was still crowded. Every table was set with a few bowls of vermicelli, the red oil was steaming, there was a plate of duck dishes, and there were also iced glass bottles of soda.

A couple sat next to them, separated only by a railing. A girl picked up a piece of duck blood from her bowl and insisted that the other person try it, saying that it was delicious with vinegar.

The other girl, with an expression of heroic sacrifice, reluctantly opened her mouth and bit the food on her chopsticks.

“How is it, isn’t it delicious?” The former asked excitedly.

“It’s not delicious.” The latter replied, frowning.

“Why are you still eating it if it’s not delicious, you must be being insincere!”

The girl who was forced to eat vinegar just looked at her nagging lover and gave a helpless smile.

Yan Xianchuan secretly retracted her ears, her gaze fell on the duck blood vermicelli in front of the person opposite her, she suddenly felt that her tongue was a little lonely, and her teeth also wanted to chew something.

She hurriedly picked up her drink cup and quietly nibbled on the straw.

Not long after the waiter brought the main course, he brought over the sliced duck dishes. A separate duck head, two duck feet, a bunch of duck intestines, and several duck tongues, they were neatly arranged in a white porcelain plate, silently demonstrating how humans treat a dead duck.

If ducks could develop civilization, they would surely denounce humans as cruel and terrifying duck-killing maniacs.

Yan Xianchuan put on gloves and happily bit off the soft meat on the duck tongue, it was so spicy that she kept drinking water, she thought absentmindedly: It’s so delicious, if there really is a duck tribe, she would capture the whole tribe and pickle them all.

After dinner, they passed a fast-food restaurant. Lu Mingqiu went in and bought two ice cream cones; they shared them. Hand in hand, they left the snack street and reached the main road where she hailed a taxi.

“Sir, go to Bizhu Garden.”

“Okay, please fasten your seatbelts.” The driver was a middle-aged man wearing a floral shirt, he turned the steering wheel, stepped on the gas, and merged into the traffic.

“Are you two locals or tourists?” He asked enthusiastically.

“We’re tourists, we’re here to visit Yuecheng, are there any scenic spots you recommend?” Lu Mingqiu chatted with the driver with a smile.

“Oh, there are so many!” The driver said happily, “You’ve come to the right place to visit Yuecheng. The most important place to visit is our Yuecheng Museum, it’s the largest museum in the entire Federation, it houses artifacts that are thousands of years old, and there are all kinds of fossils. Then there’s Yaochi, you young people will like it, it’s an amusement park, there’s everything to play.”

“There’s another place you must go to, the Imperial City. Although part of it is private residences that are not open to the public, there’s still a large area that’s open to tourists. I’ve been there twice, it’s so grand!”

“Don’t look at me as just a taxi driver, when I was young, I also liked to travel around, I’ve been to many places. But I still think Yuecheng is the best, our Yuecheng is the most beautiful, and the people are the most enthusiastic.”

“By the way, don’t eat at the Mudan Pavilion chain, it’s a scam, the food is expensive and not delicious, it’s all to cheat tourists from other places. The food is so bad, it’s a shame for our Yuecheng.”

It was clear that he loved the city he lived in and had a strong sense of belonging.

The two of them chatted happily, but Yan Xianchuan didn’t hear a word.

After getting into the car, their hands naturally separated. Yan Xianchuan put her hands on her lap, clasped together, her right thumb pressed against the palm of her left hand, but she couldn’t stop the warmth in her palm from gradually dissipating.

I want to hold hands again… This thought flashed through her mind, but it was like a bolt of lightning exploding, Yan Xianchuan almost panicked and asked herself, What am I thinking?

She clenched her palm, those unusual desires, the greed for intimacy, the unbearable fantasies, were now like bolts of lightning from a clear sky, striking her one after another.

Is this her?

When did she become like this?

Whether it was friendship or love, she had always scoffed at them in the past, hadn’t she? She didn’t want to have a close relationship, she didn’t need emotional ties, they were all burdens, things that only stupid fools would crave.

Wait… Yan Xianchuan’s eyes suddenly glazed over, her pupils were like a spreading circle, revealing the protagonist’s confused state.

Did I, did I just say love…?

She turned her head with a creak, looking at Lu Mingqiu, who was smiling brightly. The latter noticed her gaze, she raised an eyebrow and gave her an inquiring look.

Yan Xianchuan suddenly turned her head, her gaze was unfocused, she looked out the window.

I’m crazy, I’m really crazy. How can the thoughts of a crazy person be trusted? A mentally ill person doesn’t have normal logic!

It was like being thrown from a warm bed into an icy lake in the middle of winter, Yan Xianchuan was about to shiver from the outside in. She racked her brains to recall her diagnosis, what did the doctor say, emotional deficiency, deficiency… which part of her emotions was deficient?

Empathy?

She casually imagined scenes like a child falling down, a disabled person begging, and she was satisfied with her conclusion, okay, she didn’t feel anything.

What about love? Didn’t she get tested for love? Yan Xianchuan nervously gnawed on her fingers.

She would go for a psychological evaluation every year. Her parents would take her and tell her that it was a family checkup, to prevent her from being suspicious and thinking that she was a special group, her parents would also take the evaluation test together, and then they would conclude that everything was normal.

Her parents were normal ordinary people, she was a normal psychopath.

But Yan Xianchuan was indeed very smart. She had long since realized that she was different from her peers and chose to hide this discovery.

According to the principle of equivalent exchange, her parents had poured countless love and effort into her, and she should reciprocate, not letting herself owe them anything.

So, it was only natural for her to play the role of an ordinary person, learning to master the basic rules of society.

This had absolutely nothing to do with family affection, absolutely nothing.

What about love then? What did the doctor say?

Yan Xianchuan went to the bathroom and came back, she heard a few words at the door.

“Her mental state is very stable, she’s the most emotionally stable person I’ve ever met. Usually, most mentally ill patients can’t control their emotions, or rather, they don’t want to control them. He might think someone is annoying, so he slaps them. In more serious cases, he directly kills them. Some people call this a crime of passion.”

“But I don’t think so. These people don’t have the kind of passion that normal people have. He thinks the other person is annoying, he slaps them to shut them up, and killing them has the same effect, it also shuts them up. The results of the two actions are the same. So, a slap and a murder are the same to him, they’re just means to achieve a goal, there’s no fundamental difference between the two. As for whether these two methods violate public order and good customs, it’s not something he considers.”

“But I saw restraint in her. She rationally and intentionally chooses the least socially harmful way to achieve her goals. All of this is thanks to you two.”

“Do these people not feel love? I don’t think so. Family environment has a huge impact on people. What kind of personality a person develops is inseparable from their family.”

“If a family can make a person develop a paranoid, irritable, or depressed and pessimistic personality, turning a good person into a patient, then why can’t a patient be turned into a good person?”

Yan Xianchuan only heard this much. She knocked on the door and went in. The people inside all shut their mouths and changed the topic.

Her mother said that she had gotten first place in the class again, her face was filled with unconcealed pride. The three of them chatted about family matters, like long-lost friends.

As they were leaving, the doctor, wearing warm-toned clothes, had a gentle smile and said to them, “This year too, everything is normal, keep up the good work.”

Yan Xianchuan politely said goodbye to the doctor, she followed her parents out of the room and came to the underground parking lot.

Her father opened the car door, he waited for her and her mother to get in before he got into the driver’s seat, he said excitedly, “Let’s go have a big meal, how about it? Does my little darling want to eat anything?”

…

“Achuan?”

Someone patted her arm. Yan Xianchuan woke up with a start, she turned her head, Lu Mingqiu smiled and said, “It’s time to get off, what were you thinking about? You were so focused.”

She smiled at the driver, “Thank you, Sir, drive safe.”

The driver waved his hand, “You’re welcome, have fun!”

Yan Xianchuan quietly got out of the car, her originally flustered mood had unknowingly calmed down.

“What’s wrong with your hand?” Lu Mingqiu’s eyes narrowed.

Yan Xianchuan lowered her head and saw a circle of teeth marks on her finger, blood was oozing out, the pain came late. She put her finger in her mouth, her tongue rolled up the blood bead, leaving a sweet and bloody taste.

“It’s okay.” She pulled back her finger, only a shiny water mark remained, the blood had disappeared without a trace.

Lu Mingqiu looked at her deeply, as if thousands of words were welling up in her throat, but she didn’t say anything, she took out an alcohol wipe and a roll of gauze from her pocket.

Yan Xianchuan silently extended her hand, and in the end, she received a white bow finger cot.

Bizhu Garden was also a high-end residential area, with an ancient architectural style. As soon as they entered, they walked onto the stone path, on both sides were artificially planted bamboo forests, the wind blew through them, making a rustling sound.

Walking along the stone path, they had to pass an artificial lake first. There were many lotus flowers planted in it, but at this time of year, the lotus flowers had long since withered, leaving only patches of lotus leaves, with carp swimming among them, they were all fat and plump, obviously well-fed.

“The Yan family holds an ancestral worship ceremony every year, it’s a big event.” Lu Mingqiu broke the silence, she said softly, “You need a suitable dress.”

Yan Xianchuan said with resistance, “I don’t want to wear high heels.”

Lu Mingqiu laughed, “You don’t have to, there are many kinds of dresses, not just skirts and high heels. We’ll go back and look at the latest season’s new arrivals, you can pick out a few that are similar.”

“The clothes will be sent back, you need to try them on first, if there’s anything that doesn’t fit, you can have it altered. Don’t worry about that, you just need to pick out clothes you like, the rest will be left to the stylist.”

“But,” she said hesitantly and worriedly, “There are some things you don’t know. Your reputation in the Yan family isn’t very good, you’re very ostracized, so when you go to the ancestral worship ceremony, you’re bound to be subjected to some cold words.”

“I won’t cause trouble.” Yan Xianchuan understood what she meant, she said seriously, “I won’t say a word.”

“And I won’t do anything.” She added, “Really.”

“Okay.” Lu Mingqiu smiled gently, “I believe you. It’s just that you’ll have to endure it, why don’t you think of a gift?”

“Then I’ll have to think carefully.” Yan Xianchuan said, her gaze gently fell on the other party.

Think about the emotions that shouldn’t have appeared, is it my biased speculation, or is it true? Is it the possession triggered by a brief infatuation, or… do I really, really like someone.

What is like?

Is it a long-lasting longing, an invisible bond, or a physical desire, a moment of warmth?

If a person is completely obedient to another person, is that called liking?

After returning to the room, Yan Xianchuan buried herself in the pillow, she typed this question in her confusion, asking the omnipotent search engine, asking the vast number of netizens.

Then she got an answer—This isn’t liking, it’s being a simp, bro!

What’s a simp? She didn’t understand, she looked it up and read softly, “Simp, it means someone who has no feelings for you, but you keep lowering your dignity and trying to get their attention.”

“Nonsense!” She angrily hammered the bed, almost causing irreversible damage to the bed frame, “Nonsense! I’m not a simp!”

“Let me see, the registration address… is it Yulu City, Shanggan District?”