Mental Illness Evolution Manual - Chapter 50

As night fell, Yan Xianchuan took it upon herself to stand watch.

She told Lu Mingqiu to sleep well, not to worry, like a new parent sending their child to school for the first time, she repeated it over and over again, and refused the other party’s request to take over the second half of the night, she happily hugged her blanket and went to the living room.

People change, Lu Mingqiu couldn’t agree more with this statement. Her own thoughts had changed countless times as she grew up, but she keenly realized that the person in front of her was changing too drastically.

Her tone of instruction, the emotions in her eyes, her every move, all made Lu Mingqiu feel a sense of almost fearful unease.

When Yan Xianchuan hadn’t even realized what liking was, Lu Mingqiu, who was well-versed in human hearts, had already discovered it first.

Many people had expressed their love to her. When she was an actress, her fellow actors, and people from various related industries, had all confessed their love to her, but without exception, she had rejected them all.

When she was in the Resistance, without her beauty that could make even the sun pale, there were still people who boldly confessed their love to her. It could be said that Lu Mingqiu’s life had never been without suitors.

But her own attitude towards love was indifferent, even a little annoyed. Literary works often praised love, comparing it to the most precious emotion in the world, it could make iron trees bloom, make stones bear fruit, and make the most ruthless people turn into a pool of sweet water, full of pink bubbles.

Once a person has love, they can overcome all kinds of difficulties, whether it’s the constraints of their inner personality or the chasm of external class, as long as they have the courage given by love, these difficulties are just small puddles in front of adults, they can be easily crossed.

Too exaggerated, too unrealistic.

Is the idealized love depicted in these works so captivating precisely because it’s unattainable in real life?

Lu Mingqiu had never felt its presence in her family life.

Her mother hung her entire being, her whole heart, on her father. She was the perfect mistress cultivated by the family, gentle and considerate, considerate and charming.

She wasn’t a person, she was more like a commodity, an object, a symbol. She had no self, she depended on her owner wholeheartedly, was this love?

Her mother thought it was love, but how much of this distorted emotion came from her own distorted inner personality, she didn’t understand freedom or self, how could she know what love was.

And in Lu Mingqiu’s life, she had never seen any sweet and loving couples, omegas had a deformed life with no choice, but the relatively free betas didn’t seem to have tasted the honey of love either, they only had endless arguments.

Her exclusive makeup artist, during that time, often muttered to herself, her eyes full of confusion and distress.

—He wasn’t like this before, he used to be very good to me, maybe I was also wrong, I don’t understand.

For the sake of a brief period of happiness, she had to endure endless pain and torment in the future. If this was love, then Lu Mingqiu would rather never have anything to do with it.

Her life was full and complete, she was walking on the path to realizing her ideals, for this, she could dedicate her entire life, she didn’t need love to supplement it.

But if it were someone else, she had a thousand ways to refuse them, either subtly or directly, no one would be clingy.

The problem was here, Yan Xianchuan wasn’t someone else, it wasn’t that her status was so special, but she was a special person.

Her personality, her identity, her medical records, all clearly showed that this person had a super-persistent quality, her excessive self-importance made her determined to achieve her goals, she cared more about herself than about other people’s feelings, and this meant that whatever Yan Xianchuan wanted, she had to get.

Now, although she hadn’t realized her feelings yet, she would understand sooner or later. When that time came, how would Lu Mingqiu deal with it?

They were together every day, they were roommates, they saw each other all the time, it was already difficult enough to turn the page on what happened last time.

Lu Mingqiu didn’t want to think about what it would be like when she said the words of rejection.

She wasn’t interested in love, but she also knew that the one who fell in love first, even the simple act of confessing, was holding their heart in their hands, taking the risk of being hurt, and accepting any outcome that might come. The courage it took was undoubtedly enormous.

Although she wouldn’t accept it, she wouldn’t drag things out and waste other people’s feelings, she wouldn’t be smug and enjoy being pursued, she would always refuse decisively, leaving no room for hope.

So, although she was inevitably sad when she received the bad news, it was better than a continuous dull pain.

If she could, she didn’t want to hurt the other person.

Lu Mingqiu sighed silently and pulled the blanket up. The warmth that Yan Xianchuan had left when she tucked the blanket in seemed to still linger on it, it was transmitted to her heart through her fingertips.

She turned over and calmly realized that this was just an illusion she had created in her mind.

…

Walnut Town had no light pollution, she could clearly see the stars hanging in the night sky, a Milky Way stretched across it, as if the painter had forgotten to blend the colors when he was painting, causing the sequins to be piled up close together, winding into a silver river.

The clock hands jumped to twelve o’clock, the sparrow drone, according to its simulated habits, hid to sleep, without eyes, Yan Xianchuan secretly took a knife and cut open the curtains, she looked out through the gaps in the fabric.

It wasn’t that she was deliberately doing this, it was that all the curtains in the room were nailed to the wall, they couldn’t be pulled, unless she pulled out all the nails.

It was almost the fifteenth, the moon was getting rounder, it was like an oval egg white, hanging high in the night sky, casting a silvery glow.

Using this faint light, Yan Xianchuan peeked at the world outside. The thin light didn’t hinder her, her pupils dilated, they were almost merging with her irises, greedily grabbing every ray of light, making the buildings in the night as clear as day.

She sat on the blanket, using it as a soft cushion. Yan Xianchuan wasn’t going to sleep tonight.

She observed for a while, then she couldn’t help but daydream, and when she daydreamed, she couldn’t help but think about Lu Mingqiu.

She wondered if she was sleeping, what kind of dream she was having. She thought about the way she covered herself with the blanket, her eyes were closed, her eyelashes were particularly distinct. She thought about her rosy cheeks, her soft lips, kissing and biting didn’t feel the same, Yan Xianchuan’s tongue moved restlessly in her mouth, then it was pinched by her teeth, before it finally settled down.

The quiet night was the best time for divergent thinking, this wasn’t the first time she had thought back, and it wouldn’t be the last. At first, she would blush, she would feel guilty, she would despise herself for her insatiable appetite, later, she began to reminisce, she began to chew over the details in her memories, she savored every frown, every muffled groan.

She remembered the feeling of her sweaty skin, wet and smooth to the touch, she also remembered the rhythm of her heartbeat under her palm, she remembered every word that the other party uttered, whether it was from her nose or her throat, she remembered her eyes, soaked in physiological tears, her seaweed-like long hair.

Stop, stop thinking like this… Yan Xianchuan pulled her gaze away from the bedroom, where it had gone without her knowing, she returned it to the crack in the curtain, trying to use the cold and dead night to extinguish the invisible fire burning in her heart.

The next moment, she was grateful that she had come to her senses in time, a person with elongated limbs was jumping on the roof, like a nimble monkey swinging through the vines.

The dark night was his best cover, he jumped from one building to another, finally stopping on the five-story building in front of Yan Xianchuan, he silently opened the door to the rooftop and went downstairs.

Yan Xianchuan held her breath and listened, she couldn’t hear any noise outside, separated by the building and the street, but she heard a sound behind her.

It was like a multi-legged insect walking on paper, leaving a rustling sound, the faint sound spread upwards from the bottom of the building, it wasn’t one, but a group.

Yan Xianchuan quickly ran to the door, she looked out through the peephole, with a snap, four gray-black claws landed squarely on the lens, a brown-black shadow flicked its tail and crawled past, followed by another.

She suddenly realized the name of this creature—rats, a large number of rats were pouring into the hallway, they were spreading upwards like a tide, they didn’t make a sound, they just ran quietly.

Yan Xianchuan’s face gradually became serious, such an orderly group of rats must have been artificially controlled. She wasn’t worried about herself, even if the rats attacked her, their teeth wouldn’t be able to break through her skin, as long as she had enough weapons, it was only a matter of time before she dealt with the rats.

Lu Mingqiu wasn’t as thick-skinned as she was, she could also easily eliminate the rats with her psionic ability, but the last time this person was attacked by a sonic weapon, she lost her ability to move, Yan Xianchuan still remembered it clearly.

When the rat tide had all run away, Yan Xianchuan immediately rushed to the bedroom, she pushed the sleeping person on the bed awake, “There’s a large group of rats in the hallway, they’ll gnaw through the door, we should move.”

As she spoke, she was about to pull Lu Mingqiu up, she was going to carry her and run, but she was stopped by the other party, who pressed down on her wrist, “Wait, don’t rush, is it just a group of rats? Ordinary ones or mutated ones?”

“Ordinary gray rats.” Yan Xianchuan replied.

“Then what are you panicking about?” Lu Mingqiu said in puzzlement, “I can deal with them, it won’t take much effort. The psionics in Walnut Town aren’t very high level, they can’t hurt us, the real threat is the church that’s hiding.”

“But you’re injured.” Yan Xianchuan had no choice but to let go of her arm, she stood dumbly by the bed, like a student being trained, she muttered softly, “Last time in that building, your injury got worse when you used your psionic ability.”

“No.” A hint of a smile flashed in Lu Mingqiu’s eyes, “That was because my pheromones were in disarray, it was the injury from removing my glands that hadn’t healed yet.”

“I know you’re worried about me, but this injury won’t affect my use of my psionic ability.”

“Okay.” Yan Xianchuan turned her hand over, she repeated, “Okay.”

“I’ll go back to keeping watch.”

“I’ll come with you.” Before the other party could stop her, Lu Mingqiu got out of bed, “I’ve been sleeping for a long time, I need to move around, don’t worry, I’m really much better.”

“You watch the window, I’ll guard the door.” she said, “If anyone tries to break in, call me.”

“Try to spare their lives, but if you can’t, don’t force it.” Lu Mingqiu’s tone was serious, “You have to prioritize your own safety.”