Everyone Wants To Harm Me - Chapter 68

The opportunity came soon.

Dowager Consort De had been fine, but she suddenly developed a severe headache. Acupuncture, medicine, and massage from the imperial physicians proved useless—she couldn’t sleep, day or night. She claimed to have dreamt that the late Empress stood by her bed and touched her head. When she woke, her head felt like it was splitting open. It must be, she said, that with the Zhongyuan Festival approaching, the late Empress was restless in the underworld and had appeared in her dream, asking her to perform rituals and chant sutras in the palace to help her find peace.

“The Imperial Consort Dowager is just like your grandfather,” the Emperor said to me, “deeply superstitious about such supernatural nonsense. Even an ordinary illness gets twisted in her mind into some demonic cause. Have you visited her recently?”

I replied, “I hadn’t made it to her residence yet before I heard she’d fallen ill. I’m still in mourning attire and was afraid she might find it inauspicious, so I planned to wait until she recovered.”

The Emperor gave a faint, disdainful smile and said, “She’s been bedridden for days. I ought to go visit her. As it happens, Prince Xin has also requested permission to enter the palace and attend to her illness. You can accompany me.”

I nodded and followed the Emperor to Shoukang Palace to pay respects to Dowager Consort De.

Prince Xin was already there. When he heard the Emperor was coming, he came out and knelt in the courtyard to greet him.

The last time I had seen him was at the Lantern Festival. My aunt had still been alive then. Luoyang was under curfew, but the streets had blazed with lanterns bright as day. His Majesty, along with my aunt and the princes and princesses, had gone up to Duanmen Tower to enjoy the festivities with the people. The Luo River had sparkled with floating lanterns—like a Milky Way on earth.

I had never liked staying on the tower long. After a short while, I slipped into the crowd and headed for the South Market, where the real fun was. Prince Xin had insisted on coming along. He stopped at every stall to try snacks. I had already heard rumors that he wanted to discuss marriage with me, and I had been disgusted. A man in his twenties, still as greedy as a child—he had finally lost some weight, but with the way he ate, he would soon get fat again. While he was lining up to buy an oil cake, I quietly slipped away and lost him in the crowd.

Back then, his face had still been a bit round. Now, after six months, Prince Xin had grown noticeably thinner. His jawline was angular and firm, his features clear—there was no trace of the chubby boy he had been.

They said Prince Xin resembled the late emperor. As his eldest grandson, the late emperor had doted on him. When Prince Xin was just one month old, the emperor had said, “This child will inherit the nation.”

I had seen the late emperor’s portrait in the Ancestral Temple. Now that Prince Xin had grown and slimmed down, he really did carry a hint of that same imperial aura.

In front of the Emperor, Prince Xin was humble and deferential, always bowing his head. I couldn’t read any special intentions in his eyes.

After greeting the Emperor, he turned to me and said, “Sister Yao, long time no see.”

I replied, “In a few months, Your Highness may have to call me sister for real.”

Prince Xin smiled faintly and said nothing.

We followed the Emperor into the room. As soon as we reached the bedside, Dowager Consort De began wailing, “Oh my, I’m not even dead yet, and you’re already wearing white mourning clothes! Are you hoping I won’t live much longer?”

I quickly apologized and stepped out of the room. Prince Xin followed, taking out a dark blue cloak and draping it over me. “The weather is warm, but please bear it for now, Sister Yao.”

Our eyes met, and in that instant, we understood each other. Li Minghai had already passed a message to Prince Xin. As head of the inner court, he could move freely, but I would need to find a way to speak with Prince Xin alone.

I removed the mourning veil and flower. The cloak concealed the plain white garments I wore. Then I returned to the inner chamber to pay respects to the Imperial Consort Dowager.

She was lying on a couch, a wide band wrapped around her head. Her face was pale and haggard as she inwardly complained: To make it look real, I’ve been soaking in cold water every day—what a torture! I didn’t expect this fake headache to become so unbearable. If I’m not careful, I’ll really die. And I still have to deal with that ungrateful brat. My brain feels like mush when I try to use it.

She murmured drowsily to the Emperor, “Yesterday I dreamt of the late emperor again. He and my sister the Empress must be missing me in the underworld and calling me to join them.”

The Emperor gently consoled her. “Dreams reflect what we think during the day. Headaches and fevers are common in old age—don’t frighten yourself. You still have a long life ahead.”

Dowager Consort De sighed. “I don’t ask for a long life. I just want to see Yunqi married and a great-grandson born. Then I can face his ancestors.”

Prince Xin’s given name was Lin; his courtesy name was Yunqi. I used to think “Yunqi” sounded elegant, but it didn’t suit his personality or looks.

(Translator’s Notes:Yunqi can poetically suggest “expectation among the clouds” or “a destined time high above)

The Emperor said, “The engagement is already settled. The wedding will be next month. Soon you’ll have a granddaughter-in-law.”

Prince Xin knelt and said, “It’s my fault for worrying you, Grandmother. I will make sure you get better. If you don’t recover, I won’t get married.”

As he said this, he actually cried like a child, which stunned me. I couldn’t help but admire him.

Through his tears, he turned to the Emperor and pleaded, “The ancestors are not at peace, and the Dowager Consort is uneasy. Please allow me to perform a ritual for Grandmother. Her illness will surely be cured.”

The Emperor hesitated. “There’s no precedent for rituals in the palace…”

“How is there no precedent?” the Imperial Consort Dowager snapped. “You built a Buddha Hall in the palace for your favored consort—does that not count? Your wife can do it, but your mother can’t?”

The Emperor looked a bit exasperated.

Dowager Consort De grew angrier. “Forget it! I’ll just go live at the nunnery with the other widowed concubines of the late emperor! At least no ghost will touch my head there. Let my sister’s spirit float outside forever!”

The Emperor was secretly fuming: “Shameless old woman, always using the late Emperor and Empress to manipulate me. The same old tricks, over and over—I’m sick of this trick. 

But he still soothed her. “The Buddhist hall is quiet, just a small side room. If it brings peace to the late Empress, how could I, as a son, object?”

Dowager Consort De said, “Of course it can be done. We don’t need many people. I’ll invite a few masters and have Yunqi join them. Seven or eight people will be enough—sincerity matters more than numbers.”

I objected, “That Buddhist hall was for my aunt’s spirit tablet. How can it be lent for someone else’s ritual?”

Dowager Consort De responded coldly, “Yanning Palace was originally the Empress’s chambers—your aunt came later. If not there, then where? I think Yanning Palace is the most suitable! After the ritual, the masters can chant sutras for your aunt, too. Shouldn’t we pray for the soul of someone who died suddenly? Aren’t you afraid her soul is restless? Truly unfilial!”

She was the Empress Dowager—I couldn’t argue. I kept silent.

The Emperor said a few more things about taking care of her health and not overthinking. I, meanwhile, kept my eyes on Prince Xin.

Strangely, I couldn’t detect any malice or ulterior motives from him. Aside from Yu Chongrui and the elderly woman, he was the third person I had encountered whose thoughts I couldn’t read.

But that didn’t make sense. The look we had shared, the way he brought Li Minghai to his side, Dowager Consort De faking illness to help him return to the palace, his years of restraint around the Emperor—surely this man was no ordinary person. Even if he had no ambition, shouldn’t he at least feel some resentment or fear? How could he be so calm?

After we left Shoukang Palace, the Emperor asked me, “You stared at Prince Xin for a long time just now. What did you see?”

If I said nothing, he wouldn’t believe me. I wouldn’t believe it either.

After a pause, I said, “Prince Xin seemed cautious and fearful in Your Majesty’s presence.”

The Emperor asked, “Why would he be afraid?”

“Because… he’s afraid Your Majesty might soon kill him. He lives in constant unease.”

The Emperor gave a gentle, helpless smile. “Why would he think that? He’s Emperor Fengtian’s only bloodline. My brother cared for me deeply when we were young—he’s the person I admire most besides the late emperor. How could I possibly let my brother die without an heir?”

At that moment, he truly looked like a kind uncle, as though Prince Xin’s wariness had wounded their relationship.

But inside, he thought: Once he’s married and has children, I’ll kill him. That way, I’ll have fulfilled my duty to my brother in the afterlife by preserving his bloodline.”