Let Me Be Spoiled - Chapter 65

Xie Yan took a shower and leaned against the bed, mind clear and body relaxed.

He had once thought he would never cross paths with the Feng family again, and had nearly forgotten everything about them.

Feng Ru had been unhinged since childhood, but she always knew why she was losing her mind. She always had a goal, and never did anything for no reason.

Xie Yan could more or less guess why. Perhaps Feng Hong had, by chance, found him again and developed some strange idea of bringing him back. When they were young, Feng Ru had watched him being adopted into the Feng family. Now that she was grown, she wouldn’t sit around and wait for things to happen. She would strike first.

It was only speculation, but if that were really the case, it was laughable.

Xie Yan pulled the blanket over his head, refusing to think about it any longer. Because of immersing himself too deeply in his role lately, his mental state hasn’t been great. Not so bad that he needed sleeping pills, but after a day like this, he lay there for a long time with his eyes closed, unable to fall asleep.

The phone on his nightstand began to vibrate.

He answered—it was Fu Qing.

They were both silent for a while. No one spoke.

Lying under the covers with his cheek pressed against the phone screen, Xie Yan listened to the sound of breathing from the other end. That alone was enough to calm him.

After a long pause, as if he had rejected many other things he wanted to say, Fu Qing finally spoke. “I’m coming over to see you.”

He couldn’t bring himself to comfort Xie Yan, because whether it was the exposure of his background or the leaking of his records, it had all happened because he hadn’t protected him well enough.

It was his fault.

Xie Yan said softly, “Things are a mess here lately, Fu Ge, you’d better not come.”

Fu Qing replied, “It’s fine. This will be resolved soon, don’t worry. It’s my fault.”

Xie Yan seemed to suddenly think of something and lowered his voice. “Fu Ge always tells me to be honest with you. Did you already know about the Feng family? Why didn’t you come clean with me?”

His tone wasn’t much different from usual, but he had never spoken to Fu Qing like this before. It was sharp, almost like an interrogation.

There was a long silence on the other end.

Then Xie Yan heard Fu Qing say a single word, “Yes”, before his own laughter cut him off.

“I was just trying to trick you, Fu Ge. Did you really believe me?”

Fu Qing gave a helpless laugh and shook his head on the other side of the line. “I wasn’t honest with you. I thought I could settle this quickly, that nothing unexpected would happen. Yet now… it turned out like this.”

As soon as the matter broke out, Fu Qing had started investigating and working to resolve it. This time was different—the person behind it knew they had the power to silence ordinary media, so they went straight to mainstream outlets, making it almost impossible to suppress.

And that person had acted brazenly, not even trying to hide their tracks. Fu Qing knew it was Feng Ru, the Feng family’s adopted daughter.

Xie Yan frowned. “They don’t deserve to have you apologizing to them. Honestly, I don’t even remember most of what happened back then.”

He paused. “Even if it hurt, that was ten years ago. Not now.”

Fu Qing understood that if ten-year-old Xie Yan hadn’t been hurt by it, he wouldn’t be saying this now.

For the moment, the Feng family could wait and the leaked file was more urgent. Xie Yan pushed the Feng matter to the back of his mind, but it was something he had to handle personally, to cut ties once and for all.

With that in mind, he told Fu Qing, “I probably won’t be able to go back to Ji’an until my birthday. Fu Ge, help me set up a meeting with Feng Hong for then I’ll tell him face to face. Come with me, okay?”

Fu Qing couldn’t say no.

They talked a little longer. Drowsiness began to creep over Xie Yan, and as he drifted toward sleep, one clear thought remained. He had to comfort Fu Ge, tell him not to worry or blame himself.

He wasn’t used to coaxing people; his words came out clumsy and awkward, far from anything sweet, but they were bluntly sincere. “I don’t care if other people in this world like me or hate me, it has nothing to do with me. As long as I love you and you love me, nothing else really matters.”

He didn’t deliberately soften his tone, but the unhidden affection and love in his words were more than enough to make them gentle, even endearing.

His temper was too hard, and his pride too high, for him to say soft things often. Even after they started dating, his body was more tender than his words.

Fu Qing answered with a quiet “Mm.” 

“I know.”

After all, being comforted by a twenty-year-old boyfriend wasn’t bad at all. It was like biting into a soft piece of candy, sweetness seeping all the way into his heart.

After hanging up the phone, Xie Yan quickly fell asleep, and he dreamed—dreamed of being ten years old again.

At the orphanage, people often came to adopt children. Xie Yan was good-looking and healthy. Normally, it should have been easy for a family to take him home but he had a bad temper, had developed a sense of self early on, and didn’t want to enter a stranger’s household. So even when good families came to pick children, he never volunteered.

Until the summer he turned ten, when someone came asking for him by name.

An aunt from the orphanage led Xie Yan to the man and said politely with a smile, “Mr. Feng, this is Xie Yan, the most handsome child in our orphanage. Are you here to adopt him?”

At ten years old, Xie Yan’s features were already striking, standing out among children his age. Hearing this, he frowned and was about to refuse, but the man cut him off before he could speak.

The man was tall, two heads taller than the orphanage aunt, but he crouched down when he spoke to Xie Yan. He reached out his hand and smiled warmly. “My name is Feng Hong. I’d like to take you home. Would that be okay?”

Xie Yan said nothing, nor did he take the man’s hand.

The aunt gave an awkward smile and explained to Feng Hong, “This child is a little shy, Mr. Feng, please don’t mind.”

Feng Hong waved it off without getting upset. “It’s normal for kids to be shy. No need to force him. I’ll come see him every few days and eventually, he’ll get used to me.”

Over the next month, Feng Hong came to visit nearly every three or four days, always bringing toys and snacks. Xie Yan never played with them or ate them. He gave everything to the staff instead. Feng Hong seemed unaware, and still came the next time.

Once, Feng Hong brought a stick of candied hawthorn and held it out to him with a smile. “I heard this stall’s tanghulu is very popular with kids, so I bought you one. They don’t keep well, why don’t you try it now?”

Xie Yan didn’t like overly sweet pastries or candy, but he took a bite straight from Feng Hong’s hand, chewed without expression, swallowed, and said, “Take me with you.”

Before he left, the usually stern-faced aunt pulled him aside and quietly reminded him, “The Feng family is a good family. It seems Mr. Feng truly cares for you. From now on, rein in your temper and stay there properly. Your days will be better.”

Under the pretense of adoption, Feng Hong brought Xie Yan into the Feng household.

The Feng family was wealthy, but its members were few. Feng Hong’s father, Feng Chu, was rarely home and when he did return once, he silently scrutinized Xie Yan for a long while before saying nothing. Feng Hong’s biological mother had passed away long ago, leaving only a stepmother, who seemed ill and spent her days resting. Rong Yuanyuan, as she was called, seemed to dislike the sight of him. Their first meeting started out fine, but when Feng Hong leaned in and whispered something in her ear, she suddenly screamed and began muttering things no one could understand. After that, Xie Yan rarely saw her again.

There was also the adopted daughter of the Feng family, Feng Ru. They didn’t see each other every day, but whenever she did see him, she smiled. Xie Yan, sensitive to hostility, knew she didn’t like him—perhaps even hated him.

Xie Yan didn’t care about Feng Chu, Feng Ru, or Rong Yuanyuan. He had only agreed to the adoption because of Feng Hong.

At the time, Feng Hong was still in university, usually living in an apartment near campus and only coming home every few days.

Xie Yan lived alone and quietly in the Feng household. Sometimes, when passing the conservatory, he would catch sight of Rong Yuanyuan inside. In those moments, she appeared calm and gentle, dressed in long skirts, like a soft and loving mother, smiling as she talked to Feng Ru, combing her hair, tending to the flowers together.

Now and then, when he saw his reflection in the mirror, Xie Yan would unconsciously think of Rong Yuanyuan, they looked somewhat alike. Until one day, when he accidentally came across a photo of her at eight or nine years old. It wasn’t “somewhat alike” at all. It was almost identical.

Xie Yan wanted to know why.

He pushed open the conservatory door and it was empty. A moment later, someone else came in, not Rong Yuanyuan, but Feng Ru.

Startled, Feng Ru could no longer maintain her usual façade of friendliness. She demanded, “What are you doing here?”

Xie Yan glanced at her and didn’t respond.

Feng Ru suddenly lunged at him like she had gone mad, trying to shove him out. As she pushed, she shouted, “Are you trying to steal my mother? Get out! She’s my mother, this is my home! What are you? The one who stays by Mom’s side is me…”

Though two years younger, Xie Yan easily overpowered her, pinning her against the wall.

While they were struggling, Rong Yuanyuan returned to the conservatory. Feng Ru instantly burst into tears, using Xie Yan’s momentary distraction to shove him away and throw herself into Rong Yuanyuan’s arms. She cried pitifully, “Mom, he bullied me. He hit me, pulled my hair, and wanted to kill me. He’s so scary. Mom, save me.”

Xie Yan lifted his head and stared blankly at Rong Yuanyuan.

Their features were the most alike.

Rong Yuanyuan froze for a moment. She seemed about to say something, but in the end it came out as a scream instead. Crying, she shouted, “Go! Get out! Don’t you dare bully Ruru, don’t bully my daughter—no one can bully her!”

Xie Yan never got to ask the question he had been holding back. The Feng family’s servants politely but firmly escorted him out.

That night, Rong Yuanyuan was suddenly taken ill and sent to a sanatorium, with Feng Ru going along to stay with her.

Alone in his room, Xie Yan decided he must have been mistaken, it was impossible.

Feng Hong rushed back from school because of the incident. He went straight to the sanatorium that night and returned to the Feng house before dawn, crouching at Xie Yan’s bedside to comfort him. “I know it wasn’t Cancan’s fault. Mom’s sick and her mind isn’t well, that’s why she acted that way. It won’t happen again. Cancan is a big boy now, he’ll understand Mom, right?”

He didn’t ask a single extra question, he simply believed him.

With his head lowered, Xie Yan quietly refuted, “My name is Xie Yan, not Cancan.”

At the orphanage, children were named according to the Hundred Family Surnames. When Xie Yan arrived, it happened to be the turn for the surname “Xie.” He was only two years old then, snow-pale and adorable, so they named him Xie Yan.

Feng Hong paused for a moment. “That was your old name. But now you’re part of the Feng family, so of course you need a new one. Isn’t Cancan nice? It means brilliant sunlight, always shining like the stars.”

Xie Yan thought for a while, then nodded. “Then don’t tell anyone else this name. Only you’re allowed to call me that.”

He was only ten at the time. He was mature for his age, stubbornly guarding his inner world, but little by little, Feng Hong began to win him over.

After that incident, the Feng family completely cut off Xie Yan from Rong Yuanyuan. He wasn’t even allowed in the garden anymore.

Feng Hong still lived at school most of the time, coming home once a week. One day, Xie Yan overheard the servants saying Feng Hong had returned early for some reason. He went upstairs to find him, but as he passed an open door, he saw two people inside.

It was Feng Hong and Feng Chu, talking.

Xie Yan had never liked eavesdropping, and this time was no exception, he turned to leave. But then he suddenly heard Feng Chu speak.

“Do you know why Xie Yan went missing when he was two years old?”

He froze in place.

Feng Chu continued, “Because Rong Yuanyuan deliberately made him disappear.”

Feng Hong’s voice came in a hoarse shout. “Impossible! How could Mother do such a thing! She lost Cancan and that’s why her mental state broke down.”

Feng Chu’s tone remained calm. “You were too young back then, so I didn’t tell you the truth. Your birth mother’s death was connected to Rong Yuanyuan. She was pursuing me at the time, and your mother found out. Your mother was already frail and sickly, this sent her into depression, and she died. With a life on her conscience, afraid and guilty, Rong Yuanyuan treated you well out of remorse.”

The room went utterly silent. Outside, Xie Yan stood as still as carved jade, not even blinking.

As if that weren’t enough, Feng Chu went on. “She’s the only daughter of the Rong family. She should have inherited the family business, but she was too soft and weak, unfit to manage it, so Rong Shiheng had to give up on her. After she gave birth to Feng Can, he had a new heir and Feng Can bore the Feng surname. When the time came, Rong Shiheng planned to use his influence to unite the Feng and Rong families under Feng Can. So, to ensure you could inherit in the future, Rong Yuanyuan deliberately made Feng Can disappear. Otherwise, why do you think I never searched for Xie Yan all these years?”

Feng Hong still couldn’t believe it and this nearly overturned the first twenty years of his life.

Feng Chu sighed. “Whether it’s me, Rong Yuanyuan, or even your birth mother buried in the ground, we all did it for your own good. Now you’ve brought Xie Yan back, can you really say you’re doing right by us? Once Rong Shiheng finds out…”

Xie Yan no longer wanted to listen, but he still didn’t leave.

After a long silence, he finally heard Feng Hong say, “Cancan is innocent… Let’s just keep him for now…”

Xie Yan closed his eyes, biting down hard on his lower lip and somehow, he smiled.

As he went downstairs, he thought about how Feng Hong had always wanted him to call him “gege,” but he had never done it. Next time, he told himself. Next time, he would.

But that day, Feng Hong didn’t see him and he went straight back to school.

The next time they met, Feng Hong called him over. Before Xie Yan could say a word, Feng Hong said, “Cancan, Mother’s illness gets worse whenever she sees you. We can’t keep you here anymore. I’ll take you back to the orphanage.”

Xie Yan didn’t speak. He only looked up at Feng Hong, holding his gaze for a long time, long enough to make Feng Hong uneasy, before finally nodding.

The sun that day was scorching. Xie Yan felt dizzy from the heat, and through the haze, he thought, So, he regrets it. He won’t even tell me the truth.

Before leaving, Xie Yan went to the conservatory one last time to see Rong Yuanyuan. In truth, the servants’ attempts to stop him could never have kept him out. He simply hadn’t wanted to come.

Rong Yuanyuan seemed much better. She could care for Feng Ru again, even attend banquets—just not see Xie Yan.

Through the glass, Feng Ru spotted him. She said something to Rong Yuanyuan, then walked over to him, looking smug. “See? You can’t win against me. Did you think gege would protect you forever? He won’t.”

She had been with Rong Yuanyuan since childhood. In her more lucid moments, Rong Yuanyuan would sometimes say things from the heart. By piecing those moments together, Feng Ru had guessed the reason Feng Can went missing, before Feng Hong ever knew. So when she saw his uncharacteristic loss of composure, she could tell he had learned the truth too.

All her years in the Feng family, Feng Ru had lived cautiously, observing every detail to secure her place and her comfort. She knew everyone in the family inside and out, including Feng Hong.

So all she needed was the final straw to break him.

She made up a lie—a lie so pointed that Feng Hong wouldn’t even dare to verify it.

Feng Ru whispered to him, “Grandfather came to see Mom. He looked at Xie Yan several times. I’ve been with Mom all these years, why has he never looked at me?”

Feng Hong did like Xie Yan, so much that he had gone against Feng Chu’s wishes to bring him home. But what did liking matter? The moment it became a threat to himself, that liking was worthless.

This was what Feng Ru was most proud of. Even without a drop of shared blood, she would remain in the Feng family for life, enjoying all of Rong Yuanyuan’s love and wealth.

When Xie Yan finished listening, he only nodded. Carrying the same small schoolbag he had brought with him, he walked out through the Feng family gates.

The dream ended there.

Xie Yan woke up.