Do Not Laugh! This Is a Horror Movie - Chapter 1

Evening fell on a desolate town in the middle of nowhere.

The sun was about to dip below the horizon, and its lingering rays could no longer fully envelop the small town.

Rows of dilapidated houses were shrouded in shadows, looking bleak and somber, as if they were about to be devoured by darkness at any moment.

At the end of the town stood a three-story brick building, isolated from the rest of the world.

Fu Lanyu stood by the window, gazing at the darkening sky outside. After a while, she let out a very serious sigh.

“I wonder if they serve food here.”

Her short-haired companion stared at her with wide eyes, her face full of disbelief.

“It’s this late, and you’re still thinking about food?”

“One must always eat. Otherwise, how would we survive so many days here? Starve to death?”

Fu Lanyu replied slowly.

“So, you… hey, what was your name again?”

The girl stammered, “My name is Xiaohui.”

“Oh, Xiaohui,” Fu Lanyu nodded.

“You’ve only transmigrated once before, so it’s normal to not be used to it. After you’ve done it a few more times, your appetite will naturally improve.”

Xiaohui retorted, “No, I’m not as adaptable as you.”

As they were talking, they heard another commotion from outside. It seemed to be a group of young men and women arguing about something, mixed with the sound of a girl crying.

“Where is this? How did I suddenly end up here from school? I was just getting food from the cafeteria…”

A man’s voice cut in impatiently, “Can you stop crying? Who the hell wasn’t suddenly brought here? We’re trying to find a way out!”

Another person said, “Damn, this place is so creepy. Is it haunted?”

Inside the room, Xiaohui gave a bitter smile.

“It’s more than just haunted…”

Fu Lanyu casually closed the window.

“Looks like a group of newbies, even newer than you.”

Before she finished speaking, the group of young people pushed open the door of the brick building.

“Strange, we couldn’t even knock on the other residents’ doors, but this one isn’t even locked.”

The girl who had been crying at the beginning saw Fu Lanyu and Xiaohui and, after a moment’s hesitation, asked cautiously.

“Excuse me… are you the owners of this place?”

“No, we just walked in too.”

After saying that, Fu Lanyu’s gaze, as sharp as an X-ray, quickly scanned the group.

Four men and two women. Three of the men and the crying girl seemed to have come in alone; the couple standing together in the back were obviously a pair, saying very little and warily looking around.

‘Hmm, eight people this time. A decent number.’

But just as she came to this conclusion, she saw a young man in a black shirt walking in from outside.

That made nine people.

As soon as the man entered the room, he immediately attracted the attention of everyone present—especially the women.

Even the crying girl stopped sobbing and just stared at him with red-rimmed eyes.

He was simply too handsome, with well-defined eyebrows, captivating eyes, and perfectly sculpted lips.

He could be described as exquisite and beautiful, but his delicacy was not feminine. He was like a work of art carved from the finest jade, without a single flaw.

He had a faint smile on his face, the corners of his eyes slightly upturned, giving him a gentle yet wicked charm that was inexplicably captivating.

He closed the door behind him, and when he spoke, his voice was low and pleasant.

…though the words he spoke instantly shattered the aesthetic, and even sounded a little deserving of a slap.

“Yo, everyone’s gathered here. Waiting for a party to start?”

Everyone was speechless.

He then smiled and said, “I’d advise you all to find a room and settle in. It’s getting dark, and the unclean things are about to come out.”

As soon as he said this, the atmosphere tensed up again. One of the newbies, a boy with dyed-yellow hair, asked uneasily, “What unclean things?”

The man in black raised a roguish eyebrow and pointed to the wall.

At that moment, the last ray of sunlight finally faded, and night fell.

The brick building suddenly lit up. Everyone then realized that there were oil lamps placed on all four sides, but the light was not bright, flickering dimly and casting eerie shadows, adding to the strange atmosphere.

At the same time, on the white wall facing them, a line of crooked, bloody words slowly appeared, as if written by a brush.

—So noisy. Do not be loud at night.

The bloody words seemed to be fresh. As each word appeared, blood dripped down, staining the entire wall in a shocking display.

A few people shuddered and subconsciously covered their mouths, afraid of screaming.

“What… what is this?”

They looked at each other, their voices trembling as they lowered them.

Fu Lanyu nudged Xiaohui with her elbow. When Xiaohui looked over, she said calmly.

“Got it? This is the basic rule of this transmigration.”

Xiaohui quickly nodded. “I know, I know.”

The couple, who were standing closer, happened to hear this. Their faces changed slightly, and they exchanged a look.

The atmosphere was thick with unspoken tension.

The man in black glanced at the wall, his expression calm. He turned and went upstairs on his own.

At the turn of the stairs, he paused briefly, then leaned over the railing and looked down, as if casually glancing at Fu Lanyu.

Almost at the same moment, Fu Lanyu seemed to sense something and looked up at him.

Their eyes met. The curve of the man’s lips deepened. He smiled at her before quickly disappearing onto the second floor.

“Who is he?” Xiaohui also noticed. “He doesn’t look like a newbie.”

“Definitely not a newbie,” Fu Lanyu said. “He seems to be of a high level.”

“How do you know? What if he’s just bluffing…”

“I’ve been through so many worlds. Can’t I tell the difference between a bluffer and a skilled person?”

“Oh…” Xiaohui couldn’t help but glance at the second floor. “If even you say he’s skilled, what level must he be?”

“Maybe higher than me, but now is not the time to discuss this.” Fu Lanyu took her hand and walked straight upstairs.

“Let’s pick a room first, then find something to eat.”

“…You’re really here on vacation, aren’t you?”

How can you never forget about food?

But they had only gone up a few steps when Fu Lanyu’s sleeve was suddenly grabbed. She turned around to see the girl who had been crying earlier.

“Is there something you need?”

The girl, still with tears in her eyes, asked in a small voice, “Miss, do you know more about this place?”

“How old are you?”

“…Twenty-three.”

“I’m twenty-two, so don’t call me miss.”

The girl was taken aback.

“Okay, this… this sister, can you tell me what’s happening? And the words on the wall…”

“The words on the wall, you just have to obey them,” Fu Lanyu said.

“In short, you’ve transmigrated. Just think of this place as a survival puzzle game. You can only go home after you clear the game.”

“…”

“You’ll usually encounter some supernatural events along the way. Be mentally prepared and don’t be too scared.”

“…”

After saying that, Fu Lanyu, regardless of how confused and terrified the other person was, pulled Xiaohui upstairs.

In a world with cruel rules, she had no room for compassion or pity.

No matter how much the four newbies resisted, they eventually had to accept the fact that they had transmigrated.

They were terrified and found rooms in the brick building to stay in, not daring to move once they were inside.

…Why say four newbies?

Because Fu Lanyu was sure that out of the nine people, besides the man in black, the couple were definitely not newbies.

Late at night, in the kitchen on the first floor, she found a steamer of steamed buns.

“The food is really bad.”

Xiaohui squatted next to her, tearing at a steamed bun, looking helpless.

“At least there’s something to eat. Are you here on a food tour?”

“You can’t say that. People don’t live just to live, but to seek spiritual satisfaction and joy. If you live without quality, what’s the difference between that and being dead?”

Xiaohui’s chewing stopped for a moment. Then she raised her hands and gave her a half-hearted round of applause.

“Miss Fu, you may look so well-behaved, but I think you have the potential to be a great swindler.”

“And why is that?”

“Well… you’re good at spouting nonsense with a straight face, and you never smile.”

Fu Lanyu stuffed the remaining half of the steamed bun into her mouth.

“Not at all. I’m usually very friendly and approachable with my clients, with a standard smile.”

Xiaohui asked curiously, “I’m your client too. Did you smile at me?”

“You haggled with me relentlessly. You only gave me 15,000 for a 30,000 job, cutting it in half. Why should I smile at you? Is my smile that cheap?”

“…”

Xiaohui guiltily turned her head away and mumbled, “I really don’t have the money. I have so many worlds to go through in the future. I have to save up. Otherwise, if I go broke, who would help me pass the levels?”

Fu Lanyu glanced at her.

“Transmigrating and passing levels can get you killed. I hope you won’t lose a lot for a small gain just to save money in the future.”

Xiaohui sighed and was about to say something more when, in the next second, a man’s scream came from the third floor.

“Fuck! Fuck!!!”

They looked at each other and stood up at the same time to check on the situation upstairs.

On the third floor, they saw that everyone had been attracted by the scream and had gathered in one place.

The one who screamed was the tallest of the newbies, a six-foot-three man, built like a bear, but his courage seemed to be lacking. He was currently leaning against the wall, his legs weak and his body trembling.

The girl who had been crying at the beginning asked with a terrified face, “What’s wrong? What happened? Did you see something?”

“Outside the window… outside the window…” The man pointed to the window in the hallway, his face pale.

“There was a woman’s face outside the window just now, with big eyes and disheveled hair, and she was grinning at me…”

His description sent a chill down everyone’s spine. Even Xiaohui couldn’t help but shiver.

“Could it be the ghost of a woman who lives in this house?”

“…Fuck! Don’t scare me!” The man subconsciously raised his voice an octave.

“This house is haunted, how can we still live here?!”

“What kind of place do you think you’ve come to?” Fu Lanyu said slowly. “If it’s not haunted, did you think you were brought here for a construction project?”

The man became agitated and shouted at her, “How do you know so much? Are you hiding some secret from us? you must know the way out, tell us!”

Fear made him lose his mind. He rushed over to grab Fu Lanyu’s collar, but before he could get close, he was stopped.

The one who stopped him was the handsome man in black.

The man in black pressed a hand on his chest, seemingly without much force, and easily pushed him back several meters, causing him to stumble.

The man in black smiled, his eyebrows arching. “It’s quite rare to see an idiot who violates the rules so blatantly from the start.”

“…What rules? What damn rules!”

The man from the couple, who had been silent all this time, seemed to have a bad temper. He finally spoke up impatiently.

“Didn’t you see the words on the wall when we first came in? No loud noises at night. You’ve already violated it.”

“…”

Not only did he violate it, but he violated it multiple times. He had been shouting all this time, as if afraid the ghost was deaf and couldn’t hear him.

The crying girl, upon hearing this, asked in a trembling voice, “What happens if you violate the rules?”

She looked at Fu Lanyu, as if hoping she could give her an answer.

After all, Fu Lanyu’s harmless appearance gave people the illusion that she was easy to talk to and had a good temper.

If not for that, Xiaohui wouldn’t have had the nerve to haggle with her.

“What happens?” Fu Lanyu stroked her chin thoughtfully. “It’s hard to say, but the probability of death is high. Good luck.”

“…”

The girl immediately looked at the tall man in horror, her face pale. She said nothing and turned back to her room.

The others seemed to realize something as well. No one paid any more attention to the tall man. They all left, leaving him standing there alone, his eyes glazed over, trembling like a leaf.

The night grew deeper.

There were more than a dozen rooms in this brick building. Fu Lanyu and Xiaohui were staying in one on the second floor, sharing a bed because Xiaohui felt it was safer that way.

“Miss Fu, although you look soft, you have a strong aura. Being with you, I feel protected.”

“Oh, thank you for your oddly phrased, false compliment.”

“How can you call it a false compliment? I’m being serious,” Xiaohui said, then added, “Miss Fu, why don’t we sleep with the oil lamp on tonight? It’s too dark and scary.”

But before she could finish, a cold wind seemed to blow through the room, and all the oil lamps in the entire brick building went out.

The room was plunged into silent darkness.

Fu Lanyu was silent for a moment, then sighed lazily, “Look at you, you jinx.”

“…”

Xiaohui was scared and couldn’t help but scoot closer to Fu Lanyu, wrapping her arms around her neck.

Fu Lanyu was speechless. “Are you holding on a little too tight?”

“I’m sorry, Miss Fu. Please understand. In a place like this, it’s more reassuring to hold onto a living person.”

“Oh.”

Xiaohui rested her head on Fu Lanyu’s pillow, clinging to her like a koala. But before she could close her eyes in peace, she suddenly heard a woman’s laughter from outside.

It was obvious that the laughter was eerie and strange, definitely not human.

She gasped and almost screamed, but fortunately, Fu Lanyu reacted quickly and covered her mouth.

“Be quiet,” Fu Lanyu whispered. “Do you want to die?”

“…”

Xiaohui nodded vigorously, indicating that she wouldn’t dare.

The woman outside was still laughing. The sound echoed through the brick building, lingering for a long time.

The laughter lasted for more than ten minutes before gradually fading away.

Just as Xiaohui breathed a sigh of relief, thinking it was over, a mournful female voice rose again. This time, there was no laughter, but a heavy, sobbing tone as she slowly hummed a song.

“Mom, look after my, my red wedding dress,

Don’t let me, let me die too soon.

Ah~~ Ah~~ Ah~~

At night, your falling hair,

At night, you closed your eyes,

This is a secret promise,

Belonging to me, belonging to you.

The wedding dress is red,

The poison is white…

I hope the woman you caress bleeds endlessly,

A night of spring is not, not my fault;

I hope the woman you caress is rotting,

A night of spring is not, not my fault…”

The song was hummed three times. Towards the end, the sobbing became thicker, and the voice grew sharper and more sorrowful, as if a woman were standing by the bed, crying and accusing pitifully.

Xiaohui’s hands and feet were cold, and she was trembling violently.

“Miss… Miss Fu, is there really no one in our room? I feel like this ghost is singing right next to my ear…”

Fu Lanyu didn’t answer. She listened intently, carefully deciphering the lyrics.

“I think I’ve heard this song before.”

“Huh?”

“It’s about a young girl who gave her first time to her beloved fiancé. But on the eve of their wedding, her fiancé cheated on her. In despair, she took poison and killed herself. She was wearing her wedding dress when she died, and overnight, the dress seemed to be soaked in blood, turning a bright red.”

Xiaohui shivered. “Is it worth killing yourself for a man?”

“Perhaps in her time, the concepts were more traditional.” Fu Lanyu paused, then said earnestly, “So, girls must be independent and love themselves. If a dog of a man needs to be thrown away, then throw him away. The road ahead is long, and you’ll always find new love. Don’t do anything foolish.”

“…A terrifying story of a vengeful ghost has been turned into a late-night chicken soup for the soul by you.”

“I was just trying to ease your heavy heart.”

“…Thanks. So what should we do next?”

Fu Lanyu asked calmly, “What did you do the first time you transmigrated?”

“Well… a boy accidentally found a peach wood sword and killed the zombie.”

“You might as well just say you were carried to victory.”

Xiaohui was at a loss for words, trying to save face. “I had no experience the first time. This is my second time, so I want to learn more from you.”

Fu Lanyu rested her hands behind her head, her tone calm.

“Theory has limited effect. Experience is gained through practice. Your mission is always to find a way to kill the ghosts while staying alive.”

But in fact, the premise of staying alive was already very difficult.

For example, those who didn’t follow the rules wouldn’t even see the next day’s sun.

The next morning, Fu Lanyu woke up from her sleep to find Xiaohui sitting by the bed, staring at her intently.

She woke up instantly and pushed Xiaohui away.

“Don’t get so close to me next time. I’ll suspect you’re trying to assassinate me. Who’s to blame if I hit you?”

“…I don’t have that kind of ability,” Xiaohui said listlessly, with heavy dark circles under her eyes. “I just admire you. In a place like this, your sleep quality is still so good.”

“If you don’t sleep, are you going to stay awake until dawn? Lack of sleep means lack of yang energy. When the ghosts come for you in the middle of the night, you’ll die even faster.”

Xiaohui nervously covered her ears. “Don’t always talk about dying. Isn’t it taboo?”

“What’s so taboo about it?”

Fu Lanyu was nonchalant. She put on her coat, got out of bed, washed up briefly, and went downstairs.

It seemed that she was indeed the only one with good sleep quality, because everyone else had already gathered on the first floor.

The man in black was sitting by the stairs. He looked up when he saw her coming down.

Their eyes met, and he smiled silently.

Fu Lanyu didn’t know why he was smiling, nor did she care much. She looked around and counted the people.

Hmm, as she had guessed, there were eight people left.

The tall man of six-foot-three who had been shouting loudly last night was not there.

Xiaohui was a little uneasy. “One person is missing. Has anyone seen him? Is he not awake, or…”

“He’s probably dead.”

The one who spoke was the girl from the couple.

“How do you know? Did you hear anything last night?”

The girl said coldly, “We’re all on the third floor. That man lived next to us. You all heard the ghost singing last night, right?”

Everyone present nodded. The three newbies looked even more pale, obviously having been terrified all night.

The girl continued, “While she was singing, we heard a noise from next door. First, the sound of a door opening, and then…”

“And then what?”

“And then a dull sound like a sharp weapon cutting through flesh and dismantling bones, one blow after another, like butchering a pig.”

This statement was truly horrifying.

The man in black leaned against the stair railing and clapped his hands in praise. “A detailed and accurate description. I can picture it.”

“…”

The timid newbie girl was trembling, looking like she was about to cry again, just repeating over and over.

“What do we do? What do we do…”

“What can we do? Crying will help?” the boy from the couple retorted fiercely. “Since everyone’s here, let’s go upstairs and take a look together!”

His girlfriend immediately agreed.

Fu Lanyu came out of the kitchen with two steamed buns in her hand and handed one to Xiaohui.

“Still nothing but steamed buns.”

“At least there’s something to eat,” Xiaohui sighed, taking the bun. “They were just saying they want to go upstairs and take a look.”

“Okay, let’s go take a look.”

Before going upstairs, everyone went to the kitchen to get a steamed bun to fill their stomachs, except for one bespectacled, scholarly-looking newbie who refused to eat.

“There’s no one in this house. Who steamed the buns? I’m not eating. What if there’s something unclean in them?”

His logic was sound, but in a world like this, being so particular would surely not get you far.

The couple looked at him with disdain. The boy snorted, “Then don’t eat. Let’s see if you starve to death.”

“…”

Everyone lined up and went to the third floor. They found the room where the tall man had stayed last night. The door was closed, and there were no traces outside, as if nothing had happened.

But Fu Lanyu’s senses were sharper than ordinary people’s. She smelled a faint, bloody scent.

She frowned and kicked the door open.

“Ah—!!!”

Upon seeing the scene inside the room, the newbie girl screamed and stumbled backward, falling to the ground and almost fainting.

The others were also stunned.

Strangely, there was no body in the room, but it was clear that a massacre had taken place.

The walls, bed, table, and even the ceiling were splattered with blood. The blood was scattered in a spray-like pattern, thick and coagulated into a dark red color, like a grotesque abstract oil painting.

The floor was littered with pieces of flesh and bone fragments, indicating that the tall man had been chopped to pieces.

Xiaohui gripped Fu Lanyu’s arm tightly and pointed to a spot not far away. “Miss Fu, what… what are those round things?”

Fu Lanyu followed her gaze and saw two cloudy, glass-like objects next to the corner of the table. She pondered for a moment and gave a serious answer.

“Eyeballs, I suppose?”

“…”

Xiaohui turned around in a panic and ran to the bathroom to vomit.

The couple’s faces were also pale, but they were experienced after all and didn’t show too much emotion. They looked for a while and then left, hand in hand.

The scholarly-looking man with glasses had already run off. The other newbie with dyed-yellow hair gagged a few times but managed to hold it in. Before leaving, he also dragged the limp newbie girl on the floor with him.

For a moment, only Fu Lanyu and the mysterious man in black were left in the hallway on the third floor.

They were silent for a moment. Finally, the man in black broke the stalemate. He smiled and extended his hand.

“Little girl, let’s get to know each other. My name is Qiao Yunzheng.”

Fu Lanyu glanced at him, hesitated for a moment, but ultimately didn’t refuse and calmly shook his hand.

“Fu Lanyu.”

“A beautiful name,” Qiao Yunzheng’s smile deepened. He suddenly took a step forward and whispered in her ear, “Now that we know each other, shouldn’t we discuss some serious business?”