GL My Goddess Best Friend’s Seduction (H) - Chapter 32

The name An Xiaoyu was not unfamiliar to me.

Back in elementary and middle school, my mother would often mention her.

She said that child was especially good-looking, as adorable as the Barbie dolls I used to play with in kindergarten.

Hearing that in elementary school did not make me happy at all. I no longer played with Barbie dolls by then, and I thought anyone still doing so at that age was incredibly childish.

In third grade, my mom showed me pictures of An Xiaoyu’s performance. I could not understand what was so great about someone whose face was painted like a monkey’s bottom.

By the time I was in eighth grade, my mom praised An Xiaoyu for her dance talent, saying she was now the leader of a street dance youth group. I stared at the girl in the saggy pants, ripped T-shirt, and hip-hop cap, falling deep into thought.

The first time I met An Xiaoyu was on the first day of high school.

It was September 5, 2006. That date is etched into my memory.

All new students were to attend a general assembly. I was chosen to give a speech on behalf of the incoming class.

As I stepped onto the stage and said, “Hello, teachers and fellow students,” a commotion broke out at the back.

I heard whispers and murmurs among the students. A few teachers and security guards started running toward the noise.

Squinting into the blinding morning light, I looked to the back and saw a girl in ripped jeans standing on top of a tall white wall.

Strangely enough, even from that distance, her bare thigh peeking through the tear in her jeans caught my eye.

Amidst the shouts of teachers and the rowdy cheers of students, she jumped off the more-than-two-meter-high wall.

And ruined my speech.

An Xiaoyu was given a warning. Probably the first student to receive disciplinary action on the very first day of school.

We were placed in the same class.

When she introduced herself in front of the class, I finally connected her with the girl my mom always praised.

She did not really match the image.

After school started, she quickly became close with both boys and girls in class, while I still did not have many friends.

She ran for the position of publicity officer and was almost unanimously elected. I figured it was due to her popularity.

I did not vote for her.

We had never spoken to each other until one day, when Jiang Yiyi gave her a push and she shyly walked over to my desk.

She asked if I wanted to participate in the school anniversary performance.

I declined.

She looked hurt and walked away.

I remember thinking then that she looked quite like my old Barbie doll when she frowned.

To my surprise, she came back the next day to ask me the same question.

This time I made up an excuse, saying I did not have any performance-worthy talent.

She replied, “That can’t be. Aren’t you already at the performance level in violin?”

I looked at her suspiciously. “How do you know that?”

She looked like a startled rabbit. “My mom told me. She’s a high school friend of your mom.”

That made sense. Still, I rejected her again, saying I was out of practice.

After she left, I thought to myself, so she can do more than just jump over walls. She can also talk to people properly.

But remembering the startled look on her face, I touched my own face. Am I really that scary?

On the third day, she came again. I felt a bit impatient.

What reason will she come up with this time?

An Xiaoyu said, “Please, Si, our class really has no decent performances to present.”

“Just treat it as helping out your auntie’s daughter.”

When she said that, the image of her in saggy pants popped into my head.

“Aren’t you good at street dancing?” I asked. “Why don’t you perform?”

“Uh… I haven’t danced in a while. It would be a bit awkward.” She used the same excuse as I did.

Too lazy.

“If you dance street style, I’ll play the violin.”

In the end, we both performed at the school celebration. Her street dance was excellent. Her timing with the rhythm was spot-on. Her moves were powerful and crisp. She was cool. The boys and girls below cheered and whistled.

From then on, she entered my life.

On weekends, she dragged me to the library to study. But really, I was the one studying while she watched American TV shows on the MP4 player she secretly bought.

During the week, she threw notes at me in class, asking if I wanted to buy spicy snacks at the convenience store after class.

I frowned. I did not even like spicy snacks.

But I still went with her.

She even wanted me to accompany her to the bathroom. I was not used to going with someone else.

I said no. She didn’t take it personally. Instead, she happily went with Jiang Yiyi or another girl, holding hands as they went.

I was a little upset. Am I that easily replaceable?

It was the first time I felt this strange emotion. Unlike An Xiaoyu, I needed to think everything through clearly.

I posted about it online. Someone replied and said, “You probably like An Xiaoyu.”

Ridiculous. An Xiaoyu is a girl. How could I like her?

I had never liked a boy before, but traditional ideas told me that girls were supposed to like boys.

Even though I didn’t believe that reply, the idea that I might like An Xiaoyu took root in my subconscious.

Looking back, I probably didn’t like her yet. I just had a good impression.

During the stream selection in our first year, An Xiaoyu found herself conflicted. She had a preference for liberal arts and particularly enjoyed studying subjects such as English and history. However, her parents advised her to choose the science stream, believing it offered more promising future prospects.

She asked for my opinion. Of course, I was going into science.

Secretly, I hoped she would choose science too. Then we wouldn’t have to separate. Our school had fewer liberal arts classes, with only about ten students per class, so those classes would be reorganized. Science classes stayed the same.

She told me Jiang Yiyi was going into liberal arts.

I said, “Then go to liberal arts. But we probably won’t see each other much.”

I played a little trick.

Watching her bite her lip unhappily, I felt a shameless surge of satisfaction.

In the end, she chose science.

We even became desk mates.

That gave me more reasons to stick close to her.

She truly wasn’t good at science. Her math barely broke 100. Her physics, chemistry, and biology scores hovered around 50 to 60.

She did try hard, but maybe she just lacked talent.

Even with tutoring classes, she barely passed.

I felt a little guilty. Her choosing science might have been partly because of me.

So I started tutoring her. Although we were both day students, we stayed late for evening self-study so I could help her.

Weekends turned into tutoring sessions at my house instead of watching American TV at the library.

She came to my house at 9 a.m. on weekends. We did homework in the morning, and I tutored her in the afternoon.

During our noon nap, she would sleep in my bed.

I had a bit of a cleanliness obsession and wasn’t used to sharing a bed.

At first, it felt awkward. But she was well-behaved in her sleep and smelled like laundry detergent, which was surprisingly soothing.

A few times I woke up suddenly and found myself holding her in my arms.

She was everywhere in my embrace.

Even now, whenever Sunday comes, I can still recall the sunlight and her scent.

That was probably when my feelings for her began to change.

I dreamed about her at night. In those dreams, I did all sorts of inappropriate things to her.

I dreamed about kissing her, and I dreamed about touching her.

Later, An Xiaoyu asked when I had my first kiss. I told her it was in senior year, when she drunkenly kissed me.

But I never told her that in my dreams, I had already kissed her thousands upon thousands of times.

Those dreams scared me. I secretly visited a psychologist.

There were very few psychologists in Liushi. This one was a friend of my mom’s and had returned from Harvard.

She told me this was perfectly normal. Nothing to be afraid of. It could be a possessive desire or simply falling in love.

I asked, “Is liking girls perverted?”

She said, “No. You just happened to like someone who is a girl.”

Even now, I want to thank her for that guidance.

I don’t like girls. I just like An Xiaoyu.

Even with the psychologist’s reassurance, I still did not dare to confess.

I was afraid of scaring her.

And we were already in our final year. University entrance exams were the top priority.

Thankfully, her grades finally improved. After relentless practice, she was accepted into Jingshi University.

I argued with my dad but ended up not going to his alma mater, one of the top two universities. I chose Jingshi University instead.

I said it was because it was closer to home.

An Xiaoyu even felt sorry for me. I told her my parents did not want me to go too far. Later, my plan to study abroad made that lie rather obvious.

At a class reunion, An Xiaoyu got drunk.

Drunk, she was bolder than usual and insisted on performing street dance and doing cartwheels.

I was worried she would hit her head, so I stopped her.

She ended up in my arms, but she was not docile at all. She bit my face, leaving teeth marks like a rabid puppy.

It hurt.

But the kiss that followed made me forget the pain.

It did not have the fragrance of my dreams, but her lips were even softer.

So sweet.

Looking at the bite mark in the mirror, I decided not to go out for the rest of the summer.

I touched the mark on my face, then my fingers lingered on my lips. I thought about the way she kissed me, the feel of her lips…

The next day, my mom saw the bite mark and asked what happened.

I told her An Xiaoyu bit me after getting drunk.

My mom said, “Then you better keep an eye on her. If she bites someone else, what would we do?”

Mom…

I figured since my mom liked An Xiaoyu so much, she might accept that I liked her too.

That night, I came out to my mom.

She lost her usual calm. After a pause, she said she needed time to think.

While I was packing for school, she held my hand seriously and said, “This path is hard. Your father and I will walk it with you.”

My dad leaned against my doorframe, giving me an encouraging smile.

My eyes welled up.

I hugged my mom tightly.

After the hug, she looked serious and said, “If Xiaoyu likes you too, then wonderful. But don’t drag her into this if she doesn’t.”

I said okay. Back then, I never imagined it would take me nine years to wait for that day.

In our first year of university, An Xiaoyu and I grew even closer.

I often dreamed of her saying yes to me.

I dreamed of doing things I should not have.

But in our second year, she got a boyfriend. A classmate from her major, who chased her persistently.

She agreed.

They held hands and went everywhere around campus.

I could not stand watching. My professor suggested studying in Germany. It was a great opportunity and a way to escape seeing them so sweet together. So I agreed.

In Germany, I missed her a lot.

To distract myself, I focused on studying diligently and worked hard to expand my vocabulary.

I fought the urge to call her.

In Germany and the U.S., some girls and boys confessed to me.

I felt nothing.

In the U.S., some girls I rejected called me emotionally cold.

I did not care.

After returning to China, I saw An Xiaoyu post on her Moments about looking for a roommate. I immediately decided to live with her.

I could not pretend I had no feelings.

But I did nothing, as my mom had asked.

Back then, I thought staying by her side was enough.

Soon after, she had another boyfriend.

I had improved. This time, I could watch them date, hold hands, and even joke about it without changing my expression.

Even though my heart bled with every joke.

On September 16, An Xiaoyu said she might settle down with Qi Zhengyu.

That day, I opened Yu’an’s WeChat account. Yuanxiao0905 was An Xiaoyu’s name reversed. 0905 was the day I first met her.

I had lost my mind.

I acted out conversations between two imaginary people.

I imagined her acting sweet with me. I imagined us getting engaged. Spending New Year’s together…

After they got engaged, I decided to make Yu’an my boyfriend.

To seem less pitiful.

My mom cried when she found out. She said I was foolish.

She told me to try dating other girls.

But how could I?

Other girls were not An Xiaoyu.