I'm A Math Idiot, So What? - Chapter 56

Chapter 56: Keep Your Heart Still (3)

Ke Lu slumped over a pile of Huanggang Example Problems, his head buried in the stack. Even after his sister left, he remained slumped, listless.

“Exam tomorrow?” I asked, flipping through the book.

Huanggang Exam Problems were a nightmare I dreaded.

To me, those pages were more terrifying than ancient runes. I made a show of flipping through them twice, but my body instinctively recoiled from even the pretense. I tossed the book onto the table and crossed my arms, watching him instead.

Ke Lu looked up, his face pale and drawn. “How did you know?”

“Come on,” I said casually. “Anything that can pin someone down to study must be exam-related.” I added, “Want to know how to get out of it?”

Someone cleared their throat behind me. I turned to see Fang Congxin, who had come over from next door, winking frantically, as if afraid I’d corrupt the kid.

Ke Lu, without looking up, muttered, “I’ve tried every trick. None of them work.”

“Have you tried the ‘ruthless destroyer of flowers’ method?” I asked, twirling my pen as I watched him.

Ke Lu shook his head. “What’s that?”

I frowned in disdain. “You haven’t even heard of that method? And you dare treat your elders so casually? Sit up straight when you speak.”

Ke Lu perked up instantly, sitting ramrod straight. “Please explain.”

I set the pen down. “Tomorrow, half an hour before the exam, go to Chongqing Noodle Shop and order their spiciest xiaomian, plus two extra spoonfuls of chili oil. Don’t leave until your lips are as red as your aunt’s period.”

“When you get to class, your forehead will be sweating, and your lips will be swollen and purple. You won’t even need to open your mouth; the teacher will send you straight to the infirmary.”

Fang Congxin lunged forward, clamping a hand over my mouth, and hissed at Ke Lu, “Don’t listen to her nonsense!”

Ugh, if you were going to stop me, you should’ve done it earlier! What’s the point now that I’ve already said it all?

He droned on, “It’s one thing for you to give up on yourself, but why are you spreading a hundred cheating methods to others? What if they fail to get into college? Are you going to arrange a future for them?”

Ke Lu gently pried Fang Congxin’s hand away, his eyes sparkling. “Brother, even if I don’t cheat, I still won’t get into college. This isn’t Big Sister’s fault. I was too busy eating with Grandpa to notice her earlier. What’s your esteemed name, Big Sister?”

Look at her—she was such a radiant flower just moments ago, and now she’s withered from math trauma.

“Easy peasy,” I replied. “Changning Dilraba.”

Ke Lu grinned. “Then I’m Changning Bai Jingting.”

“Greetings, Brother Bai,” I quipped.

“No need for formalities, Big Sister Dili,” he countered.

And just like that, the unique, melodramatic battle signal between two underachievers was instantly activated.

At the summit of the Forbidden City, amid swirling mists and howling gales, Ximen Lin Meng’s snow-white robes billowed in the wind, her raven-black hair whipping like charcoal-dark silk.

The beautiful woman stood with her sword drawn, her eyes gleaming with a sinister glint, awaiting the arrival of the audacious player Ye Gulu, who dared to challenge fate.

Unbeknownst to Ye Gulu, in the Meme World, Ximen Lin Meng reigned supreme—no one dared claim the title of “Number One” while she lived.

“Big Sister Dili, what are your hobbies?”

“Do you like watching TV?”

“I’m obsessed with Temptation of Going Home. I have to see Hong Shixian every night before bed to sleep peacefully.”

“What about you?”

Ye Gulu immediately unsheathed his Rising Sun of the Vile Sword.

“Country Love Story. I can’t even get out of bed in the morning if I don’t see Xie Guangkun’s bald head first.”

Ximen Lin Meng, unwilling to be outdone, retaliated with her Wind-Sent Purple Mist Vile Sword, a weapon even more vile than his.

“Then, Big Sister Dili, what’s your favorite food?”

“Among Michelin-starred restaurants, I adore Shaxian Snacks the most.”

“I have a Shaxian Snacks VIP card. Any time you want to go, just mention my name and get a free cola!”

Ye Gulu sheathed his sword and thrust out a palm strike.

Could this be the legendary Heart-Piercing Melodrama Palm, long lost to the martial world?

“Thanks, but Shaxian Snacks is just so-so.”

“Speaking of Michelin, I’m more into Lanzhou beef noodles.”

“Brother Bai, next time you go, show them my WeChat ID and you’ll get an extra slice of beef.”

Ximen Lin Meng dodged the palm strike, once infamous for its unerring lethality, and retaliated with the Full-of-Hot-Air sect’s signature Brain-Dead Fist.

After two exchanges that ended in a draw, the two master players swiftly plunged into a fierce battle.

“Big Sister, what other hobbies do you have?”

“I’m a Level Ten Honor Roll Member of the Retreat Drum Brigade.”

“My latest award is the Grand Champion of the National Tall Tales Tournament Tour.”

“Work experience?”

“I’ve worked for global Fortune 500 companies. The chicken wings at KFC? Those were my specialty.”

“I’m starting a business, currently researching a project that lets you make calls just by scanning a QR code. Once launched, it’ll pave the way for an IPO. Interested in investing? I’ve calculated a conservative estimate of a 400% return.”

“Big Sister truly lives up to her legendary status in the martial arts world.”

“Few in this world can withstand three strikes of my Brain-Dead Divine Technique.”

“Brother Qianjiang, the younger generation is indeed surpassing the old.”

We each bowed in acknowledgment.

Ke Qiao entered to grab a water glass just before our final showdown. Caught up in the tension, she didn’t leave immediately, instead watching the entire match with Fang Congxin, both wearing expressionless faces.

Ke Qiao whispered to Fang Congxin, “Are those two A-Dai and A-Gua?”

“Probably.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“I’d rather not admit it.”

“Must be tough managing her, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a real head-scratcher.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Same here.”

Ke Qiao picked up her water cup, gave Fang Congxin a sympathetic glance, and drifted away.

Seeing his sister leave, Ke Lu asked me earnestly, “Sis, do you think it’s too late for me to start studying math again in my senior year?”

“It’ll be a bit tough.”

“Why?”

“By then, you’ll be all grown up, and your sister won’t be able to beat you anymore. How will you ever focus on studying?”

Fang Congxin, who had been sitting beside us giving us deadpan looks the whole time, suddenly burst out laughing.

I shot him a glare and said to Ke Lu, “That’s why you should start studying now.”

Ke Lu groaned dramatically, “I’ve seen my sister ace math without even breaking a sweat. Why can’t I do the same? Sis, do you think we’re just naturally dumb?”

I shot him a sideways glance. “If you’re talking about yourself, go ahead. But why drag me into it? I’m plenty smart.”

Ke Lu retorted, “What kind of genius writes a history of pigs? Hey, hey, Sis, I take it back! I was just lamenting the tragedy of us intellectually challenged folks.”

“What makes you say that?” I asked. “Ever heard the story of the man who drew a snake and then added feet?”

“Once upon a time, there was a man named Ma Liang who possessed a magical brush. Anything he painted would come to life.”

Ke Lu interrupted me. “Sis, even I know the story of ‘Adding Legs to a Snake’ and Ma Liang’s magic brush.”

“I don’t think you do,” I replied.

“This Ma Liang had no other hobbies; he was particularly fond of raising snakes, so he painted many of them.

One day, he accidentally added two extra strokes beneath one of the snakes, turning it into a snake with feet.

This snake, different from all the others, became the target of ridicule.

Some snakes would taunt, ‘Look at the cripple!’ while others sneered, ‘It’s so clumsy, it can’t even slither like us!’ Overwhelmed by shame, it would often sneak away to cry alone, but it never gave up, secretly practicing slithering by itself.

But no matter how hard it tried, it couldn’t master the technique. All it could do was scamper awkwardly on its feet, its leg muscles growing stronger and stronger.

When the snakes went out to play, it always lagged behind. By the time it finally arrived home, the others had already finished eating, forcing it to go to bed hungry.”