Everyone Wants To Harm Me - Chapter 88

“Yu Chongrui, do you like me too?”

He didn’t answer immediately but asked, “What about you? Do you like me?”

Of course I do. Do you even have to ask?

“How much do you like me?”

How much did I like him? I didn’t know how to describe it, but it must have been very, very much.

“Do you like me so much that you’d be willing to stay in Tao Pavilion for me?”

Ah, this person—he still put forward conditions to tease me even then. Wasn’t this just luring me, making me restless?

“When I get to Tao Pavilion, I’ll tell you whether I like you or not.”

—Fine. I’ll reluctantly agree to that. I want so badly to hear him say it himself.

Now that I thought about it, my question had felt a bit silly. Did I really expect him to say he didn’t like me and tell me to hurry up and die? Or did I hope he’d finally say he liked me so I could die without regrets?

I wanted to argue with him, but while my brain was still working, my mouth couldn’t move. I was groggy, only vaguely feeling him carry me out of the woods. The rain seemed to have lightened.

He got on the horse and held me in front of him, and we rode together. I was unsteady and couldn’t sit still, relying on his chest and arms to support me on three sides.

Half-awake, I felt us arrive at the gate of Qinghe Garden. We seemed to be stopped by someone. The guard asked, “It’s raining heavily in the middle of the night, and the whereabouts of the Emperor are unknown. And yet Prime Minister Yu is leaving alone?”

Yu Chongrui covered my face with his cloak hood and said, “A family member had an emergency, and I rushed back to the city for medical treatment.”

The guard replied, “There’s an imperial physician in the garden. Can’t he treat them? Why go back to the city in the rain at such an hour?”

From his tone, it sounded like he was intentionally trying to make things difficult. I leaned against Yu Chongrui’s arms, doing my best to stay awake, afraid of revealing any flaws.

Then another voice interrupted sternly: “All the physicians are out searching for His Majesty. And here you are, standing guard like you’ve got nothing better to do! If you’re really loyal, why haven’t you sent men out to help search?”

The first guard seemed intimidated and responded quietly, “His Majesty does need to be found, but the garden gate must also be guarded…”

The newcomer said, “Leave a small team here. Everyone else joins the search on foot!”

The guards and soldiers obeyed the order and left.

When the footsteps faded away, Yu Chongrui said, “Thank you, General Li, for your help.”

General Li responded, “It’s my duty. Will Prime Minister Yu take his family member back to the city? How can the patient be exposed to the rain again? I’ll have a carriage prepared.”

Yu Chongrui paused before saying, “Thank you.”

From their conversation, it seemed General Li was on Yu Chongrui’s side. He breathed a sigh of relief as I couldn’t sit still on the horse. Yu Chongrui lifted me off, and soon the carriage arrived. I heard General Li apologizing for not having dry clothes, but he had blankets and water in the carriage.

Once we got inside, Yu Chongrui reminded him, “If there’s any news from the garden, make sure to send word to me.”

General Li quietly replied, “Understood.”

After that, my consciousness started to blur. I remembered the carriage rocking and my ankle injury flaring up again. The medicine Yu Chongrui had brought was gone, but the wound was too large, and the bleeding wouldn’t stop. He kept telling me, “We’ll be there soon. Just hang in there. Zishe will have a way.”

I felt so cold and vaguely sensed him taking off my wet clothes and wrapping me in a blanket. I was almost asleep, but he woke me up again, handing me a water bag. “There’s honey in the water. Drink some, it will give you strength.”

I took a few sips of the sugary water and felt a bit better. My hands and feet were still cold, but my back was warm. I realized then that the wet clothes, soaked by the cold rain, had been removed, and my back was pressed against his chest.

Unfortunately, my whole body was stiff and cold, and I couldn’t feel anything.

“Yu Chongrui,” I said, lying in his arms, “Does this count as physical intimacy? You must marry me…”

He wrapped his arms around me, rubbed his hands to warm them, placed one on my chest, and tried his best to protect the little warmth on my body.

“You can only marry me if you’re alive.”

Was that an agreement?

If I had known that this would work to coerce him, I should have been bolder and insisted on staying close to him while at his house.

My eyelids were getting heavier, but I wanted to stay awake. I wanted to live and wait for him to keep his promise.

“You should have married me a long time ago…” We had shared a room before, and when I was injured by the arrow, he’d touched my body. I had plenty of reasons to push him to marry me. Why didn’t I just lose my pride and act like a spoiled child? What good was pride now?

And even earlier—on the Shangsi Festival, in that riverside storehouse—just the two of us, man and woman alone, my clothes in disarray, the jade pendant that was next to my skin ended up in his hands. Why did I even take it back? I should’ve just claimed it was a token of love, told Aunt, and made her stand up for me. Then even if he didn’t want to marry me, he’d have no choice.

“Shangsi… is coming soon,” the third day of March, less than ten days left. “We’ve known each other for almost a year…”

“More than that.”

I couldn’t hear him clearly, and I was too exhausted to think. I just rambled on, struggling to stay awake.

“Aunt wanted to marry me to you. Why didn’t you agree? Do you regret it now?”

Back then… things were so good. Aunt was still alive. If he had agreed, even if Grandfather had opposed it, Aunt would have overruled him. I didn’t have Mojin Gu inside me, I was full of life, and I could marry and have children normally. I had some prejudices against him, but that didn’t matter. After we married, I’d definitely come to like him. We might even have children…

But then again, maybe that was too selfish. I’d just be doing what I’d always done for fifteen years—building my happiness on Aunt’s silent suffering. Before she died, she said her only worry was me. If she had entrusted me to Yu Chongrui, would she still have chosen death?

I wanted her to live, I wanted to marry Yu Chongrui, I wanted to protect Zhenniang and Ningning, I wanted everyone to be well and happy. Was I too greedy?

“Not greedy. But only if you live will you have a chance to get what you want.” Yu Chongrui held me tighter from behind. “Don’t make me spend the rest of my life in regret.”

At that point, I was probably completely delirious. I couldn’t tell what was real anymore—what I was saying aloud, what I was imagining, what was actually his response, and what was just hallucination.

Afterward, there was some commotion. Someone lifted me from the carriage and carried me into the house. I heard Deng Zishe complaining about being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night, but he quickly ordered people to help with the treatment. I also heard him scolding Feng Yuan: “You brought such a small ginseng? Get the biggest, thickest one!”

Feng Yuan retorted, “Didn’t you say the wound wasn’t that bad? Just some blood loss. The big ginseng should be saved for real emergencies…”

“Losing too much blood can kill someone. This is an emergency!”

Feng Yuan left, and Deng Zishe scolded Yu Chongrui too: “Put your clothes on already! It’s freezing, and you’re half-naked like that! If you get sick, I’ll have to treat you too!”

Even in my haze, I found it funny. I almost laughed at the chaos.

Feng Yuan was still the same—stingy and obsessed with Yu Chongrui, eyes glued to him like she couldn’t look away. Deng Zishe was right to keep her away.

I didn’t remember what happened after that. When I woke up, the sky outside was already beginning to lighten.

The candlelight in the room was dim, and Yu Chongrui was sitting beside me on the couch. The first thought that crossed my mind when I saw him was: Oh, his clothes are back on. What a pity.

Now that I was out of danger, I finally had the luxury to feel shy. I turned my head away and asked, “What time is it now?”

When he saw that I had woken up and had the strength to speak, he smiled with relief: “It’s almost the end of the Mao period.”

“Ah… so it’s almost chen already?” I thought dawn had only just broken. “How long did I sleep?”

“Almost two hours.” He pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. “It’s a rainy day. Still dark outside.”

“Has the rain not stopped yet?” I listened carefully, and there was indeed the sound of rain outside. “This time… it should rain thoroughly, so as not to delay the spring.”

He chuckled. “You care about the people’s livelihood so much. The first thing you ask when you wake up is this.”

If not this, what should I have asked?

I suddenly felt a little unsure. Did the memory of last night’s confusion really happen, or did I dream it?

“Yu Chongrui,” I asked tentatively, “what you said earlier… does it still count?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Which part?”

My face was slightly hot, but I wasn’t going to be shy this time. I didn’t want to miss a good opportunity and regret it when it was too late.

Before I could speak, the door was pushed open, and Deng Zishe walked in, yawning. “See? I said she’d wake by chen hour. You didn’t believe me and insisted on keeping watch. Look, right on the dot.”

Feng Yuan followed behind him, carrying a stew pot and a few bowls on a tray.

Deng Zishe walked to the bed and checked my wound. “The bleeding has completely stopped. There’s no bone injury. You can get out of bed after a day or two of rest. Eat something good to replenish the lost blood and energy. It’s fine. It’s just a skin injury, and it’s like this. You almost lost your life. It really damages the reputation of my great doctor Deng! That small medicine bottle is useless. I’ll make you a few more plasters to carry with you. When you encounter this kind of wound, just stick it on and it will stop the bleeding… Feng Yuan’s skills are getting better and better. Look at the stitches, so neat!”

Feng Yuan had gone to Zhen Ding with him and now she was stitching people? I couldn’t see my own foot. She had better not have embroidered a fly on me or something!

Deng Zishe kept rambling and then gestured to Feng Yuan’s tray. “Don’t just lie there whispering sweet nothings. Drink this ginseng soup. Made from a century-old root. Costs hundreds of gold. It’s the only reason you’re still breathing. Drink every drop, even the ginseng slices. Don’t waste it.”

Ginseng was so effective. Should I also carry one with me? In case of an emergency, maybe a few bites could save my life…

Feng Yuan rolled her eyes at him, put the tray on the table, and took out the ginseng soup from the stew pot.

Deng Zishe picked up the two bowls on the plate and pushed one of them to Yu Chongrui. “This bowl is for you.”

Yu Chongrui said, “Me? That’s not necessary.”

“What are you, made of iron? Didn’t sleep a wink all night, did you?” Deng Zishe said irritably. “Ginseng is for patients, not freeloaders like you. This one was made with the whiskers so it doesn’t go to waste. Ugh, I need to drink some too and recover—getting woken up in the middle of the night for an emergency wore me out.”

He picked up another bowl of ginseng whisker water, drank a sip carefully, frowned, and looked at Feng Yuan suspiciously. “Are the whiskers of a hundred-year-old ginseng so thin?”

It was rare to see Feng Yuan looking guilty and trying to dodge the question. Deng Zishe leaned over to look into the double-boiler, but she quickly snatched the lid and covered it, carrying it over to the bedside.

Yu Chongrui said to her, “Leave it here. I’ll handle it.”

Feng Yuan stood in front of the bed and refused to budge. Deng Zishe forcibly dragged her away, and as he left, he called back, “Drink it while it’s hot! Staring lovingly at each other won’t cure anything!”

Outside the door, his voice dropped to a scolding whisper. “What’s up with the ginseng slices in the soup? They’re barely the size of a coin!”

Feng Yuan replied weakly, “Didn’t we already use the thickest part? What’s left for soup is just thinner…”

“Don’t lie to me! Just by looking at the ginseng whiskers, I know this ginseng is only one inch thick—at most a few decades old! Are you hiding something and not taking out the best one?”

“That root cost the mistress several thousand gold to obtain… This one’s two fingers thick too! It’s not small!”

The two of them bickered their way farther and farther down the corridor.

Feng Yuan’s stinginess was hopeless. But she gave me a ginseng root two fingers thick and didn’t even ask for money—I was already very touched.

Yu Chongrui picked up the ginseng soup, blew on it to check the temperature, scooped up a spoonful, and handed it to my lips. “Come, listen to the doctor and drink the soup.”

Who said that amorous glances couldn’t cure diseases? I thought his eyes were much more effective than ginseng soup. If he looked at me with such affection and eyes like water for a while longer, I’d probably be able to jump off the ground in high spirits.

I drank all the ginseng soup obediently, then asked him, “Yu Chongrui, where are we now?”

“Of course it’s Tao Pavilion.”

“Then do you still remember what you promised me?”

“I remember,” he turned around and put the porcelain cup on the table, his tone very natural. “I have always liked you.”

“Then you are… ah?” I hadn’t expected him to say it directly, and my tongue got tied immediately, not knowing how to continue. “Then… then… really?”

“When have I ever lied to you?”

You’ve lied to me so many times.

But actually, it didn’t count as lying. He’d always been upfront with me—he once said that a person’s true feelings aren’t shown by what they say or think, but by what they do.

The things he did for me had already made me certain. Even if I didn’t ask, or he didn’t say, I already knew how deeply he felt for me.

It’s just…

I looked at him and asked cautiously, “Is it… the kind of love a man has for a woman?”

The corners of his mouth moved slightly, and he held back a laugh. “What else? Do you think I have a brother-sister relationship with you?”

It could also be… a father-daughter relationship, an elder-younger relationship, or something like that…

“But in your heart there isn’t even a hint of…” My face warmed. I mumbled softly, “You were the one who said it—true affection comes with desire. That’s what sets romantic love apart from other feelings…”

“You didn’t see it,” he said slowly, eyes heavy as they fell on my face, “doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

I used to only believe my own eyes, but now I knew that Mojin Gu would also blind my eyes in return.

“Why don’t you let me see it?”

“I’m afraid it will scare you.”

I had seen the evil thoughts Brother Zhongshu revealed. If Yu Chongrui was thinking the same thing, or even a little more, I could accept it.

I looked at him and said, “So you don’t think about it in front of me, but you think about it secretly behind my back?”

His ears turned red, and he pursed his lips without answering.

“I’m not afraid…” I also blushed a little. “Now that I know, can you let me see it?”

I wanted to see all of him—not only his calm, untroubled side, but also his vivid and real side, just like ordinary people.

“Not yet.”

I said angrily, “Then how can I be sure you really like me? I don’t believe it.”

He hesitated for a moment, leaned down, his face slightly red, and his fingertips gently brushed my cheek. “Close your eyes.”

How could I see with my eyes closed?