I'm A Math Idiot, So What? - Chapter 30

Ever since I learned that my mom was coming to Changning, for reasons well known, my habit of cleaning abruptly ceased, and the state of my apartment reached its lowest point in history. When my mom returned to my apartment, she jumped around helping me tidy up until midnight, scolding me as she shoved my things aside, saying that whoever married me would be doomed to misfortune.

Speaking of “marriage,” my mom seemed to be flipped on like a switch, teasing me with a smirk about whether I was in a romantic phase with Fang Congxin. She claimed that during lunch, we exchanged glances and when we suddenly went quiet for half the day, she’d already sensed something was off.

I was still immersed in the sorrow of my failed attempt to drop the course and couldn’t be bothered to refute her. I buried my face in the couch pillows and stuck my ears with them, wallowing in my desolation.

My mom, mopping the floor, exclaimed loudly, “That Fang Congxin looks just like your Uncle Fang Rui did back in the day. Lin Meng, the dream your mother didn’t fulfill, you should help me realize it.”

I peeked through the gap in the pillows at my dad, who was tightening the screws on the window on the balcony, and silently sang a line to him: “Love is a light, glowing green,” before sinking back into my gloom.

Then my mom maniacally went on, babbling beside me about some things regarding Fang Congxin, probably gossip she had dug up with Teacher Feng.

For example, Fang Congxin lost his mother when he was young.

I stiffened slightly and lifted half my head, asking, “When did that happen?”

“Fang Congxin was sixteen years old at the time.”

“Sixteen—that’s not exactly ‘when he was young’—”

“Hey, Lin Meng, how do you lack empathy like this? Think about it: when Fang Congxin was in his formative years, not having his mother to rely on, how easily could he have gone down the wrong path?”

“Mom, when I was in my formative years, you were out playing cards every day without a clue when you’d be back. I even made up a little song. How did it go? My good mom, you come home after playing cards, having played mahjong all day. How was your luck, mom? Mommy, please sit down, mommy, please sit down, have a cup of tea. Give me some money, please, give me some money, my good mom.” After finishing the song, I looked up at her and said, “It wasn’t easy for me not to turn into a little delinquent, either.”

Under my mom’s glare, I quickly changed my tune: “Better than nothing! Having a mom is definitely better than not having one! I completely sympathize with Fang Congxin! I will be especially good to Fang Congxin!”

At this point, my mom simply put down the mop and sat beside me. “I think your reasoning is quite right. Not having a mother since childhood must mean you’re missing love. You should be more proactive in pursuing Fang Congxin, just like today, and boldly express it. If you let Fang Congxin tutor you, then seize that opportunity! I’ll tell you, back in the day, I chased after your dad, asking him math questions, and that’s how I won him over.”

“Aren’t you the one who said Dad pursued you?” I raised an eyebrow.“Ah, with love on one side and intention on the other, does it really matter who pursues whom?” She poked my forehead and continued, “Anyway, just keep moving forward along the revolutionary path. Who knows? By the time I come back, he might willingly come to the airport to pick me up.”

I turned over and said languidly, “Mom, don’t tire yourself out. Go to bed early. There’s everything in dreams, you know.”

My rented apartment was just about the size of a palm. To save on hotel costs, my parents slept in the bedroom while I slept on the new two-person sofa in the living room. But the sofa was nowhere near as comfortable as a big bed. As I curled up on the sofa, thinking about how just a few days ago I had bravely declared that I was the master of my fate, it felt even more unfair and ignited my self-pity and rage when the day of dropping the course finally arrived. Counting sheep until three or four in the morning, I couldn’t feel sleepy at all. The ten thousand sheep I counted turned into grass mud horses, galloping wildly across the desert of my heart.

It wasn’t until dawn that I fell into a weary sleep and had a short dream.

As the saying goes, “what you think about during the day will appear in your dreams at night.” Perhaps my obsession was too deep; I dreamt that Brother Sun from the information systems group hacked into the course selection center’s backend database to drop “The Beauty of Mathematics” for me. I was grateful for his favor and vowed to repay him, and in the dream, lively music filled the air as I wore bridal garments and a red headscarf, being led into the bridal chamber by maidservants. However, when the curtain was lifted, sitting next to me wearing a big red silk flower was none other than Fang Congxin. He swiftly pulled out two sets of black and white exam papers from under his bottom and placed them in front of me, saying, “Do the white questions during the day to stay awake, and tackle the black questions at night for a good sleep. My dear, it’s almost the witching hour, so hurry up and finish the black questions first.”

I woke up in a fright.

After waking up, I sat on the windowsill and pondered my dream carefully.

That said, if I really were to pledge myself, could Brother Sun help me hack into the course selection center?

I thought of Brother Sun’s face, which looked like it had been cleared by a tank, and my heart, liver, spleen, lungs, and kidneys all trembled collectively.

If pushed too hard, I could do anything. Well, anything except math.

Then I dazedly fell back asleep. It seemed I had another dream, where Fang Congxin scattered exam papers like Scattering Flowers by a Heavenly Maiden, and I eventually lay down, gradually buried by the papers, until I finally succumbed to eternal rest.

We hadn’t even started classes yet, so why was I having such a bizarre collection of dreams?A bad omen indeed.

Early the next day, as I lay sprawled on the sofa, I was jolted awake by the relentless ring of the doorbell. The house was eerily quiet, and I couldn’t recall when my parents had left.

I glanced at my phone and saw it was a call from my mom: “Hello.”

“Open the door,” my mom said succinctly.

Thinking she must have forgotten her keys, I yawned and went to open the door. The moment I swung it open, my ethereal self quickly rushed back into my body, and my legs almost buckled beneath me.

Dreams really do come true; standing outside was none other than my newly appointed math teacher and “one-night stand” husband, Fang Congxin.

Today, he was dressed to impress, sporting trendy IT attire and Converse shoes, with sunglasses that made him look irresistibly youthful, as if he were about to step directly onto the stage at 101 to dance.

My own outfit was just as suitable for dancing—though more for square dancing.

Fang Congxin lowered his sunglasses slightly, bent down, and helped me up: “Oh, no need to be so respectful. No need for three kneels and nine knocks; let’s keep it simple, let’s keep it simple.”

Mom, are you filming “Twelve Hours of Changning”? Does the schedule really need to be that tight?! It’s just the two of us—male and female—alone together, and you’re not worried I might get carried away with him—looking like a peacock over there?

I glanced at him with concern.

Every young guy should always remember to protect himself when out.

I welcomed him into the house, pulled out a chair for him to sit down, and hurried off to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

After finishing, I noticed it was quiet outside, so I put down my cup and stepped out to find Fang Congxin sitting at the dining table, staring at the small fish tank.

“Clownfish?”

I nodded, pointing to one of the fish hiding among the plants to introduce my friend: “His name is Nemo. Have you seen ‘Finding Nemo’?”

“Oh, the clownfish who lost his mother and was raised alone by his father?”

My hand paused. Did I hit a sore spot?

He contemplated for half a minute: “Clownfish are hermaphroditic. Once Nemo’s mom passes away, his dad will turn female, and it’s quite possible that he would reproduce with the grown-up Nemo; raising them might not be quite right, though.”

“…”

I was speechless and was about to head back to wash my face when my nostrils caught a rich, savory scent. I wrinkled my nose and glanced over to see that Fang Congxin had brought a bowl of satay noodles from the stall downstairs.The stall is said to be run by a pair of newly wealthy individuals who live nearby. Initially, they set up their stand downstairs; after a period of living a rather “empty” life following their sudden wealth, they began selling breakfast again. Just like us returning to the Long March after improving our lives, they seem to remember their struggles and remain true to their original intentions. The sweetness is quite real; the noodles they sell are generous in portion, with plenty of ingredients, and they don’t raise prices as they increase portions. However, the bitterness isn’t sufficient; they only sell for one hour and stop once they’ve sold fifty servings, comparable to a limited edition Hermes in the realm of satay noodles.

Generally speaking, night owls like me can hardly get any.

I slowly shifted my behind onto the chair opposite him, eyes fixed on the noodles with a ravenous glare, and instinctively pulled out a pair of chopsticks and a small plate from the food box on the table.

“Why be so polite if you came over?” Saying that, I reached my chopsticks into the bowl and picked up a beef ball. “Smack!” Another pair of chopsticks pressed down on mine.

“Are you eager to eat?”

I nodded.

“Call me Teacher Fang and let me hear it.” He said with a warm smile.

I withdrew my chopsticks and said seriously, “Asking you to be my tutor was only due to circumstances; I had no choice. You don’t have to take it seriously.”

He looked at me intently and asked, “Why?”

I tossed the question back to him: “Why are you helping me?”

He shrugged, “I told you before; deep down, I have a lot of guilt and must help you recover those lost points. Besides, I promised your parents yesterday, so I can’t go back on my word.”

I waved my hand dismissively, “No need. To be honest, given the difficulty of your father’s classes, whether I have points or not doesn’t make a difference; it’s still a guess. If you really feel guilty towards me, why not help me with something else instead?”

As I spoke, I swiftly stole a shrimp from his bowl with lightning speed.

Feigning ignorance, he asked, “What else?”

“Do you think you could persuade your dad to make the exam true or false questions? If that doesn’t work, how about multiple choice questions? Failing that, could you volunteer to help him craft the exam questions and let me know in advance?”

“No.” He stated firmly.

“Don’t be so decisive in your answer; you’re not just anyone; you’re his own son, surely there’s a way to influence him.” I pried as I peeled the shrimp.

“When I was in college, I was busy with my startup and stretched thin, thinking it would be great if I could squeeze out a bit more time. With that in mind, I chose to attend my dad’s students’ math class. I felt justified skipping the first few classes to work overtime at the company, but not long after, I received an email from one of his students saying that I had been absent for three consecutive weeks and, according to school policy, my attendance points had been completely deducted.”I replied to the email with some arguments, and my dad responded for him. He believed my study attitude was not correct and decided that during the final exam, I would have two more difficult questions than others. Completing them wouldn’t earn me extra points, but failing to do so would cost me points.”

Hearing this made me shiver, and I raised my hands in a respectful gesture, saying, “Your esteemed father truly is a man of integrity, strict and impartial, a ruthless expert at handling familiar faces!”

Fang Congxin looked up at me, “That’s a very accurate summary. Don’t even think about taking shortcuts; with this brain of yours, you should focus on something proper.”

I tossed the shrimp shell aside and eyed another shrimp in his bowl with keen interest. After a while, he picked it out and placed it on my plate.

I said, “In that case, I have one more favor to ask. You mentioned looking into Changning’s mental hospital. If you find anything, could you ask if there are any available beds? If not, then check out the cemetery in the west that sells graves. Tell them I’m looking for ready-to-move-in graves, not those under construction. Just say someone is anxious to be buried and can’t wait. I’ve thought of the epitaph: ‘There are no cars and no math in heaven. Oh, add physical chemistry to that. Lately, God has been particularly keen on finding fault with me, so I need to be more precise with my words—'”

Fang Congxin’s eyes curved up with a smile.

I continued to speak freely about my last words: “After I die, I want to donate my brain for scientists to dissect. Aren’t they studying the differences between Einstein’s brain and an average person’s? Why he was so amazing? Let them also study me as a control group to see why I can’t grasp math. If they figure it out, it might benefit a lot of patients like me. Though I live as humbly as a weed, at least I die as brilliantly as a summer flower.”

Fang Congxin crossed his arms and said, “Hey! Lin Meng, I find that you have quite a bit of drama going on inside.”

This time, I boldly used both hands to grab a beef ball: “Try holding it all in for twelve years. Twelve years, and a fertilized egg is almost ready to grow into someone with reproductive capabilities! What I’m complaining about is just the tip of the iceberg; I want to broaden your horizons.”

“Is it that difficult?”

“You’re not Hua Tuo, so if you don’t have the power to bring the dead back to life, don’t take on this role.” I nodded towards him, “Pass me the pepper.” Then I grabbed some noodles and slurped them up.

He brought it over, raising an eyebrow and saying, “With you saying that, I have to give it a try. I love pushing my limits.”

“Do you know how the last person who tutored me in math met their end?”

He calmly shook his head, “Don’t worry. I won’t die before you do.”

“Do you know my dad’s hand cracked the table from banging it on account of tutoring me?”

He replied, unfazed, “Don’t worry, I bought accident insurance.”

“Do you know all my previous math teachers developed PTSD because of me? They see me and act like they’re seeing a ghost?”

He casually twirled his chopsticks, “Our company has psychologists. Don’t worry about treatment being on the house.””Besides, I’m not afraid of ghosts.”

I said nonchalantly, “Oh, since you’re so insistent, I’ll go with what you say.” I glanced longingly at the half bowl of noodles he had left, swallowed my saliva, but ultimately put down my chopsticks. “Hurry up and eat, or it’ll get cold.”
He paused for a moment, tossed me the last shrimp, and then started to eat heartily.

After finishing the shrimp, I rummaged through the fridge, pulled out a sausage and an egg, and went to the kitchen to fry them up quickly, placing them in his bowl.

He looked at me with curiosity.

I pointed to the shrimp shell and said, “You didadida me, I hualahuala you.”
Cautiously, as if testing poison, he took a small bite and then said, “It tastes pretty good; I didn’t expect you to be a Chinese Little Master Chef.”

I chuckled awkwardly, “Back then, my dad made me recite math formulas every morning. To avoid getting scolded too badly, I had to whip up some breakfast to please him.”

After taking a couple of bites, he paused, “So, you’re trying to please me?”

“Not really.”

“What is it then?”

I looked at him with pity, “It’s a death meal. Who knows, maybe I’ll die of a backflow of blood soon.”

He started to cough violently, his face turning red, and didn’t forget to toss a shrimp shell at me.

Oh, I remembered—I hadn’t washed my face yet.