Everyone Wants To Harm Me - Chapter 75

If one was willing to live in disgrace, life in the palace was not that difficult.

I spent most of my time at the Buddhist temple copying scriptures and making prayer flags for my aunt. Although I knew these scriptures could not truly bring her peace, they at least comforted the living.

Deng Zishe’s medicine continued to be effective. After four or five days of fumigation, the symptoms of coughing up blood completely disappeared. I also noticed that whenever I took the medicine, I slept very deeply, so even after my cough was cured, I kept the habit of lighting incense to help me sleep. Without it, I found it difficult to fall asleep.

Princess Yongjia often visited me.

“I heard that Li Minghai died,” she said, her expression gloomy. “There is one less person I know in the palace.”

But I hadn’t heard any news about Prince Xin. Perhaps the clues and evidence weren’t enough for His Majesty.

A few days later, the princess came to inform me that Minister Pei of the Ministry of War had been demoted back to the border.

“When I married the Huihe, Minister Pei was the deputy envoy who escorted me to the palace. At that time, he was still a deputy minister of the Ministry of War,” the princess recalled. “He had been stationed at the northern border for many years and was very familiar with the Huihe. He told me that the Huihe people valued military force and submitted to the Wu Dynasty when it was strong. But now, with internal turmoil in our country, the Huihe people may become arrogant and look down on our dynasty. Military force cannot protect the country and the state, but he asked a woman to bear this heavy responsibility. As a military commander, he felt ashamed of me. I’ve always remembered his words. After the rebellion was quelled, Yehu—the current Khan—felt that our army was weak and could not protect itself. He instigated the Khan to invade the southern border cities several times, but I persuaded him to stop. Now that Yehu has succeeded to the throne, the border may not remain peaceful. Minister Pei is going back to take charge, and at least he can relieve some of the pressure.”

After saying this, the princess sighed, her expression slightly troubled. “Yaoyao, do you feel like the Emperor has changed?”

I could only shake my head. “I don’t know… what the Emperor was like before.”

“I had only been back for a short time, just two months, and in that time, so many people had died without clear explanations or details. This included Minister Pei, Jieyu, and Cairen. The Emperor would not have been so strict with his subordinates in the past. Did your aunt really commit suicide? Was it like they said, that because Noble Consort Chu spread rumors and slandered her, it was hard for her to defend herself, and she was also ill, so she ended her life? Your aunt was so strong-willed. When she was young, she took on such important responsibilities with the Emperor. How could something so small break her? Even if the Emperor was angry and believed the slander, they had such a deep bond that he would have figured it out once he calmed down. Why would she commit suicide to prove her innocence…?”

How should I have explained to her?

“I didn’t believe it at first, but… I saw my aunt die with a knife. The Dali Temple Shaoqing repeatedly checked and found no signs of murder. Later, I heard from the doctor that my aunt’s chronic illness had worsened. Even if this hadn’t happened, she could only have lived to her forties at most.”

“Really…” The princess released my hand, murmuring absentmindedly, “Then the pain she endured in her lifetime must have been unimaginable…”

Yes, she must have been in immense pain, which led her to end her life. My aunt had survived the most difficult and dangerous years, but she couldn’t endure the torment that accumulated over the last ten years.

There had been no grief greater than a dead heart. What broke her wasn’t a powerful enemy—but that the person she had trusted most was no longer the man he once was.

The Emperor occasionally summoned me to the bamboo curtain of Ganlu Palace, but after the episode where I coughed up blood from overexertion, he refrained from assigning me any heavy tasks. I also complied and only told him what he wanted to hear.

If I wanted peace of mind, I had many reasons to convince myself that what I did wasn’t so bad—and sometimes it played a positive role.

For instance, there had been the recent surge in popularity of the Chanaya sect from the Western Regions. The Grand Minister of the Court of State Ceremonial submitted a memorial requesting official recognition of the sect, with many others joining in support. His Majesty believed that religious matters fell under the purview of the Ministry of Rites, not the Court of Ceremonial Affairs. He summoned them all to Ganlu Hall and had me observe them. I found that Chanaya had infiltrated numerous court officials and was entangled in mutual interests. Among the common people, they swindled believers into donating money under the guise of spiritual healing, causing many to go bankrupt or die. In Luoyang alone, their followers already exceeded ten thousand. His Majesty ordered a complete ban on the sect, and everyone involved was severely punished.

On a smaller scale, since my aunt’s death and the passing of Noble Consort Chu, the harem had been without a master, leading to more intense infighting. Concubine Chen accused Concubine Wang of poisoning her, while Concubine Wang claimed Concubine Chen had poisoned herself. The Emperor, too busy to personally judge the case, sent me to investigate. In the end, it was true that Lady Wang had poisoned her, and also true that Jieyu Chen had tried to frame her. His Majesty punished both heavily, banishing them to the Cold Palace as an example, which helped restore some peace.

The late emperor had encouraged the women of the palace to read and write. The Wenhua Hall library was open to all palace staff, including maids and eunuchs, as long as they presented their ID tokens. This tradition continued to that day. Back home, the books my tutor had forced me to read used to make me sleepy, but now I found myself enjoying them.

There was a special shelf in the library where palace staff could donate their personal books for shared reading and exchange. The variety there was far more interesting than the official archives. I even found a copy of The Tale of Jade Gentleman, which Feng Yuan had once mentioned. Its cover was tattered and worn, clearly well-read. Curious, I flipped through it—it was filled with illustrations, but many pages were torn out. I couldn’t make much sense of it.

After the Mid-Autumn full moon, Prince Xin and Lan Yue’s wedding preparations picked up rapidly. The wedding was set for the sixth day of the ninth month. It was said that Prince Xin was busy making arrangements, and the Dowager Consort De had even received permission from His Majesty to help with the preparations at his manor.

The Emperor asked me, “Prince Xin is getting married, do you want to leave the palace and attend the ceremony?”

I lowered my head and answered, “I await Your Majesty’s command.”

“She’s still your family’s daughter—of course you should go,” His Majesty said. “And while you’re at it, help me see which guests are truly there to offer their congratulations.”

I understood what he meant. Last time, Li Minghai had committed suicide before he could expose all of Prince Xin’s allies. Lately, Prince Xin had been even more discreet and cautious, so His Majesty needed to use me again to investigate who still supported him. The guest list was the perfect starting point. No doubt Prince Xin also saw the wedding as a prime opportunity to build alliances.

Since the Emperor approved it, I began preparing gifts. I asked the palace matron, and she said that in addition to gold, silver, and jewels, one should also send handmade silk brocade or embroidered items for a sister’s wedding. My embroidery was terrible, so the matron arranged for a skilled seamstress from the Embroidery Bureau to help me.

The third prince often came to me, trying to argue or find trouble. He had become bolder in front of me, asking, “I heard that your father arranged your marriage to Prince Yuanmin when you were young, and then Prince Xin asked for your hand in marriage. But in the end, you married me, and your sister married Prince Xin! You’re still going to their wedding? Don’t you find it annoying?”

I couldn’t be bothered to correct him, so I just asked, “Then, will Your Highness go?”

“Of course! He’s my cousin—how could I miss it? I heard there’ll even be pranks in the bridal chamber! You don’t get that kind of fun in the palace!” He looked excited like a kid joining a crowd. “I’ll go with you and back you up, so no one dares laugh at you.”

If I had needed an eleven-year-old to support me, I would really have been the subject of ridicule.

I ignored him and lowered my head to help the embroiderer string pearls.

He wandered around, gesturing, “Why do weddings always have to be in such bright red and green? It’s so tacky. And these pearls embroidered on the pillowcase… don’t they feel uncomfortable? I don’t like them. I like black and white, simple and timeless. When we get married in the future, we don’t need all these colorful things. I’ll wear black, and you wear white. How about it?”

What a great idea. People would have thought we were the Black and White Impermanence.

The sixth day of September arrived quickly.

As a prince, Prince Xin first had to bring his bride to the palace for the formal conferment ceremony. The two knelt before the emperor and the dowager consort, received the golden and jade decree of marriage, and paid respects at the ancestral temple. By the time the ceremony ended, it was past noon. Then they proceeded to Prince Xin’s manor, where guests were hosted at the evening feast and the bridal ceremony was held.

Lan Yue knelt under the golden throne, wearing a phoenix crown and robe, with a pearl tassel and feather fan partially covering her jade face. I couldn’t see her face, but I could see what she was thinking. That day was the most glorious moment of her life. She had gone from being a daughter of a small family in Jingzhou, living under a false name, to becoming a princess. But she still wasn’t satisfied. She yearned for a higher, more honorable position. One day, she wanted to stand tall in the golden palace, accepting the admiration and worship of the people.

She wanted to be the Empress.

In terms of ambition, she and Prince Xin were very compatible. No wonder they had fallen in love at first sight.

From Chunming Gate to Prince Xin’s manor was less than a mile. The Imperial Guards cleared the way as the bride rode in a decorated carriage. The rest of us walked there in groups. His Majesty had already received their respects in the palace and did not attend the manor feast.

If he had gone, Prince Xin and his subordinates would surely have restrained themselves, making it harder for me to observe and gather information.

“Have you noticed that fewer people are coming to Prince Xin’s mansion for the banquet? Many people have found excuses to leave during the banquet,” the third prince whispered beside me, his words tinged with pride. “The Grand Tutor said those people are on my side—this is them making a statement, drawing a clear line between themselves and Prince Xin.”

I turned to him and said sternly, “Your Highness, don’t say such things in the future. It’s suspected of forming a party.”

“I know, this isn’t a conversation between our own people…”

How had I become one of his own people? Did he know that I secretly helped his cousin seize the throne? “Your Highness, aren’t you worried that I might leak this? Prince Xin’s father-in-law is my uncle, and my grandfather is the witness today.”

The third prince blinked and looked at me. “I believe you won’t tell anyone. If you wanted to harm me, why didn’t you tell your father that I pushed you? We didn’t even know each other at the time—there’s even less reason to now.”

I shot him a sideways glance from the corner of my eye. “Reporting you back then would’ve at most gotten you punished a little—what good would that do? Maybe I’m planning something bigger, to destroy the enemy’s nest in one fell swoop.”

The third prince said seriously, “At home, obey your father; after marriage, obey your husband. In the future, you and I will be one husband and wife. The husband will be honored, and the wife will be noble. Don’t think about these things. Think more about me. But Duke Peng will inevitably have to choose between two grandsons-in-law. I guess it’s very difficult.”

Where had this eleven-year-old learned all these tricks? He was still so young, but he talked about being one with his wife, how the husband would be honored and the wife would be noble. He wanted me to obey my husband and think about him. I just wanted to channel Feng Yuan and give him a big eye roll.

“Walls have ears. There are so many people around. Your Highness should be careful about what you say and do.”

“I know,” he said awkwardly. “I’ll listen to you.”

When we arrived at Prince Xin’s mansion, men and women sat at separate tables. I was finally free of him and could go to Princess Yongjia. Among the female relatives present, except for Dowager Consort De, the eldest princess was the most noble. The princess, fearing she might feel constrained by the others, asked me to accompany her to the back garden to rest first, before joining the banquet.

“It’s been so long since I came back. It’s rare that the royal family finally has a happy event.”

The princess had been in mourning since her husband’s death, always wearing plain clothes and no makeup. But that day she was clearly in good spirits, dressed in her finest attire, radiant and graceful. I had shed my mourning clothes for a light mauve outer robe, wore no hairpins or jewelry, and walked with her along the garden pond. A servant of the prince’s residence even mistook me for one of the princess’s maids.

As dusk approached, lamps were lit one after another throughout the residence. Across the water was the guest reception and registry area—brightly lit, bustling with people. In contrast, our side was quiet, with lush greenery and few lights, hidden in the shadows.

“Oh?” The princess suddenly stopped and looked across the water. “Prime Minister Yu came too?”

I followed her gaze and, sure enough, spotted Yu Chongrui in the crowd.