I'm A Math Idiot, So What? - Chapter 66

Chapter 66: Do Not Let Passion Run Wild (5)

If only you knew what I’ve been through lately, I thought to myself. I’m a woman with a story now, so a mere confession won’t faze me.

But seriously, you couldn’t have picked a more random spot?

We were both sweating under the scorching sun. Confessing your feelings at a convenience store near the restroom? That’s just tacky. Next time, if you get another chance, let me, the seasoned love guru, teach you a thing or two.

“Let me tell you, I’ve been in love with a woman for years,” Yuan Chongfeng said.

The beginning of this story is so cliché, I thought without a trace of emotion. “Oh.”

“I never had the chance to tell her how I felt before. Then I went abroad and let go of the idea. But when I finished my doctorate and heard news about her, I came back to China without hesitation. I just wanted to be by her side, to make up for the years I’d missed.

“But she’s still hesitant, afraid of societal judgment, afraid of holding me back—” That’s not what I’m worried about. You’re overthinking it, Yuan Chongfeng interrupted. “She’s also worried her son might not want a new father.”

I’d guessed the beginning of the story right, but I never saw that twist coming.

My train of thought derailed amidst Yuan Chongfeng’s plot twist. I stammered, “Son? Who are you talking about?”

Yuan Chongfeng pointed to the gymnasium. “I mean Teacher Fan, the one we were playing with just now.”

To be honest, after a whole game of ping-pong, I barely remembered Teacher Fan. She was utterly unremarkable—the kind of plain face you’d pass on the street every day without a second glance.

Besides, she was so much older than Yuan Chongfeng!

I gulped down several mouthfuls of water to regain my composure before asking, “How did you two meet?”

“She used to be my SAT math tutor.

She was a completely different person in class—passionate, eloquent, a real firebrand. You could say she was the one who led me to pursue mathematics.

If you want to understand her charisma, just sit in on one of her Math Olympiad classes.”

The moment I heard “Math Olympiad,” all curiosity vanished. “No way.”

“Shortly after I came to the States, I saw news of her wedding in the tutoring group chat. For some reason, it hit me hard. In a fit of pique, I even left the group.”

Two years later, when a younger classmate was preparing for the SAT, I found myself thinking of her again. I sent her an email, asking if she was still tutoring students.

She replied promptly, mentioning she was already tutoring students for the Math Olympiad and sharing a story about how one of her exceptionally talented students had amazed her.

Through these exchanges, we gradually rekindled our familiarity.

From then on, I wrote her a postcard every year, updating her on my small academic achievements.

She, in turn, frequently encouraged me to pursue my research ambitions further.

Human fantasies slowly grew with each ordinary interaction. Once I grew accustomed to her presence in my life, I gradually became dissatisfied with our platonic relationship.

Whenever she casually mentioned family trips or offered mentor-like advice on major life decisions, I acted like a resentful spouse.

On one occasion, she called to say she’d be in the US for a business trip the following week with her partner and asked if I’d be free to grab a meal. I inexplicably hung up on her.

It was then I realized that if I continued indulging these feelings, I would eventually lose myself in this torment and drive her to despise me.

So I stopped contacting her so often, and she seemed to notice my withdrawal.

Gradually, we lost touch again.”

At this point, Yuan Chongfeng let out a bitter laugh. “Something that can be explained in a few words… living it out felt like a living hell.

Controlling myself not to contact her was like going through drug withdrawal therapy. I had to cut the phone lines, remove the SIM card and network card, and stuff myself into meeting after meeting, big and small, to numb myself.

After half a year of this, I went to Times Square in New York to watch the ball drop. Surrounded by couples counting down together—3, 2, 1—to welcome the New Year, I felt a sense of calm settle over me on the way back.

I had entered a state of desirelessness and detachment. No longer resentful or feeling wronged, I felt I could accept living out the rest of my life quietly, alone.”

I said, “I just reviewed the timeline you gave me. If I remember correctly, you started working on your Physics PhD during what you call your ‘living hell’ phase, and you completed it last year.”

Yuan Chongfeng replied dismissively, “Yeah, well, you gotta kill time somehow.”

“Whenever I feel a flicker of sympathy for that cliché you’re painting—the down-on-his-luck, pitiful, deeply devoted male literary type—it vanishes the moment I remember this,” I snapped. “So please, drop the ‘plain and simple’ act. You’re not just insulting her; you’re mocking the intelligence of us ordinary folks.”

Yuan Chongfeng shrugged. “After all, forgetting someone is far harder than getting a PhD.”

“Enough!” I snapped, exasperated. “Just get on with your love story.”

“Later, at an academic conference, I met a senior from Taixi. At the reception afterward, she mentioned a string of prominent figures in Taixi’s education circles and casually remarked, ‘It’s a shame Teacher Fan got divorced. Otherwise, she’d practically be considered a Taixi native.’

“That’s when I realized she was single again.

“Do you know that feeling, Lin Meng? It’s like a colorblind person seeing color for the first time in a black-and-white world.

“I thought, Screw the PhD. I called my advisor, booked a flight to Changning, and flew straight back home.”

“How did your advisor let you off so easily?” I asked.

“Are you even paying attention to the main point?” Yuan Chongfeng retorted.

“Aiya, I heard you loud and clear,” I said. “I know you came to Changning for her, not because you saw my comment on Instagram and just felt like coming.”

I brushed off my hands. “Men and their words…” Yuan Chongfeng waved his hand dismissively. “Enough, enough. Since we were kids, you’ve leveraged my good reputation in the neighborhood to force me to lie to your parents countless times. Can’t you let me get away with just one little lie?

Fine, I’ll buy you a big apple.”

“As if anyone’s home doesn’t already have a few kilos of big apples.”

“Got it,” Yuan Chongfeng said. “I’ll get you one with a bite taken out of it.”

“A double PhD like you, holed up here teaching high school students, dealing with parents arguing over seating charts and demanding desk reassignments—you’ve really made something of yourself.

Why don’t you save that money to get married or something?”

Yuan Chongfeng chuckled. “I admit, I haven’t achieved much. She’s now the head of Changning High School’s Competition Team—technically my superior.”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier? If I’d known the person playing basketball today was my superior, I would’ve brought a whole net of fruit with me this morning.”

“Lin Meng, you’re on my side, right?”

I crossed my arms. “Who said that?”

“The moment I saw you missed the main point of what I was saying, I knew I still had a chance.”

“What’s the main point?”

“She’s older than me, and she has a child…”

“If my parents found out, they’d definitely oppose it fiercely.”

“Didn’t the French president marry his former high school teacher, who was 24 years older than him?”

“I think what you need to do now is become president as quickly as possible. As the saying goes, a PhD who doesn’t aspire to be president isn’t a proper teacher.”

“Once you reach the presidential level, I doubt Uncle Yuan would object.”

“Get lost.”

“So, should I get lost now?”

“Wait.”

Yuan Chongfeng said, “Becoming president is out of the question, but I’ve found an ally.”

“Who?”

“Her son, for one. And you, for another.”

“Don’t drag me into this. I’m not touching this. I’m already risking my head by secretly returning to China behind Uncle Yuan’s back. If I help you romance a forty-year-old woman, I’ll lose my head for sure!”

“You’re already a man whose head is as good as gone. What’s one more head to lose? So, are you in or out?”

“Out.”

“If you’re out, I’ll tell your dad about the time you personally released Jiujiu.”

Jiujiu was my dad’s pet bird. In my first year of junior high, I’d been obsessed with melodramatic coming-of-age novels, scouring my life for shackles, fetters, and cages to replicate the suffocating angst of the fragile heroines.

“I couldn’t find it. Seeing Jiujiu’s birdcage, I sent him off to pursue fervent freedom in my stead.”

“You’re utterly shameless, aren’t you? To stoop so low for love, targeting someone else’s family!”

“Just tell me: are you in or out?”

“Out.”

“I heard Fang Congxin started his own company? Let me tell you, I didn’t waste my time in America getting a Physics PhD. Over the past decade, I’ve gotten to know some investors who’ve rung the bell on NASDAQ. They all say they’re not short on capital, just good projects—”

“And good projects need good allies. Come on, lay out your plan. What do you need me to do? For my dear brother, I’m willing to give my all, even die for you.”

Yuan Chongfeng shrugged. “No need to die. I just want you to persuade Auntie and Uncle to talk some sense into my parents.”

“So you’ll be fighting on the front lines while I wage a propaganda war on the home front?”

“You’re as sharp as ever. I bet you could be a presidential advisor.”

I mumbled, “Mom still thinks you’re a top contender.”

“I appreciate Auntie’s good intentions, but I wouldn’t dare. Haven’t you noticed how openly hostile Fang Congxin’s been to me from the start?”

After saying that, he harrumphed. “Don’t tell him about me yet. Let him suffer a few more days.”

“I never thought American burgers would raise you to be such a devious little rascal.”

“I’m still your brother, you know. When a cabbage gets rooted up by a pig, shouldn’t he treat the pig badly?”

“Brother, who do you think is the cabbage and who’s the pig—me or Fang Congxin?”

Yuan Chongfeng patted my head. “In my heart, you’ll always be as precious as the finest Chinese cabbage.”

I rolled my eyes. “Since when has Chinese cabbage ever been precious? Enough with the sweet talk. Save it for your girlfriend.”

When I got back, Fang Congxin snapped, “You were gone so long you could’ve told the whole Classic of Mountains and Seas! Were you gossiping with some fox spirit from Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio again?”

I watched Yuan Chongfeng seamlessly transition into his “tutoring” Fan Qing in English nearby. “I’m keeping a world-shattering secret right now,” I warned. “Don’t push me, or I might accidentally blurt it out and scare you to death.”

Fang Congxin didn’t even lift an eyelid. “I already know. Did he come to you to talk about his thing with Teacher Fan?”

My eyes widened like copper bells. “How did you know?” I asked.

Fang Congxin replied, “You can hide your feelings with your mouth, but not with your eyes.”

“So, you knew all along I liked you?”

His fierce expression instantly softened, melting like spring rain. He tenderly pinched my cheek. “I can’t read your eyes. If you like me, you have to say it—like you just did.”

“That’s a paradox,” I protested. “You just said eyes never lie!”

“You dare argue paradoxes with me?” he teased. “Looks like your recent math studies have gone to your head.”

“Fine,” I relented. “Then I’ll say it again: I really like you.”

“I really like you too,” Fang Congxin replied.

“Objectively speaking,” I countered, “I probably like you a little more.”

Fang Congxin smiled, called me a “fool,” and ended our little contest of affection.

The walk back to school was a bit boring, so I vividly recounted the cheesy lines Yuan Chongfeng had told me to Fang Congxin. Still amused, I commented, “I never would have guessed Brother Fengfeng was such a lovesick puppy.”

“Ten years! Ten years he silently endured in a foreign land, never letting Teacher Fan know. He’s a true Chinese snapping turtle spirit.”

“What snapping turtle spirit? You wouldn’t understand true love.”

I chuckled. “Isn’t it supposed to be like this? ‘Liking is unrestrained, love is restraint,’ right? I get it.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, realization struck. I turned to Fang Congxin, a sour note creeping into my voice. “Wow! This is the first time you’ve ever spoken up for Brother Fengfeng. Seeing him devoted to someone else, your stance suddenly shifts.”

Fang Congxin snorted dismissively, ignoring me.

I stretched languidly. “If Brother Fengfeng ever confessed all those years of pent-up feelings to Teacher Fan, she’d probably be deeply moved, right? Women are emotional creatures—maybe they’d finally get together.”

Fang Congxin slowly braked for the red light, unimpressed. “The feeling of being moved is fleeting. After the initial feeling of being moved fades, such intense feelings could easily become a burden for the other person. It’s like how over-parenting can drive a wedge between parents and children. Unable to bear disappointing the other person, they become trapped between appeasing and avoiding, eventually drifting apart.”

If I were Yuan Chongfeng, I wouldn’t have revealed all the hardships I’d endured, the waiting and the torment, because I didn’t want his pity.

Pure affection lasts the longest, doesn’t it?

By the time Fang Congxin finished, my jaw had dropped open in a perfect “O.”

Who knew this IT guy was also a relationship analyst? His well-reasoned explanations were worthy of a guest expert on a TV show dissecting male-female dynamics!

“So you’re saying relationships need to be balanced to last?” I asked.

“At least the other person needs to feel like it’s balanced, like water finding its level to stay still.”

His rational demeanor remained unwavering, his expression serious.

I scratched my head thoughtfully. “Then was it wrong for me to compete with you earlier about who likes the other more? Is my water level too high? Wait, let me pour some out.”

Fang Congxin’s face softened instantly. He looked at me and smiled. “You’re different. You can like me as much as you want.”

“Why?”

“Because I can always match your intensity. I have an ocean at home.”

He blinked.

For a moment, I didn’t grasp what he meant.

Before I could puzzle it out, Fang Congxin suddenly shifted the conversation to math review, and I promptly dismissed the fragmented bits of our casual conversation from my mind.

MEMO from Fang Congxin: After reading an astronomy book, I realized how incredibly fortunate I am that, in the vastness of the universe, I could meet her, and that she could come to like me. It’s truly something to be deeply grateful for.