I'm A Math Idiot, So What? - Chapter 35

Before I knew it, it was past ten o’clock, and my mom sent several WeChat messages sneakily. Since I was rarely this focused on studying, I ignored her. Little did I know, Fang Congxin’s phone started beeping as well.

I looked at him warily and asked, “Did my mom add you on WeChat?”

Fang Congxin showed me his phone, saying, “Auntie created a group.”

When I leaned in to take a look, I saw a group called “Fang Lin 18.”

I felt a wave of annoyance wash over me, and before I could react, my mom’s call was directly connected to Fang Congxin. They muttered a few words, and then Fang Congxin patted my shoulder and said, “Time to go back and eat.”

“Where are we going back to?”

“Back to your house.”

“Aren’t you afraid my mom will eat you?” I waved my hand dismissively. “Never mind, never mind. She’ll be gone in a couple of days anyway, so let her be happy for now.”

As Fang Congxin and I staggered under the blazing sun towards home, I spotted my mom from a distance on the seventh-floor balcony, waving to us: “Xiao Fang~ Xiao Fang~ What do you want to eat—”

I covered my face with both hands, pretending not to recognize that elderly woman standing high up and called out to Fang Congxin to hide inside the building.

Once we got home, my mom welcomed us out just like Wang Xifeng would.

I hurriedly snuck into the bathroom to have a moment of peace, only to hear my mom’s loud voice breaking through layers of glass doors, reaching my ears: “What does Xiao Fang like to eat? Does he prefer meat or vegetables? Does he like spicy food? What about scallions, ginger, or garlic? There aren’t any ingredients here, but when you go back to Taixi, Auntie will cook you some hometown dishes.”

Seriously, doesn’t she know who prepares the meals at home? My dad is on a business trip for a week, and I’ve been eating takeout and instant noodles for a week. Does my mom really not feel guilty at all?

“How’s the air quality in Beijing now? Is it still dry? Auntie can make lemon syrup that’s good for the lungs; I’ll make you two bottles when you come back.”

Get a taste of my mom’s homemade “Five Poison Ointment,” feel invigorated after a sip, and if you can drink it all in one go, then I lose, right?

“Is running a company tiring for Congxin? You can’t keep burning the midnight oil! Do you have any discomfort in your shoulders or neck? I’ve bought a shoulder and neck therapy device before; I can get you one too, just to be safe.”

Ha, that three-no product exposed during the 315 gala; after it was exposed, my mom went to the factory and argued with a hundred people, getting compensation for five units. Three years have passed, and she still hasn’t distributed them all. Meeting is destiny, so here, let me give you two units; is that enough?

I came out of the bathroom and took a quick step back into the kitchen.The kitchen was small, and as soon as I entered, it was packed. I squeezed next to my dad, watching him struggle to open a large plastic bag.

“What is this?” I asked curiously.

My dad elbowed me sharply, “Shh, keep your voice down.”

Then, he pulled out one food container after another, looking shifty as he said, “These are home-style dishes from Fushou Palace nearby. Your mom says my cooking is too oily and salty, and she also mentioned that Fang Congxin has a sensitive stomach and can’t handle my food.”

“Dad, usually you’re so noble and upright; how could you help my mom cheat like this? Sigh, my mom is going to build her image as the ideal wife and mother in front of others again. Let me tell you, the only image that will never crumble is one of being lazy and enjoying good food. Everything else can’t withstand the test of time.”

“Don’t say that about your mom. Early this morning, she took ingredients from home to Fushou Palace to oversee and let the chef prepare them; she did show sincere effort.”

“What have I said?” I popped a piece of sweet and sour pork into my mouth. “Maybe Fang Congxin has someone he likes; it’s so awkward with my mom being this way.”

“Who is it?” My dad paused and looked at me. “Isn’t it you?”

Pfft, I spat out the rib, “Dad, you’re a top-level teacher, and in just a few days, my mom has brainwashed you.”

My dad put his chopsticks down, “No, wait. Teacher Feng said Fang Congxin has never taken such a long break at home; even when he was busy and had stomach bleeding, he never really rested. This time, he just took leave for you. We thought—”

I started to cough awkwardly, “Dad, this is a long story, and there are some historical reasons behind it. Plus, it’s not necessarily that he took leave just to tutor me, right? What am I capable of?”

“You see, you start to feel insecure at crucial moments. Can your mom not be anxious? Listen, what’s at stake isn’t that serious—” my dad said in a low voice.

“Dad! Who said this was a big deal?”

My dad sighed, “Your mom takes it seriously; otherwise, she wouldn’t be so anxious. You know how much she cares about this.”

Before I could respond, my mom shouted from outside, “Xiaomeng, what are you whispering in the kitchen? Hurry out and chat with Xiao Fang.”

I stepped out of the kitchen, my face blank, unable to comprehend my mom’s current exuberance, “Mom, I’ve already chatted with him all morning; if we talk more, my mouth is going to get sores.”

“What have you talked about?” My mom asked loudly.

“We talked about vector groups, equivalent and similar matrices, and matrix congruence. Do you want to hear more?”

My mom laughed as she poured cold tea for Fang Congxin, ignoring my comment: “Don’t be fooled by Xiaomeng’s deadpan look; she has always been very popular since she was little. That’s a lot of peach blossom debts!”“Xiaomeng, isn’t there a boy with thick eyebrows and big eyes from middle school who waits for you downstairs at six every morning when it’s still dawn?”
“Mom, that’s Li Qi. He waits there every morning to copy my homework. That year, our math teacher was particularly strict; if you turned in your homework a minute late, you had to stand for the entire class. Li Qi gets up that early purely out of a strong survival instinct.”
“And in the summer after your second year of high school, you were secretly hiding in your room to take phone calls. Whenever I walked in, you quickly hung up, thinking I didn’t know, huh?” Oh, I remember that too; I was helping Tao Jingjing come up with ideas for writing love letters.
“Apart from these few, there’s also Fengfeng, your childhood friend, who used to live in that old house and had a really good relationship with our Linlin. He’s studying abroad now, so we can’t meet up, but he calls me during the holidays. Oh, and he goes to a prestigious school, that—what’s it called?—that Siberian University—”
“Mom, that’s the University of California, Berkeley. He’s six years older than me; how can we be childhood sweethearts? Don’t say things like that.”
“What’s wrong with being six years older? Hey, what is he studying again?”
“Applied mathematics.”
“Right, you have a good memory.”
“He’s probably about to graduate from his master’s soon, right?”
“Mom, what do you talk about on the phone every year? He’s almost finished his dual doctorate.”
My dad came out of the kitchen with a plate of cold dishes and joined the conversation: “Old Yuan mentioned to me last time that he’s indeed close to finishing, and several universities in China have reached out to him, so he’s probably coming back to work. It’s been years since I’ve seen him; I wonder what he looks like now.”
I was relieved to see the topic successfully shift from my mom’s hunger marketing to chatting about family matters, so I opened a game of casual puzzles and casually said, “Still the same, a nearly thirty-year-old with a baby face.”
My mom poked her head out: “Have you two secretly met?”
“We just chat on Instagram.”
“What’s Instagram?”
“It’s a foreign social media app.”
“Oh, why does this foreign app have a name in northeast dialect? So you know each other. What else do you usually talk about?”
“Sometimes we discuss our studies. I decided to pursue my graduate studies after discussing it with him.” As I wiped out a bunch of yellow chicks on the screen, I said indifferently.
“Besides studying, what else do you talk about?” My mom looked at me eagerly.
Huh? I silently lifted my head from the puzzle game and happened to see Fang Congxin looking at my mom too.
My mom, who is always on the fence, just a moment ago was trying to showcase my supposedly thriving dating market to Fang Congxin and now, upon hearing there might be a new opportunity, immediately switched to showing concern for someone else in front of him.
Even if he’s not interested in me, he still has a sense of vanity! This is quite rude!
I put away my phone and said seriously, “Not much.”
“Does he have a girlfriend?”
Here it comes again. I rolled my eyes: “Mom—”
My mom’s eyes darted between me and Fang Congxin: “Hey, what are you doing? If he doesn’t have one, I can introduce him to someone.””Many of the students your dad sent out a few years ago are also single. If they’re in the same place, you could introduce them to each other on Instagram. If it really leads to a successful match, don’t you think Uncle Yuan should give me a big red envelope?”

Fang Congxin chimed in, “I know a pretty good senior sister. Auntie, if your matchmaking service opens up, don’t forget to let me know.”

My mom’s face instantly brightened like a blooming sunflower: “No problem, no problem. By the way, Xiao Fang, I heard from Teacher Feng that you’re also single, but you young people don’t like to tell the truth to adults. Do you really not have a girlfriend or are you just pretending?”

“Auntie, I’ve been so busy these past few years; where would I find the time to look for a girlfriend?” Fang Congxin glanced at me with a guilty look while pouring himself some cool tea.

“Well, if you squeeze a bit of time, you can always make some. Look, you’ve just squeezed out a long holiday. Why don’t you tell Auntie what kind you like? I’ll keep an eye out for you.” My mom had a sly grin.

“Mom—what age are we in?” I thought, wondering how this topic had circled around back again after some effort to divert it.

Fang Congxin shot me a glance and said, “I don’t have any requirements; as long as she’s a girl, that’s fine.”

My mom immediately decided, “Got it, I’ll help you look for one.”

“Thank you, Auntie.”

“You’re welcome.”

I: …….

There’s no doubt about it; my status in my family is the lowest. In my hometown of Taixi, when the three of us eat together, my parents sit facing the television while I sit with my back to it. That spot is convenient for coming and going, and whenever my mom stretches her hand out, I have to run to the kitchen to bring her some seasoning or soup or whatever she needs, like a royal servant.

So I call that spot the maid’s seat and refer to myself as a court lady serving meals, since one must lower their head under the roof of others, and it’s only right to provide service when living in someone else’s house.

But this is my rented apartment! This is the table I bought! Why is it that at mealtime, you both sit in clean IKEA chairs while I am on a shabby, one-legged plastic stool dragged over from the balcony flower rack!

Why do each of you have a crystal-clear wine glass, while I’m left with a plastic cup that says “Changning University Information Management Center” on it!

Why do you both have rich and fragrant red wine in your goblets, while my plastic cup has fizzy, bubbling Pepsi in it!

Mom, don’t I deserve one of those new wine glasses you just bought from Changning Vientiane City? Dad, don’t I deserve the aged wine you bought from a famous winemaker in Italy?After being a servant for a lifetime, finally waiting for a newcomer, shouldn’t I at least be upgraded to a dining lady? Why am I still at the very bottom of the pyramid, at the lowest point of the food chain?

This is too much!

“How many glasses are there in a set?” I asked sharply.

“Four.”

“Then what about my glass? Do I not deserve to have some silicon dioxide?” I slammed the table and stood up to rummage through the glasses. My mom followed behind, repeatedly saying, “Be careful! If you break that glass, I don’t care whether you deserve silicon dioxide or not, but I’ll make sure you turn into a turtle hiding its head.”

Fang Congxin, who had just taken a bite of the chrysanthemum greens, almost spat it out on the spot.

I glared at him and forcefully placed the glass I had turned over onto the table, pointing at the red wine and said, “I also want that Italian stuff.”

“You’ve grown up eating Italian food; what are you still quibbling about concerning Italy? Just settle down already,” my mom said, looking painfully at my cup.

“What did I eat?”

“Pizza! So old-fashioned!”

Fang Congxin laughed even harder, shaking his back.

I kicked him under the table for joyfully watching, and he couldn’t hold back and burst into laughter.

Stop laughing! Be careful not to get frown lines!

Once my mom saw Fang Congxin laughing, she beamed with joy like she had found money, and she wanted to make a toast again. Fang Congxin, quite skilled in this situation, picked up the red wine to pour it. I leaned my cup over and beckoned him to pour a bit for me, flattering him to do so.

He skillfully twisted the bottle and perfectly avoided me.

What’s wrong with this? I, a legitimate daughter officially registered in the Lin family household, actually have to look at the expression of an outsider!

My mom, finally showing a bit of conscience, waved her hand: “Oh, I’m happy today as a mom; I’ll allow you to drink.”

My dad immediately intervened: “One drunken person in the house is enough for me to handle. I can’t manage two.”

I remembered my mom used to avoid alcohol completely. From what my dad said, it seems my mom now drinks a little at home; having been away for so many years, I didn’t even know when she developed that habit.My mom waved her hand and said, “Now that we have Xiao Fang here, it’s fine, go ahead and drink.”
I quickly raised my cup with both hands and looked hopefully at Fang Congxin.
Fang Congxin smiled at me and, this time, he obediently poured a little for me.
Once the seal was broken, it became much easier for me to ask for more wine later, and I followed along, gradually drinking with everyone.