I'm A Math Idiot, So What? - Chapter 37

In the following days, our tutoring location changed from Starbucks to the Octagonal Pavilion in the park.

We discovered this place while jogging; the pavilion is shaded and well-ventilated, shielding us from the intense sun. It seems to sit at the center of a slope in the park, but since the entire park is elevated, sitting there gives a panoramic view of the surrounding mountains. One can contemplate the universe without being hindered by a trivial problem and questioning life; however, if a series of problems really does lead to such doubts, one can take a leap, resolving their troubles once and for all. In any case, it’s a wonderfully accommodating place.

Moreover, with the warm morning sun and the fragrant grass, it’s easy for people to adopt a more tolerant attitude toward each other’s unreasonable behavior.

For instance, the billing app he installed on my phone is a complete nuisance. As soon as I hit the start button, the screen locks, and I can’t perform any actions—I can only watch the numbers on the app continuously accumulate. Fang Congxin said that for someone like me, who can be distracted by an ant crawling outside the Octagonal Pavilion, this app acts like a radar jamming device, prompting me to act quickly with money before he really gets annoyed and has me pay in installments, starting with an initial amount.

I said, “The agreement states I have to pay every 100 hours.”

He replied, “What I meant is that every 100 hours is the billing base; I didn’t specify when the payment is due.”

I said, “You’re just playing word games.”

He shot back, “Then why don’t you consult my legal team?”

With the pleasant morning sun and the fragrant grass, I held back my frustrations.

Another example is that for every half hour of teaching he does, he makes me spend half an hour on homework. During his break, he plays with a drone on the lawn, chats with landscapers about plant cultivation techniques, and discusses camera usage with a wedding photographer. He even learns to fly a kite from an elderly man. After getting caught up in these activities, he doesn’t have time to check my answers, pulling out his phone to review two questions from yesterday on a whim, shamelessly claiming it’s for me to reinforce my understanding.

I said, “Don’t you think your jumping around attracts my attention even more than the ant crawling past?”

He replied, “Oh, I can’t help it. I apologize for being good-looking.”

Again, with the warm morning sun and the fragrant grass, I held back my annoyance.

Furthermore, Fang Congxin devised a unique punishment system for my mistakes. If I got the same type of question wrong three times, or if I made a mistake on a foundational example problem, I would have to play Rock-Paper-Scissors with him. If I won, I would get to cut my tuition by half for that day; if I lost, I’d earn a chance to enter a punishment lottery. He eagerly asked if I wanted to play.

I played, and so far, my prizes have included doubling my tuition, a standing run in the park, jumping a dance in the middle of the lawn, and confessing to a bride taking wedding photos.He shrugged and said, “I told you before, never go to Macau in this lifetime. How come you never learn from experience?”

Under the warm morning sun and fragrant grass, I held back my feelings.

After my strong protests, he added a “reversal” to the crumpled paper, giving me a chance to return a punishment prize to him. Unfortunately, his luck was too good, and he still hasn’t gotten what he wished for. This has become my main reason for keeping this project and not completely putting him in his place.

An additional reason is that although Fang Congxin has set many rules, he’s not completely rigid. Under my envious gaze, he would wave me over to play with his drone for a while, teaching me how to capture the park’s lake beautifully from the air. When the kite flew high and steady, he would also call me over to pull the string, pretending that I knew how to fly kites too. After getting familiar with the photographer, while the bride and groom were in makeup, he even dragged me over to be a model, casually asking for some photography tips while getting a few beautiful pictures taken of me.

In short, he hasn’t completely lost his humanity.

During these days spent together, the friendship between Fang Congxin and me has grown rapidly, like wild grass in spring. The core of our friendship is best reflected in his allowing me to drive his car. Years ago, he bought himself a car with the first money he earned, treating it as a commemorative gift, and it has been his constant companion these past few years, even driving from Beijing to Changning, making it a precious first love.

As for me, with three years of age, I secretly obtained a driver’s license using my New Year’s money but never had the chance to touch the steering wheel. My parents probably have some post-accident stress disorder; they have never allowed me to touch a car, and I have been itching to drive for a long time. I am really grateful for Fang Congxin’s generosity in sharing his first love with me, and I returned the favor by giving him a gift I bought with the first money I earned. He insisted it wasn’t necessary, but I said there’s no need to be so polite; to which he replied, “Thank you, but I don’t have a habit of wearing lipstick.”

I said, “Really? That’s a pity then.”

And thus, I had to let it go.By the way, Fang Congxin has a quality that is often lacking in his straight male friends, which is that when I’m driving, he sits quietly next to me without making a fuss or giving unsolicited instructions. He just tightly grips the armrest, his eyes firmly shut. This clearly shows how much he trusts my driving skills.

So, when my parents were heading back to Taixi, I strongly insisted on driving them to the airport. At first, they didn’t agree, and Fang Congxin chimed in to support me, but after just a half kilometer, my mom screamed in shock and kicked him out of the car. It’s evident that Fang Congxin trusts me more than my parents do.

With such solid trust as the foundation, I have now included Fang Congxin in my social circle; he is the kind of friend from whom I would give red envelopes if he got married.

Unfortunately, my mom is quite dissatisfied with the current progression of my relationship with Fang Congxin. Although she previously put in effort to create opportunities for us to spend time alone together, she didn’t expect that after our lessons we would each head back home, leaving her no time to interact with him alone. The skills she accumulated from watching idol dramas didn’t come in handy as she had imagined, so she left feeling quite reluctant.

I advised my mom to give up hope sooner rather than later. If there really were to be a youth idol drama starring me and Fang Congxin, I would just be an inconsequential extra in the end credits, mainly working to further the storyline of the leads. I suggested she wait a little longer; perhaps in the next half episode, the female lead would finally make her appearance.

My mom dismissed my words, saying that given our family’s relationship with the Fang family, she could definitely help me secure top-tier resources as the actor who brought investment into the project. She said it would be no problem to use the rules of the industry.

…

After Fang Congxin dropped us off at the airport and went to the restroom, my mom again grabbed my hand and reminded me to keep her updated on my activities with Fang Congxin. If necessary, she could always deliver my household registration book in person.

Meanwhile, I was trying hard to wake someone who was pretending to be asleep.

Me: “Blah blah blah, chit chat.”

My mom: “Not listening, not listening, just a turtle chanting scriptures.”

Me: “Anxious as fire, gesturing and drawing.”

My mom: “Absent-minded, easygoing.”

I pointed at her head and said, “Mom, did you install a signal blocker up here?””Make sure you don’t get stopped during security inspection later,” my mom said, pointing at my head. “As long as you don’t go through security with us, it will be fine. Otherwise, the metal detector will go off.”

“Why is that?”

“Because you’re a bit of a blockhead.”

“……”

I replied, “Mom, you’re just forcing a cow to drink water.”

My mom said, “Xiaomeng, you’re too close to the situation to see it clearly.”

I said, “The real can never pretend to be fake, and the fake can never become real.”

My mom responded, “When the fake appears real, the real becomes fake; when the real is made fake, the fake is also seen as real.”

I said, “Mom, are we preparing for the graduate entrance exam? Come to Changning to study Chinese.”

My mom replied, “No, if I’m going to study, it has to be at a prestigious university like the one my son-in-law attends. If Peking University isn’t an option, you’d better find me something with Siberian standards.”

I: …

My mom continued, “Alright, we two annoying old folks are leaving now. From here on out, you two can be home alone together.”

I: …

After my parents left, Fang Congxin and I moved our tutoring sessions indoors instead of outdoors, which marked the beginning of a relentless, shameless (crossed out), endless tutorship life.

As we got more comfortable with each other, Fang Congxin dropped his healthy and positive persona, agreeing with my idea that it’s better for health to sleep early and rise early but to enjoy good moods by sleeping late and waking late. So, he switched our morning runs to night runs.

The agreement stated that I would provide high-quality meals during our tutoring sessions, so he shamelessly showed up at my house right before lunchtime every day, flipping through various takeout menus on his app, demanding that I follow his orders. Even though math wasn’t my strong suit, and my chances of securing graduate study were shaky, I was not at the point of going to a culinary school if I couldn’t pass my exams.

So after two days, I proudly decided to go on strike. Fang Congxin then proposed to rebate 10% of the tuition fees for each meal. I thought, nowadays, it’s not easy for liberal arts graduates to find jobs. In a series of romance novels I read recently, the female lead memorized Tang poetry at three, Song lyrics at five, started writing poetry at ten, and was accepted to Harvard to study literature at fifteen.

In the end, she returned home to work as a president’s secretary, was summoned around by the president, and still had to stay up late modifying documents. The difficulties in employment for liberal arts students can be seen. I thought if I could cook, it would give me more options after graduation. So I set aside my pride and collected the money to cook as requested.

Later, the National Day holiday came. I originally planned to go out with Xu Zheng during my last undergraduate National Day holiday, but Fang Congxin flipped through the calendar and admonished me, saying I was in a dire situation and still had the mind to go out for fun. He added that if I wanted to date, I could do that however I wanted after the exams.

I was struck by the familiarity of his words; it seemed our homeroom teacher’s catchphrase before the college entrance exam was similar. I said absentmindedly, “I heard you were quite busy at work before. Aren’t you tired of staying at my house every day now?”

The response I got was Fang Congxin announcing the “exam.”

Fang Congxin and his dad really are cut from the same cloth; they both enjoy surprise attacks.

Then I got a score of 59.

I said, “How could you possibly determine a score of 59 from just three questions?”He carefully analyzed the scores for each step for me. I was never good with numbers, so I got a bit lost listening to him. Then he looked at me meaningfully and asked, “If you were to score 59 on the real exam, would you regret wasting your time now? Would you feel ashamed for being so unproductive?”

I replied, “As a person like Paul *Korchagin*, I have no ambition, and I don’t regret or feel ashamed.”

He then said, “If you don’t reach 60 points, there won’t be any discount.”

I pointed to the liquid on my cheek and said, “Oh, look, this is the water from West Lake, tears of regret.”

He said, “Can you stop trying to save money by not using the air conditioning on this sauna-like day?”

I answered, “Isn’t that saving money? That’s called being environmentally friendly. Saving one kilowatt hour of electricity each day can save a tree. The fate of the Amazon Forest may depend on me.”

He replied, “Then I’ll pay the electricity bill.”

I said, “Here, take the air conditioner remote.”

He added, “But what about the forest?”

I replied, “If you, a lush tree, stand in front of me, I’d gladly give up an entire forest!”

After friendly negotiations, Fang Congxin agreed to my terms: the small test would be best two out of three, on the condition that I wouldn’t daydream about going out to have fun with others anymore.

I felt relieved that he was amenable, which meant there would be future opportunities for more games with different winning conditions—like five out of seven, or seven out of nine. Anyway, I was absolutely not going to pay the full price!

During the National Day holiday, Fang Congxin practically moved into my house.

He said that my current progress was much slower than he had expected, and that he might be quite busy later, so learning more now would make things easier in the future.

I said, “Fine, but what does it mean that you’re sleeping on my couch?”

He responded, “I have to go home late at night to finish some work; is it okay if I take a nap while you do your exercises? I didn’t say I’d sleep in your bed.”I crossed my arms over my chest; that was another price!

He said, “Why are you such a rogue? I sell my skills, not my body.”

I chuckled a bit and, after he playfully pushed my head, I went back to work.

After two days, Fang Congxin could no longer resist my charms—no, he couldn’t resist the narrow couch in my house—and rolled into the room to nap on the long window sill.

And each time he woke up, he would pull out cash from his pocket and actually pay me the extra price.

I took the money with a teasing grin, saying, “Come again next time!”

At first, Fang Congxin couldn’t handle my thick skin; his expression was a bit awkward. But later, he completely loosened up and indulged in my antics, dressing formally and grandly declaring, “I’m reserving this room. You’re not allowed to let Qingqing entertain anyone else.”

Qingqing was my dinosaur plush toy placed on the window sill.

Everyone has an Oscar dream in their heart; I believe that with time, he will surely rise from the ashes and transform into a Fang Congxin that no one recognizes.

With all the learning and playing, the seven-day holiday came to an end. Throughout, Fang Congxin never mentioned anything about my hand again. He wouldn’t intentionally look at my hand, nor would he avoid looking at it; even when joking, he treated me like just another ordinary person.

I was, after all, just an ordinary person. I really liked his style of doing things and quietly upgraded him in my heart to a very important friend. If he were to get married, I wouldn’t only give him a big red envelope but could also dress as a man to be his Best Man and help him fend off drinks—if he needed one.

On the last day, he brought a big bag to my house, clattering around while he rummaged through it. His achievements were quite impressive.

First, he installed a camera at the side of my desk, which also served as a dining table. Not only could he supervise me at all times, but I was also required to report my reading data to him daily.

Naturally, I objected strongly, saying that this gadget invaded my privacy.

He turned on the camera to show me, and the lens could only capture the cluttered desk area.Moreover, the camera doesn’t capture sound, and I can unilaterally turn off the video.

I reluctantly agreed.

Secondly, he installed a facial recognition device on my door. As long as it recognized my face, the door would emit an ear-splitting sound—a noise that could be heard throughout the whole corridor: “Did you study math today?”

I would have to respond in a loud and clear voice with “I did” before the door would open.

Of course, I disagreed with such a juvenile approach.

He said there was another option available. He could make the recognition device mechanically ask, “Who is the most beautiful woman in the world?” and after I shouted “Me!” at the top of my lungs, the door would also open.

I told him that while I appreciated his view of me and recognized his excellent taste, I didn’t want to be perceived as a mental patient by the neighbors.

He retorted, “Aren’t you booked for a bed in a mental hospital? What are you afraid of?”

I really wanted to hit him. If he ever got married, I absolutely would not be his Best Man!

At least that last bit was reasonable. He integrated all the remotes in my house into a smart home system. From now on, I would no longer have to bend over and search for the remote control at home, but accordingly, if I didn’t submit my homework on time or if the quality of my work fell below expectations, Fang Congxin would have the authority to remotely turn off my TV and air conditioning.

After I agreed, he remarked sentimentally that the reason our country’s internet economy developed faster than America’s was because our privacy rights could be more easily bypassed.

Let’s add this line to my tombstone: In this world, you can provoke gangsters, you can provoke loan sharks, but absolutely do not provoke a tech guy.