Do Not Laugh! This Is a Horror Movie - Chapter 2

Fu Lanyu was a smart person; the moment Qiao Yunzheng spoke that sentence, she understood his meaning.

“You want to form an alliance with me?”

In such survival games, alliances were common. Everyone wanted to win over reliable teammates to increase their chances of victory.

As the game’s level continuously rose, this situation would become increasingly prevalent.

It was true that while alliances were widespread, betrayal was equally so.

“Why, is that not allowed?” Qiao Yunzheng asked with a smile. “If I’m not mistaken, that girl is your client, right? The two of you, plus me, makes exactly three.”

Veterans all knew that this game actually had a limit on the number of survivors; at most, three people could survive in the end.

If the final number of survivors exceeded three, it would be considered a total party kill, and no one would be able to return to the real world.

Dying in the game meant one’s real-world self would also disappear forever. No one could bear such consequences, so when necessary, even if the monsters didn’t act, players had to scheme against each other.

This was the cruelest part.

Fu Lanyu calmly retorted, “With your strength, you could escape on your own, couldn’t you? Why bother forming an alliance?”

“How are you so sure I’m strong? The fact that I could traverse alone to a low-level game indicates my strength isn’t all that great.”

“Traversing alone to a low-level game doesn’t necessarily mean your own level is low. It could also be that you signed a substitute contract with a low-level client.”

Transmigrators bound by the system, upon reaching a certain level, gained the right to trade with low-level clients.

Many types of contracts could be signed, and once both parties signed, the contract became effective and unchangeable.

For example, the one Fu Lanyu signed with Xiaohui was the most common auxiliary contract: a high-level player guiding a low-level player to clear the game.

And the one Qiao Yunzheng signed was probably a substitute contract, meaning he directly entered the game in place of a client.

Substitute contracts had limitations and were very expensive, so very few people generally signed them.

Of course, those with deep pockets who were willing to spend a fortune to buy their lives were another matter.

“You’re truly clever,” Qiao Yunzheng nodded, his expression full of admiration. “My judgment is also quite good.”

“…Good in what way?”

“Good in that I immediately saw your extraordinary bones; you’re no ordinary person.”

Fu Lanyu secretly rolled her eyes. “Were you a street fortune-teller before?”

“I also know a bit about I Ching and Feng Shui, if you need.”

“…No, thank you.” She calmly raised a hand to stop him.

“Let’s get back to the main topic, Mr. Qiao. Do you truly believe an alliance is necessary in a low-level game?”

She didn’t think it was necessary for him, nor did she think it was necessary for herself.

Qiao Yunzheng said, “That couple came to see me last night.”

“Oh.” Fu Lanyu paused, not particularly surprised. “It’s clear at a glance that they’re transmigrators with experience. It’s normal for them to want to win over strong individuals.”

After all, compared to the timid newcomers, even if Qiao Yunzheng did nothing, his mere aura was enough to make that couple target him.

“They said you weren’t simple and hoped I would cooperate to eliminate you as soon as possible.”

“…Then they were quite overconfident.”

In theory, however, they weren’t wrong. She and Xiaohui were two people, and that couple was also two people.

Four people couldn’t possibly survive together; at least one would have to die.

“So,” Qiao Yunzheng smiled and said matter-of-factly, “since you acknowledge my strength, you should say something nice to try and win me over, lest I ally with them and cause you trouble.”

“…” Fu Lanyu was speechless. “What’s with that smile that hides a dagger?”

“How could that be? I just wanted to hear your opinion.”

This man had a strange temperament, difficult to fathom at the moment. If she couldn’t appease him and he really went off to help that couple, he would ultimately be a security risk.

Fu Lanyu quickly weighed the pros and cons, pondered briefly, and finally deliberated a logical and well-reasoned argument.

“Mr. Qiao, I suggest you’d best not choose that couple: First, I’m prettier than that girl, so cooperating with me would be more pleasing to the eye; second, even if they have experience, they don’t have as much as I do, and compared to me, they’re still noobs. Otherwise, why would they eagerly seek you out to form such a boring alliance in a low-level game? Third, couples have many little secrets and variables, and what if they sold you out at a crucial moment? That would be very uneconomical.”

Qiao Yunzheng looked very satisfied. “You have a point; she’s indeed not as pretty as you.”

“…Is that the only sentence you heard?”

“Isn’t hearing that one sentence enough?”

Fu Lanyu looked at his handsome face, vaguely feeling herself tense up, her fists hardening. She didn’t want to continue the conversation.

“Miss Fu, what were you two talking about?” Xiaohui emerged from the restroom just then, her face pale from vomiting. “…I really admire you two, daring to chat at a crime scene.”

Qiao Yunzheng smiled gently, “Nothing much. Looking at the color of this blood, I even feel a bit hungry; I’m craving a bowl of Laoganma noodles.”

“…”

So Xiaohui covered her mouth and went to vomit again.

Fu Lanyu sighed, holding her forehead, and casually closed the door, cutting off the room full of pig-slaughtering-like blood. Some people might never dare to eat Laoganma again after this.

✵✵✵

During the day, the brick building’s main gate was open; it would only lock automatically at night.

This meant that when it was light, everyone could move freely around the small town.

…Though there wasn’t much to do.

The town wasn’t large. Fu Lanyu went out for a stroll, tried every house, and found that all the doors were locked. But she still noticed something amiss.

On the rusty doorknob of the house furthest from the brick building, a long, smeared bloody handprint was faintly visible.

“Miss Fu, what are you looking at?” Xiaohui had followed at some point, and looking down, she gasped in alarm. “…Oh dear!”

“Don’t be so jumpy,” Fu Lanyu said, wiping the bloody handprint with her sleeve, then calmly turned around.

“Remember this house; there’s definitely something mysterious about it.”

Xiaohui nodded, then cast a lingering, fearful glance at the door before re-linking her arm with Fu Lanyu’s.

“Miss Fu, what were you chatting about with that handsome man on the third floor earlier?”

Fu Lanyu kept her gaze straight, continuing to walk forward. “We talked about how to win this game.”

“So how do we win? Is there a conclusion?”

“You can win by honestly following me. Even if I explained it, would you understand?”

“…”

Xiaohui realized she had a point.

The two returned to the three-story brick building, and on the way, they met the tearful newcomer girl and the yellow-haired boy accompanying her.

It seemed these two had decided to stick together for warmth.

“My name is Kiki, and he’s Wang Xin,” the girl introduced herself timidly, then asked, “Big sister… oh no, little sister, have you played this… this game before?”

“My surname is Fu.”

“…Oh,” Kiki said softly, blushing.

“Miss Fu, I don’t mean anything else, I just think you handle things very calmly, and I wanted to learn from you—how did you clear the game when you encountered things like this before?”

“By wisdom, strength, and luck.”

The yellow-haired boy named Wang Xin was startled to hear this.

“Then I’m doomed! I’m an unlucky player who spends thousands in games and can’t even get an SR card!”

Fu Lanyu was puzzled. “Are you implying that you consider your wisdom and strength excellent, and only your luck is bad?”

“Uh… not exactly…”

“There’s competition in this game, and I can’t teach you much. In short, remember: don’t trust anyone but yourself.”

She left them with this warning, then turned and walked away with Xiaohui.

Kiki looked at her retreating back and sighed regretfully. “I thought she was a kind person, but it seems she’s not…”

“Still better than that dating couple, right?” Wang Xin said. “That guy looked at me with such a terrifying gaze, like…”

“Like what?”

“Like a weasel looking at a chicken.”

“?”

The analogy might not be perfect, but it was close enough. Newcomers didn’t understand, but the veterans knew very well.

To ensure the number of final survivors didn’t exceed the limit, eliminating competitors was a necessary step.

…

Lunch was still steamed buns. Everyone sat around the table, and to avoid an overly awkward atmosphere, they introduced their names to each other.

The couple consisted of Li Chenguang, the man, and Beibei, the woman.

Xiaohui noticed that during lunch, Li Chenguang would occasionally glance over, his gaze clearly not benevolent, giving her goosebumps.

Under the table, she secretly nudged Fu Lanyu’s hand, signaling her to look across.

Fu Lanyu looked up, meeting Li Chenguang’s gaze directly.

“Mr. Li, staring at me so intently, is something wrong?” Fu Lanyu asked calmly. “If the steamed buns aren’t enough, should I get you another one?”

With that, everyone at the table focused their attention on Li Chenguang.

Li Chenguang looked slightly annoyed. “Nonsense, I can barely keep my eyes off my own girlfriend, why would I look at you?”

Fu Lanyu raised an eyebrow, saying the most irritating words with the most innocent expression.

“Who knows? A man’s mind is hard to guess.”

“You’re quite amused,” Beibei sneered unhappily. “Instead of spending time flirting with my boyfriend, you should think about how we’re going to escape from here.”

“So, what grand insight do you have?”

“We must follow the rules and work together to find clues to kill that female ghost.”

Fu Lanyu feigned surprise. “Work together? Such official, empty rhetoric—are you writing a political essay?”

“…”

The sarcasm in her words was extremely obvious, yet Beibei couldn’t directly refute it. If Fu Lanyu were to reveal the secret that only three people could survive, it would be detrimental to everyone.

She glared at Fu Lanyu, angrily throwing the half-eaten steamed bun onto the ground.

Xiaohui quickly intervened. “Don’t quarrel, don’t quarrel, let’s continue our discussion.”

Kiki whispered, “Now the only clue about the female ghost is that ballad, right?”

“But I couldn’t even clearly hear what that ballad was singing,” Wang Xin said with a worried face. “How could I dare to listen carefully?”

“I didn’t dare either…”

Qiao Yunzheng had originally been leaning his forehead on one hand, thoughtfully looking out the window.

Hearing this, he turned his gaze, his eyebrows arching into a smile.

“How about you discuss it with the female ghost tonight and ask her to sing it a few more times, or write it down for you with a pen, to keep a backup?”

“…”

The bespectacled, refined man, who hadn’t participated in the conversation at all, finally couldn’t help but interject.

“Let’s not talk about female ghosts for now. The person who died, his body still hasn’t been found. Don’t you… don’t you find that strange?”

“It is strange,” Fu Lanyu said. “But what’s the use of being strange? Will being strange help find it?”

“…”

Qiao Yunzheng leisurely chimed in, “Don’t be too nervous. This place is only so big; it’ll be found sooner or later—maybe everyone will find it under someone’s bed when they go back to their rooms tonight.”

“…”

Fu Lanyu glanced at Qiao Yunzheng. She realized this person’s talent for spouting nonsense was even superior to her own.

“In short, this game is very dangerous and not a joke. I hope everyone takes it seriously,” Beibei said, composing herself and adopting a business-like attitude to summarize.

“Later, it would be best to look around for clues again. Let’s exchange information during dinner. By pooling our wisdom, we’re sure to gain something.”

Pooling wisdom, exchanging information. To put it bluntly, it was simply bullying the newcomers who didn’t understand the rules and trying to extract information.

Fu Lanyu glanced at the three newcomers, saw them nodding blankly, and lazily turned her gaze away.

It had nothing to do with her.

When they went upstairs, Xiaohui whispered to her.

“Miss Fu, are we really going to exchange clues?”

“Why exchange clues? So that couple can clear the game and you can die?”

“…”

Xiaohui also realized she had asked a foolish question and couldn’t help but feel embarrassed.

“Uh, then, can Mr. Qiao be trusted?”

“In this game, there is no one who can be trusted one hundred percent,” Fu Lanyu said.

“You can temporarily consider him an ally, but if he blocks our path, he must be eliminated all the same.”

Xiaohui gazed at her delicate profile, remained silent for a moment, and finally nodded vigorously.

✵✵✵

In the afternoon, Fu Lanyu inspected all the other empty rooms in the brick building.

She found that the furnishings in those rooms were largely the same, simple and old, with nothing special. She found nothing, so she simply went back to her room and took a nap.

Xiaohui was utterly impressed by her ability to eat and sleep so readily.

Night fell once more. The brick building’s main gate was locked again.

Everyone descended the stairs one after another and saw that the line of bloody characters had indeed reappeared on the white wall.

—So noisy, don’t make loud noises at night.

This time, the color of the blood seemed to have deepened.

Qiao Yunzheng was still sitting by the staircase railing; it seemed to have become his fixed spot.

Seeing Fu Lanyu come downstairs, he smiled and tossed her the steamed bun in his hand. Fu Lanyu caught it steadily and then handed it to Xiaohui.

“I’m eating a steamed bun, and it’s a three-hand bun…”

The fastidious bespectacled man still refused to eat steamed buns, but his hunger was undeniable.

His stomach rumbled, and he paced back and forth, very agitated. After a while, he suddenly looked up without warning, his nostrils flaring as he took a deep breath.

His brow relaxed, and he seemed a little surprised.

“Did you smell that? It seems like the aroma of meat.”

At his words, others also noticed the smell. Wang Xin sniffed intently for a long time. “That’s right, it’s the smell of stewed meat, with thirteen spices added.”

Kiki peeked into the kitchen and couldn’t help but exclaim joyfully, “It’s here!”

On the kitchen stove, a steaming pot had been set up at some point. The pot had a strange, elongated oval shape, and inside, pieces of skin-on pork belly were stewing.

The red oil was clear, and the broth was bubbling, making it exceptionally tempting. Just imagining eating the stewed meat with steamed buns sounded delicious.

The bespectacled man stared at the pot, feeling his hunger intensify.

He swallowed twice, finally made up his mind, and strode forward to get a bowl and chopsticks and ladle out some meat.

Kiki looked at him in surprise. “Didn’t you say you wouldn’t eat anything from here?”

“If I don’t eat, I’ll starve to death,” the bespectacled man said, focused entirely on serving the meat, without lifting his head.

“Besides, you all ate the steamed buns and were fine, right? If the buns were fine, the meat won’t be a problem either.”

What’s more, the meat was simply too fragrant. Who could resist?

He scooped a spoonful of meat into his mouth, then took a large bite of a steamed bun, chewing audaciously.

Perhaps influenced by his eating, and seeing no abnormalities after he finished, Kiki and Wang Xin were tempted.

Both went to serve themselves meat and sat at the dining table to eat. However, Kiki had a small appetite and stopped eating after only two pieces.

The couple was very cautious. Li Chenguang inspected the meat pot thoroughly, inside and out, and found nothing suspicious.

Anyway, the steamed buns had appeared there without anyone steaming them, so what was so strange about a pot of meat suddenly appearing now?

He convinced himself, took his chopsticks, and tasted a bite first.

It was fragrant, tender, soft, and stewed to melt in one’s mouth. He had never eaten such delicious stewed meat.

“It’s safe to eat,” he told Beibei. “I tasted it for you; there’s no problem.”

Only then did Beibei relax and start eating with him.

Xiaohui smelled the rich aroma of the meat and looked at the tasteless steamed bun in her hand, feeling very envious.

She couldn’t help but take two steps forward, but before she even reached the kitchen entrance, Fu Lanyu pulled her back to her original spot.

“Miss Fu, didn’t you complain about the poor food? There’s meat now, and you’re still not eating it.”

“I did complain about the poor food, but that doesn’t mean I dare to eat just anything.”

Fu Lanyu also smelled the aroma, but her intuition told her it was best not to eat it. She subconsciously looked back at Qiao Yunzheng.

Qiao Yunzheng was still sitting by the staircase, not having moved at all. Seeing her look over, his thin lips curved into a very gentle smile, and he shook his head.

Fu Lanyu immediately tapped Xiaohui’s head. “Finish your steamed bun and come upstairs with me.”

Xiaohui was very wronged but didn’t dare to disobey Fu Lanyu. She could only reluctantly, taking three steps back for every one forward, be pulled back to the room by Fu Lanyu.

✵✵✵

The night was calm; no one saw ghosts in the hallway anymore. Or rather, no one stood in the hallway at all; everyone obediently stayed in their rooms.

Xiaohui lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling for a long time, eventually turning her head to look at Fu Lanyu beside her.

She asked curiously, “Miss Fu, how many years did it take you to reach your current level?”

“Seven years.”

“Seven years?” Xiaohui calculated, shocked and disbelieving. “That means you started transmigrating when you were fifteen?”

“Yes.”

“…Why?!”

“Because I almost died when I was fifteen,” Fu Lanyu said calmly. “Later, I was rescued, and even the doctors praised me for being tenacious.”

“…”

“Then one day later, I woke up and was bound to a system.”

The full name of this system was [Survivor Escape System]. The targets bound by this system were all lucky individuals who had survived on the brink of death.

They had successfully survived under extremely low probability circumstances and were henceforth destined to face one trial after another, struggling on the edge of life and death, to prove that they could be lucky countless more times.

Xiaohui reminisced for a long time, then suddenly awoke with a start.

“…Six months ago, a severe car accident occurred, and one of the vehicles exploded. I was only dozens of meters from the explosion site at the time because a stray dog blocked my path.”

Fu Lanyu nodded, “According to the system’s judgment, you should have died in that explosion, but because you were lucky, you survived.”

“…Why?!”

After understanding this rule, Xiaohui’s eyes reddened, and she was so angry she was almost crying aloud.

“Just because I’m lucky, the system has to try and kill me?”

“Because, according to the system, we are all classified as ‘people who should have died’.”

“Isn’t there any other way to escape? I don’t have your abilities; how am I supposed to endure seven years?”

Fu Lanyu sighed, “If there were a way, would I still be transmigrating until today?”

“…”

Before her words finished, the flickering oil lamp inside the room extinguished again.

“Mother, look after my red bridal gown,

Don’t let me die too, too soon.

Ah~~ ah~~ ah~~

Late at night, your flowing hair,

Late at night, you closed your eyes,

This is a secret promise,

Belonging to me, belonging to you…”

As the female ghost’s singing, laden with heavy sobs, once again faintly echoed throughout the entire brick building, Xiaohui’s heart pounded wildly, and she instinctively hugged Fu Lanyu tightly again.

“Listening to this kind of song in the dark, I honestly feel like dying.”

Fu Lanyu said nothing. She held her breath and concentrated, faintly hearing a very subtle rustling sound from the corridor. She pursed her lips and turned her head.

Not all the oil lamps in the room had extinguished. One remained: the one on the windowsill.

The faint light couldn’t disperse the heavy darkness of the night, but it was just enough to illuminate the small area of the windowsill.

A bloody human head lay there.